Friday, February 26, 2010


I just posted a bogus article that because of time constraints I didn't check with Snopes. I apologize since I abhor when I read BS or get something like this in my in box on e-mail, UGH! Unfortunately my cousin sent this and normally I am more cautious (of her missives) but it spoke to the victim in me...busted.

Add to the mix being intrinsically lazy (it bites) to spread a false hood like this. So I am sorry and I hope this doesn't happen anytime soon. Nothing is worse then losing faith, normally I try to keep integrity as high as possible here.

But I am only human and obviously a wee bit slack at times.

Have a safe day and may you regain the power that seems to have left a lot of us here in the Northeast.


Thursday, February 25, 2010


This morning listening to the radio and the discussions about health care I became furious with this country. For one thing I now fully understand how the Brits got their medical took a blitz to finally recalibrate the values of those in charge of the country. It took near devastation for the British brass to get off their well fed arses and do something right for the people. I shudder to think what the uninformed know (Teabaggers) imagining not much about what their beloved conservative/republican politicians are trying hard to prevent. These same men who are all on the teats of every large corporation who will stop at nothing to thwart our chances at a decent civilized health care system. A system where we all are given basic care at very reasonable rates. I think like in Canada and Britain rates so reasonable to be well below America's medical/insurance current costs by 90% what we charge here. I am gutted by the hemming and hawing these health care reform blockers are doing. The excuse that it has to be done step by step, who are they protecting? WHY can't they arrange for a proper single pay system? I know because insurance as we know it would cease to exist. It isn't a step by step process it is a complete overall. Guess what? They are guilty of committing a crime and it falls under antitrust big insurance. It's a scam our current medical pricing designed to hurt us. I can't imagine what our "blitz" is going to be and I am sad to imagine it. Something has to give and it may not happen soon but I reckon we are in for something. We can't continue to pretend to be leaders or innovators of planet earth or anything if our values are skewed eternally toward profit at the expense of human life. Where would we spend all of that money if there isn't a country to spend it in or a World for that matter. What is most important here? Profit or quality of life. I know my happiness is sweeter if I know most people are doing well. I know my abundance is less so when I remember Darfur or Haiti or anywhere down the road in my small town where people are suffering. We are connected you and I in many ways and least of all through our humanity. If you are doing well it makes my doing well that much more fun. Have you ever been around someone who suddenly has a quantum life change? Who say wins or inherits or suddenly has a ton of money, big mad money? A funny and fascinating thing happens after the initial rush of glory but eventually they get lonely and want to hang out and be like it was before the great influx of cash. It takes a long, long time for them to reestablish who they are and what they represent you can't always get your old school pals to hang out on the private jet all the time because they have to work. I am telling you we need each other. We long for community and we want our pals and even strangers to do well in life. It makes this ride, your life that much sweeter. There is one place in America where you could feel civic pride. Everything was happy in this town even the trees looked loved, the lawns were groomed the place reeks of pride. I mentioned this to the (local) driver who was kind enough to take us to our hotel. I said "this place seems happy and proud" he said "we are very proud, we love our town and everyone in it" that is so surreal and refreshing. This place is Ann Arbor Mich. one of the happiest places in America.

Civic pride, to be proud and happy that everyone holds up the story of "we love it here" sounds good to me. I think we need to take a cue from them. We need as a country to feel pride and one way is to reestablish our values and become innovators of peace and kindness genuinely work towards taking care of each other. It's beautiful and if done whole heartily every creature, every thing lifts up with it...this glorious vibration works miracles.

It's time in America we recalibrate our values from monetary dominance to spiritual (not religious) but toward quality of life as in more community and less isolation. More brotherly concern and less depression and spread this wealth. America is intrinsically a perfect beautiful place and we deserve and can become even better.

