Friday, July 31, 2009

Labels and other false securities

Honestly if we just dumped the tagging stopped labeling people,places and things and just allowed LOVE we'd all be a whole lot happier. I learned something today. Yes, we are (as a group)completely hung up on status,class labels. I was sad to read about the child,the young girl who killed herself was it because she was a lesbian? I hope not. Reading the various responses on the Fb thread it is fascinating how many people are curious what label I live under. I am rebelling.I refuse,I am everything except a pedophile or animalist I don't want to be exclusive sexually.I refuse not because I am gay but because I embrace love and reality and the reality is who can control when love comes calling?

Who can say no to something so powerful and good? I am not talking about silly attractions I am talking the real deal. Go ahead be stupid and label people at your peril.

I think the world is lonely and sad because we insist of putting each other into categories and no person alive fits neatly into any one box...try it I dare you.

besides be careful committing to any one way...or plan.

How do you make God laugh? Have a plan.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Play to play

Last weekend I competed in a pretty crazy high level sporting event for charity. My partner and I have had a pretty colorful summer. He isn't happy in his life and has a new bad habit that isn't fun for me, aside for being late (tacky) he makes a big deal about my play. That isn't a problem for me because I ignore him. I keep myself inside my game although it's doubles tennis. We lost our first round to a couple who surprised us. You know they say never underestimate your opponent. We did and guess what? They beat us. So we were in the consolation group or as my friend called it "the best of the rest". We did well we won it! So we got trophied up. The best gift though was what I learned while competing. We were down a set and it was love 4 against us. I was WANTING to win and so I was playing to win. I couldn't find the court nor could my cranky partner. It was ugly. So I stopped playing to win and decided to just play. Guess what? We won every single game from that moment forward and for the next day too. It was a magic "Aha" moment. I kept my cool with my head down played to play...that sounds so do-able and yet it's tough to do in this world of Play to WIN! Play to play and be excellent at that, be happy with that!

Listening to the Micheal Vick debate about whether he should be allowed back inside the NFL. I think yes and I hate that he is of the culture that pits should be bred and raised to fight each other. I know many people in our community do it still. It is a show of force and I guess machismo. Okay? Regardless of the animal cruelty. Since when isn't football cruel or brutal?

I smell hypocrisy still I hate the thought of any kind of animal cruelty. I love my puppies madly. He should be allowed to do what he does apparently well. I also think he should be forced to care for animals be forced to give 20% of his pay check to the humane society into perpetuity.

That is what I think would be fair; put him back into the NFL arena for his owners to watch him play for them. There is hardly a difference only they don't shoot the players after they are finished with them...hmmm maybe they should?

I kid.

Does it shock the world that we have differing levels of service? That we as a species like to see other beings suffer for our pleasure?

We need to hurt things apparently, we need to crush and dominate in order to feel better,bigger, the best.

I think Micheal Vick and Sarah Palin are the same, stupid and supremely violent.
What does this say about the rest of us...dogs?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Forgive me but I am going to be tough here. I think it's vital to be responsible for ones beliefs and comments and certainly I am not perfect in my own assessments but I am on a mission to root out any and all bigotry in my own heart and I am disgusted by it when I run across people who are in my opinion uneducated and religious and evil. I don't like the painful judgements they seem to have regarding homosexuality, race and other "issues". Unfortunately I have someone here whom I am suspect isn't a real person. I actually think it is one of my sick friends who is kind of bent out of shape because I am doing this blog thing so they pollute the thread with faux racism and it bugs me and I am deleting them and if it is harassment I will figure out how to stop them.

I want to say to anyone here I am not against opinions certainly but I am against people who are bigoted against those who may be outside the Neo Christian comfort zone. That is ME by the way I am taking offense here.

Get lost, stay away, you are not welcome on this blog and you know who you are!

Monday, July 27, 2009


John was my bestest friend, my dearest. He lived a hard life, he was complicated he worked in fashion but unfortunately he was a bit unfashionable in his looks heavy set, medium height and very pale with long luxurious hair. Not an ounce of muscle , not good for a gay man. He had the most beautiful eyes...very blue but that was it. I enjoyed my friend very much he could make me laugh hard for hours. I can still get giggly thinking about jokes or events that we encountered in our travels together. I miss him in 1999 he was murdered by his faux gay Moroccan lover. He picked up this desperate man in Morocco so eager to get out of poverty that he hooked up with my acutely lonely friend. He (The Moroccan) had a wife and five kids and was looking for exactly this kind of thing; lonely gay American willing to hook up and sponsor him. My friend thought that he had met the love of his life. He was extravagant with his boyfriends he would roll out the glamour with a capital G. The thing is though because my friend was lacking in physical charms compared to the gay ideal; Adonis. John had no confidence conversely he had a tendency to attract dubious people.

Oh I know water seeks it's own level. My friend hated himself thought he was horrible in all ways a gay man is not supposed to be. Yet he was generous, brilliant a razor sharp wit, nothing was missed by John he could identify almost every artifice except in himself. He refused to do "The work" that little bit of self inquiry that can help us back to shore. Oh I wanted my friend to be happy, healthy and loved. I prayed for him. It was not to be.

