Boy

Years ago when I was a teenager and had escaped family home . I found solace living on my own in a shitty apartment in Beverly Hills. Back then I resembled a boy. I was a short haired shapeless kid , I resembled a Moroccan boy . Still I was female and pretty, a mixed race Canadian girl. Thinking back on those days and my escapades I discovered a few things. I had sex with ( I would not call what I did dating) with men who were three times my age and if you ask me borderline gay. These were very famous men who were breaking the law and sleeping with a child me who resembled a boy. I was experimenting sexually, it was the seventies and foreplay was “hello my name is Rae Dawn”. The men where pathetic in that they were famous and old and would have sex with a child. It was basic for me they were famous and maybe sexy and or gorgeous even they had a nice house or great pot or fabulous conversation. I remember that the sex was never riveting or something I craved . No, it was the convenience and the comfort or the glamour of being in a Bentley or something like that. Each of these pedophiles had either girlfriends and or wives. I think I dabbled in famous men for long enough to know that most of the celebrity hunks were bi-sexual. I have decided this because if you see photo’s of me back in the day I was a boy, in looks only. I maintained friendships with my older lovers and sometimes I benefited from the contacts and sometimes it haunted me and bit me and opportunities didn’t come my way because I was so familiar and lets face it conquesting needs fresh blood. One of my lovers commented that he thought I was very,very smart and a great conversationalist and maybe I was but honestly I should have been studying and attending college and maintaining childhood for as long as humanly possible instead of running around Hollywood bed hopping and going to parties with my pack of girls. I don’t regret the exposure. I just think my time could have been spent in more productive ways. None of the fresh from NYC men and women soon to be studio heads ever helped my career not really. In fact as a note of caution ladies if you find yourself partying with a studio head I can promise you when they sober up the next day and remember you it won’t be in a good light it will be filled with disgust and remorse regardless if you were able to avoid having any sexual contact in fact the better you are at avoiding THAT the worse your luck will be because half the trouble comes from not putting out and the other half comes from giving it up. Lets face it , it’s a witch burning anyway you slice it. For a moment just look at the glee every one has had putting down Britney and Lyndsey when honestly every single one of these studio stiffs would have gone there With either girl at one point or another and chances are those two delightful hellcats rebuffed them. So when they have a bit too much or show up trashed or whatever they do there is happiness or general smugness and it hurts us all not just those two, all women, it really does.
There was a need to be free and grow up fast for me and Hollywood was ideal for that, it welcomed jail bait. I had fun being a brat cruising Sunset blvd. I am amazed it didn’t end tragic. I had an inner guidance that said “enough” when it really was. Plus, I love to travel and start fresh in remote places like say Canada or Woodstock NY. I think that wanderlust saved me from Los Angeles. Still, thinking back on those days, some very famous guys are pedophiles who swing both ways,even though my plumbing wasn't "gay" I looked like a young boy. Ha!