We can do this.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Pressure creates diamonds out of coal. SO it seems pressure, grief and stress creates Olympians. I am amazed at how many of them had rough experiences early on. It seems these parents a pretty high percentage were single and chose to focus their children and themselves into a discipline. I like that, it is a great idea if tragedy strikes get busy, get physical and do something to integrate the grief. In one day as the announcers were speaking about an athlete there was mention of death of a parent twice. Different kids of course but tragedy nonetheless, has anyone done a study? Divorce also, many of these Olympians start life out with one parent being missing; Appolo Ohno for one. It is interesting to me. I think hardship is a gift and I am not saying this to bring it on. I am just acknowledging it's up side. Everything has an upside some times it's so morbid it's hilarious. Okay I can be quite twisted in my brand of humor. Tough times can bring out Olympian hopefuls. This is heartening, I think we need to be thankful and appreciate the pressures as they unfold because there is light a the end of the tunnel and it will change whatever hardship we are working at the moment it will change it cannot stay unless we refuse to see our part in it. Unless we at all cost want to remain victim or innocent. I think this is the tough bit. Okay some people cringe when I say we are 50% responsible for everything not more not less 50% and the details are unlimited as to where we allowed our hardship , our experience to occur. It's so subtle that I think we being not so sensitized cannot see it so we feel if we are unaware then we are innocent and we are not. Unconsciousness is not a free pass it's just unconsciousness...we are guilty and although we may not realize it our stubby fingers are on the trigger. Oh sure some of us would rather die trying to prove their innocence (literally) but I can't find it. I think our limited perceptions inhibit our understanding this. Our inability to see the bigger picture limit our understanding of the whole. In my universe God cannot be God if he allows torture and murder and other heinous actions against humanity. So since God is God and life is perfect love (they say this) then there isn't a victim anywhere. Somewhere we are part of the picture part of the torture and mutilations. Tough and messy but true. You can't have God and have it's opposite. So everything has to be sourced from it. It just is...or else the whole story is a lie and some people feel this may be true. The God head doesn't exist. I prefer to think it does exist and that there is a bigger broader perspective and this perspective is clear and correct. Our personal Dharma is understood and clear to this big picture realm of understanding. I like to think we earn this understanding and it soothes us. We actually get it!

Life is no longer chaos and we are no longer balls of plasma hurtling through space on a gelatinous orb.

...Or maybe that is all we are.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Recently I wrote up a list of what I wanted in my life as an assignment and meditation.In fact I had to send it to a third party. Interestingly (to me) it felt very awkward and self conscious, selfish and a bit silly. They say when we are not accustomed to help we have a difficult time shaping and creating desires because it doesn't feel right, this is true for me. We can be so attuned to lack and it's feeling of longing we have attached pleasure to it. In some circles of study (Pathwork) this is called negative pleasure. Something negative is given a pleasant connotation in order to survive the bad experience. It's a defense, a survival instinct and its difficult to identify,understand and stop. Therefore we don't recognize when something is good for us or helpful and we don't know how to frame our desires without feeling bad about them. It's confusing and sad actually and very common. We are according to many (in the know) creative force or Divinity manifested. To create is a natural gift, a God given gift each of us possess. So to be able to create anything, is simply to ask for it THEN stepping aside or getting OVER ourselves and allowing it to manifest.

This step is the buggaboo...allowing, this is where we get in the way and stop it from happening. I know for myself I get emotional and I get sad and that's enough to stop anything wanted from materializing. We cannot manifest if we are in the way. We have to get OVER ourselves to let LOVE in.

So much harder then is sounds.

Letting in the love and allowing creative forces to do their work. Oh I know it's simplistic sounding but it is not easy. Many argue this thinking this "The secret" premise is silly,childish but I think it works because when we get out of our way, when we silence the critic, the echo of our insecurities long enough we manifest magically almost everything and more then we ever could imagine.

Have you ever given up? Let go? All in despair? Only to see the very thing we want manifest? This is the thing letting go forgetting about "it" allows it in. Letting go of "it" makes it happen.

I am not saying give up I am saying (especially to myself) to let go. To honestly stop focusing on what I think I want and allow the one thing that keeps me vibrationally aligned.


This is the cure for ALL of the resistance, when we feel despair and sadness and fraudulent stop and appreciate what is and everything in it.

Appreciate , appreciate, appreciate everything because as God is our witness what we want is on it's way!

Appreciate the timing, because it's divine.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Snow blind

We got a pile of gorgeous heavy snow last night. I was driving our gigantic truck to get to an appointment and I didn't know one had to turn the wheel hubs to get the 4 wheel drive to connect. So being persistent I managed to get my sliding huge truck onto the road and down to the highway with almost zero control. Meanwhile it is still heavy snow falling. I am telling you a near white out and it's night. Now a normal person would have stopped right there. They would have parked the truck in the road right where it was jammed against a pole and walked back to the house?
No, not me I am not normal. So I climb out of the truck unaware that I have jammed it against a pole and I manhandle the hubs which for some reason took near super human strength to turn into position. I had to wedge a piece of metal (found in truck) to do the job. Once engaged the truck could move. So I drove to my appointment late but I made it. Then after having to apologize to my very understanding boyfriend that I have permanently dented his "baby" (promising to fix it) I realized how close I was to either killing myself or someone else. Had I gotten the out of control no traction truck onto our Highway I would have slid into something and God knows what else...
For me the worst depth of misery would be to hurt another and be hurt in a massive way (brain injury or worse) luckily I called a friend who is truck wise who sort of walked me through the connect the hub thing.

Recently I realized that I would rather have God consciousness or the desire for it and the willingness to look within and the longing for connection then anything else in the world. To be hurt and to lose this to me is HELL...nothing else comes close.

Oh I know many people could care less about self inquiry and live happy lives without once caring about the bigger questions and look to the likes of me like what I am; insane for even caring. Yet it seems sad to me to not care and to not want to know those deep questions and feel that incredible "aha" moment when once in a while enlightenment happens. Bliss, joy, happiness.

I am not putting anyone down in saying any of this and I have many love able people in my life who would rather go to sleep and or watch a television show then ask "why?". I sort of envy the simplisticness of their thinking, less clutter.

Still I am deeply grateful to be me. I am so happy we have a slight rise on our road before you get onto a major highway that I could right now run down our road and kiss it. I wont but I should.

I was that close to death. I have a fascinating get there no matter what spirit that scares me and those that know me. In fact years ago a wonderful film came out called "Rabbit proof fence" about an Aboriginal child and her younger sister. The movie was about how they escaped a nasty government school where all sorts of terrible things occur. She takes her little sis and walks across a thousand miles of deep waterless desert and they survive. That would be me...I have that, I know that, I would do it if I had to drive.

It scares me and I reckon it will also be the thing to save me and carry me to some success and I also imagine kill me.

Oh well we all die some day.

Meanwhile I am here for one more day...happily.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Jealous about everything

My dear best friend called upset and feeling extremely jealous about another dear friend his voice was coated in hurt as he explained with a bit of shame his horrid state of mind. I took a deep breath and smiled and thought yes...what a healthy thing to feel, jealous. We lose our minds when we compare ourselves to others and it feels like insanity. Nothing is more painful then focusing on the impossible and nothing more frustrating then wanting what we cannot have. Yet we are addicted to this behavior every single day, everyone of us...suffers from this insanity.
First of all what we are lusting for in this glorious rich drama called our lives is LOVE. We want to be free and have everything we think we want,when we want it and we want to be loved in the midst of all of the abundance. Adored and worshipped. A tall order for sure, not because we are not worthy but I think because even in that, in the midst of everything we think we need or want we would feel a void, an inner poverty. It's that inner void that weird amnesia of who and what we are that keeps us enslaved to everything we do...if you knew that there was no where to go, nothing more to get and that you were whole and perfect as you are right now (even if terminally ill) how would you treat yourself and life around you.

I say, it would all feel better, and we would treat everything with more sweetness and kindness and love first toward yourselves and then to others.

What do you think you need? I ask with 100% certainty that whatever you think you need and don't have? I promise you don't need it. The reality is if it's not here you must not need it.

Sure we can have a list a long list of things and experiences we think we
need/want so make a list and be self-full and lush.

My list is simpler...I want to feel and know and share deep love always.

I am a bliss glutton...bring it on and I wish this very same scrumptiousness for you too.

Here and now and everything that comes our way is cake, delicious sought after cake.

We are loved.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Cars that we need here in America

Go to these links and meet cars that have huge gas mileage that can only be purchased abroad. Why?

This is why American polices are responsible for the current gas crisis we are in.

Keeping efficient cars off our roads...


Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Everything we do is to secure that one thing LOVE.
I was thinking about the inequity of representation in media and how underrepresented different aspects that are critical to society is in media; Women, people of color, the disabled,seniors (50 plus) that it is skewed toward the ruling class. I don't need to go into what that is. I have been very free about my feelings and in pointing out who they are and what they represent; "The haves".
At the end of the day it's all about LOVE. We lust for status and affluence to feel and experience love. We give our time and money and goodwill to feel love toward ourselves for being good citizens. Then we have the confused who commit crimes because they fear a lack of all things good which boiled down to its essence is; LOVE.

So everything is about that one thing.

I was hypercritical about a woman I know who is in charge of something I have to deal with and I stopped in my tracks and thought "wait a minute" all she wants is love. She does all the weird mean stuff because somewhere she has convinced herself she is not getting love so she has made a choice to drag everyone and everything down the rabbit whole of her sadness by being a "bitch".

Love, if she could experience it and know it is within not without would she be so confused and hell bent on spreading her misery?


It's a mercurial thing love and some of us are not convinced it is actual substance. Some of us believe it is an idea, a belief, a concept that can only be experienced within.

In other words there are not gamma rays that spew forth from another into our hearts.
It is a concept, we decide that we are bathed in...

So the final story is love is here now in YOU.

So rub it in your hair, silly rabbit!

Monday, February 8, 2010

He is doing a fantastic job and so...

This past year our beloved President has done more good for this country then the last two Bushes did combined (both put us in debt) he is even challenging Clinton's record (for recontructing our national stability) he has only been in office for a year. His commitments to changing legislation is unprecedented in the amount he has accomplished and what he has on the table pending still. Oh sure he has not fulfilled every promise but he has done more in 365 days in office then many did in multiple terms. I know that the "others" his critics would complain like my friend Stephen in Iceland would be hyper critical about Obama complaining he is spending too much and health care is a no, noor that the jobless rate climbing higher then ever in history (not true)... Lets face it this administration is under fire, still he has triumphed in the face of terrible division in the senate and congress, severe opposition by every republican. It is interesting to see the low brow tactics the lying, the lies, the "opposition" keeps spreading knowing that the average person doesn't have the will to check his record, his actual policy record. They just listen to the headlines spewed forth by right wing corporate owned media outlets but not by actual groups who are keeping close tabs on his movements and his policy hopes. President Obama is dong an outstanding job considering what he inherited and I for one am going to give him more time to correct the mountain of shite the last 8 years of Bush have left us in. To triple our deficit, harms us. All done by Rummy and Cheney and Bush and Rice all in the name of security and yet our security has never been guaranteed. To plunder the treasury under the guise of homeland security by forcing us into a war (Iraq) that should have never occurred under false pretenses and then to distract our forces from the place (Afghanistan) where we may have been closest to catching the perpetrators is criminal in and of itself. Yet these same men and woman want to heap blame on this administration, its wrong. Its as if suddenly every right wing American has amnesia. It's a shame. Thank goodness this administration knows its weaknesses and addresses them daily with an open mind and a willingness to improve. Not with slogans and cutesy country bumpkin sayings to criticize yet never solve our problems. I would respect them (republicans) if they had solid solutions that would challenge the democrats solutions but nope they have nothing to bring to the table. Instead we have to put up with the same complaints without solutions without any solid ideas of how to set us straight and all we hear about is how much money we are spending, not about how much money THEY spent when they were in power.
We need solutions, not slogans.
Don't be fooled people. These same shrill teabaggers are under informed hysterical and sadly undereducated and frankly lazy and if they get their way we will become intimate with depression as in the great depression. Taxes should be much be higher if we are to help ourselves. We need to slowly steadily get out of trouble but not by shifting the blame to entitlement programs (lame idea) like social security. Raise taxes, help by by pitching in. The rich corporation and individuals need to pony's been a free ride long enough.

Friday, February 5, 2010


Driving down the road on my way to do errands I noticed I was calm and happy. There was/ is something wonderful about doing little chores, little things like going to the bank, post office, market. It thrills me as much or more then say a glamorous event. Oh sure those are lots of fun too but the other day I had an incredible sense of being a normal person, a regular person and it felt gloriously real. I felt 100% in my body and happy to be where I was and I could feel and see my connection to everyone around me; I am a regular joe.
All of my life I have strived ,demanded, needed, insisted on being special because it filled up the empty space in my heart for a moment.
This need was ummet in my "story" of my life and so my specialness filled it temporarily, this is treacherous territory. Almost like doing drugs it is fabulous when it first hits you and then it begins to wear off and then where are you? Despair, we get plunged into despair.

There is a long list of "to do's" I have yet to accomplish and I know I will never get it all done. Yet driving down the road and realizing I was a normal person doing wonderful mundane things and loving it made me the happiest I have ever been.

It is important to me to actually feel real. When we are immersed in any form of celebrity even if it is in our own mind it is at great expense. The cost is separation, it's lonely, its tricky to find ones true north, ones bearings.

To allow life to carry me and enter it without the story of "specialness" is divine comforting, fun!

It is a blessing to do errands and be real and simple and just a person with out the hoopla, without the noise.

It's wonderful.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Rich white guys

The face in America of obscene wealth, of decadence is a pasty fat white man or a white man who is trim and very neat with a net worth that exceeds 200 million. The Oscars are being hosted by two pasty white men; Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin as you watch the festivities notice the audience it will be 98% white and Monique. Now if you look at the profiles of the very powerful corporations in America again it's pasty men who rule and run them...all across the board. I had a nightmare recently and the boogie man was Dick Cheney he was chasing me with a machine gun and a butchers knife as I was trying to get out of the town that was populated by the white men of affluence. The town in my dream was called affluence it was a gated community.

Then look back a decade or less and see that the worst crimes against America have been done by rich fat white men whether it was Enron or the various saving and loans and the current lending heist , big white men who netted billions at the public expense and still people are complaining about Obama and his liberals as if they are ruining this country when this country has been raped by big pasty faced greedy bastards who are still in charge. The face of corruption is a big white educated mid to late 60s trouble makers.

Its fascinating to note that evil and horrible crime and all things greedy has a white face.

This species of men is trying on every television to redeem the image if you look at the current television shows you will find many story lines of the sweet goofy white guy who is in a pickle.

I am just fascinated by of this guy in media.

Rupert Murdoch is almost single handily ruining politics and the American political process, our Constitution. We are under attack.

Okay we do have fantastic intelligent people fighting as hard as they can to regain our sanity and the right to due process. Still campaign financing from Corporations run amok only means one thing.

That scary white faced billionaire is "daddy" and don't you forget it!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


When the rescuers in Haiti pulled a young child, a girl out of the rubble after being entombed in it for over a week and another child a boy who was encased in rubble for longer with no outward physical damage other then psychological terror and trauma (which is damage) but other wise physically whole. It made me wonder about "Prana" that lovely energy that courses through our bodies that the Yogis of India have been helping us discover. Prana is created with breath and when we sit and breath deeply we can stir it up "Kundalini" This magnificent energy is what creates all of life. This is the fabric, it. It isn't a wonder to me that we can live without food and water if we need to. If you can imagine what those children those people did while being entombed in rubble. They breathed deeply no doubt. Oh sure some cynic are saying that they had access to some form of water or liquid and that it's impossible to survive that long without. Still I think when it is investigated it is this force; Prana.

I also think that we will on planet earth discover an alternate form of energy "Prana" that can fuel our lives only when we raise our consciousness out of the selfish destructiveness it currently resides. Imagine a world that was kind and community based where we cared for each other and the surrounding world of plants and animals where Corporations were not in charge?

Until we step up and take back our highest spiritual being /self and become humane.... I think we will not be given the keys the secret codes of space time travel and endless force and energy. We are not trust worthy and the people in charge are frightened and greedy and dumb. So till then we get glimpses of what could be our potential future.

You know Haiti needed the love and care and attention it is getting now. It needed attention. Oh it devastating to lose life and all that we can see,know and love. I cannot imagine it. Still there is a silver lining to the tragedy. The World is watching and sending help and helping Haiti.

I just wish we didn't need devastating disasters and war to pay attention.

I just wish we were naturally tuned to care. With diseases that are immune to our medicines running rampant and spreading everywhere I think we are in for a wild ride.

It serves us personally to care for others deeply.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The air we breathe...

There is a book called "Hormonal Chaos" written two decades ago about the effects of the tens of thousands of chemicals released daily into our atmosphere how the immediate response is an over production of estrogen. An over production of estrogen produces cancers and other imbalance markers. Is it any wonder that we have so many incurable diseases to deal with? Everyday we get the same response from the medical community looking for a cure instead of rooting out cause. We can pound our bodies into great shape but if we continue to ingest horrendous silent killers like the industrial effulgence which are to date untested as far as their immediate impact on our species. It's interesting and sad and more tragic then any attack from a rowdy religious group.
I am baffled why we are not making more of a fuss about the pollution and why our leaders in Congress and the senate in Washington are not fighting this fight too? Then I realize it's big business, it's the chemical lobby keeping everyone distracted and off the beam. So infertility, immune diseases , hermorphoditism every marker that we have seen in nature has been showing up big time in humans and still silence.
There isn't a single released report on any of the industrial chemicals used daily available for humans to research or get their hands on. There isn't a page that says what these harmful toxins do to the human being. We are flying blind and dying of incurable immune diseases which are expensive to fight.
Children are born with horrendous diseases, mothers can't get pregnant we watch as cancer cases keep growing as we allow our lovely immune system to be under assault, daily a new disorder or disease is identitified and still the medical community doesn[t point it's finger toward the Chemical industry. Too busy trying to play God and cure the lovely disorders they are helping to cook up.
Why do we hate ourselves so much?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Not everyone can sing!

Recently on a bright sunny day I was witness to a funeral service for a dear friend, she was the mother of my best friend Chris.

She passed suddenly her body stopped working. It wasn't too long a process which I was grateful for. The services were held in a small church in the rhythm section of L.A. The place was packed. It was glorious the outpouring of love. There was a rather large choir and quite a few soloists. The thing was some of the singers weren't very good and what I noticed was that those particulate soloists sang the longest. In my childhood memory of going to church I don't have a recollection of a singer being unable to hold themselves in key. I have no memory of bad singing or singing that is terrible. In fact the only thing that I found goofy was an over wrought pastor. They would lose their minds making the holy points they made and or say something that was less then factual.
No we were lucky and had a couple of singers who I think weren't ready for their close ups. Now at a funeral we are all on best behaviour so I looked around and wondered if it was my hearing,if it was me and lo and behold I wasn't the only one who was wincing. Then God forbid the church giggles began. I know,I am an adult,I should never have to be told to behave in church especially at a funeral. In fact I shouldn't be confessing about the three bad singers. Yet I think in a lot of Church's throughout the country congregations are being pummeled by bad singing. Because the people in charge are too afraid to say to "so and so " they can't sing. So they let them hoping they will get better with practise. I saw it the conductor or music directors face she just winced along with us. My friend didn't notice because he couldn't his momma was in a coffin in at the front room and that is weird by itself, surreal. So I understood he didn't notice. I did though. I heard every wayward note sung by three different people. It was fabulous. It made me miss Dave Chappelle in fact it felt like a Dave Chappelle skit. The bad church singers who won't stop singing.

Okay I am being silly and childish and disrespectful to my friends dead mother.

The truth?

I love Clara and something tells me she was hovering over the proceedings wincing and giggling along with me, that was just who she was...