I did get to spend a lovely four day weekend every minute of those days we were together. It means a lot to me friendship. I covet people who make me laugh and think and see things. It was a big shock to get the telephone call from our friend Danillo saying John was dead. It wasn't just a senseless murder it was avoidable and yet maybe it wasn't. A very wise woman who knew John said he wanted to die. He was suicidal. I think she may be right. I know the last weekend we were together we went to see a famous Russian psychic who we happened to encounter in the hallway of the building where the party was being held to meet this guy. There he stood at 7 feet tall this Russian wizard, we arrived at the address at the same time. I say to him..."Oh you must be the psychic"? He looked down at me and then at John and suddenly he looked like he saw a horrific thing. I looked at John and he shrugged as the front door opened and the psychic almost ran into the apartment, ditching us. He wouldn't tell me what he saw he said "your friend knows, if he wants to tell you he will". I thought it was my friends heart (he was a big man)and John just pretended he had no idea what the guy was on about. Turns out John's now ex boyfriend was actively searching NYC to kill him. Hassan kept his word. John was on the run and this Russian wizard saw the after math. The thing is I could have gathered up my friend and jetted him back to L.A. with me. But he didn't want the help he wanted what he had created.

I have another friend that I am worried about, he happens to be gay, he happens to be sad and he happens to loath therapies of any kind. I am once again powerless to do a friggin thing except love him.

It is the weirdest most painful thing to love someone and worry because they want to die and yet is it really necessary? I think not.

It's none of my business, still it makes me sad.


This weekend I learned that the current health care bill will force those of us who are not covered to get coverage and that the system set up the way it is allows the same factors to remain in place. These factors are over priced meds and horrendous testing and lab fees as well as over priced visits and diagnostics. Honestly it seems the critics are right Obama wants his cake/s and to eat them too. It's as if he wants everyone to come over and play in the white house sand box happily together. That includes the sleazy profiteers of medicine. I am meaning this as a huge umbrella encompassing all of the pirates who have dominated our pricing system, may they all go to hell in a hand basket. This is pure evil and it will be Obama's undoing because he wants them to approve of his policies, his very being or so it seems. It isn't possible to have the care we need under the current system. Obviously it is going to take a huge grass roots movement to demand proper change. It behooves us, each and every one of us to be knowledgeable, informed about what we are demanding, what we are voting for in every body of government. It seems that the lobby to keep big insurance and pharmaceutical intact is bigger then big, mighty powerful and tricky.

We are under siege and I know it has been for a lot longer then these last 8 years. What price paid for us who have been asleep for so long as a populace because we are greedy, fat and stupid?

We can change our mindset, we can get what we deserve, what should be a basic right! REAL health care and it be mandatory, but in a good way.

Please people pay attention and get smart/er FAST!

Friday, July 24, 2009


Apparently Mr. Gates Jr likes controversy and getting arrested in his tony neighborhood of Cambridge after struggling unsuccessfully to get into his home after traveling all day is exactly what the doctor ordered. Lets face it no matter how you cut it being a police officer isn't easy and you are on point stressed and looking for trouble. Lets face it being an African American man is also just as stressful even after Obama's election. So it was the perfect storm of circumstance. I think we must be self responsible and admit we are biased and quick to judge people by how they look. I also think we give cops a rough time too and maybe it should be mandatory that every citizen serve as volunteer cops in our neighborhoods once a year like jury other words walk in each others shoes?

I am not sure I am on either side here...I know too well both sides. I am thinking honestly he is lucky he wasn't shot. Down south in the Bronx he could have been and the cops acquitted of it. Here in Cambridge it's not so quick but obviously it is still a hair trigger situation.

I know if Mr. Gates was a Caucasian the cop would have given him a bigger window of doubt and talked longer then he did and probably with more respect.

I also know that Mr. Gates likes publicity so who knows what really went down.

Yes, both sides are really guilty but of what?

Mr. Gates for being Black and the Cop for being a cop?

It's tricky...

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Gotta love the Internet and it's global potential for connecting us to each other. I am in awe of the scope of it. Thank goodness something has come along and cracked the wall, the invisible barrier that I think is responsible for separating good talented people from each other. I am talking about the cool potential of this social networking in getting good or great material into the right hands without the hazard of being filtered by one or two sets of Hollywood insiders who lets face it cannot make an original idea fly. They would not be able to recognize a hit because EVERYTHING so far out of Hollywood is retread material redone and barely disguised as's scary and it's motivated by FEAR. Yes everyone out in L.A has a major monthly nut to maintain and times are very how dare they take risks? Meanwhile they have to if they want to maintain "there there".
Otherwise we are looking at the end of times for Hollywood as we have known it. From my perspective is that a bad thing? I think not. I am thinking that the last 5 movies to come out of tinsel town that really shook my world? I can't think of five. The films have kind of been just so so. The big block busters that are supposed to make history that have tanked although I did like Iron man and Star trek a lot. I am talking about this new crop of animated films that look very dodgy as in BAD. Someone thinks up these idea's and considers them good. How is it possible to keep this up? So far the best features films that really work are foreign. That is rather telling. Hey I am an aspiring writer-director, nothing would make me happier then being blockbuster girl. I am still hopeful. I see it in my dreams. Yes, I am waiting for the right team, the uber brilliant gang of financiers who say lets give the woman a shot! Call me crazy, CRAZY!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Listening to NPR Madam Secretary Clinton speaking on the North Koreans and the ghost ship filled with Nuclear "goodies" for sale and the supposed tunnel that they are building into Burma how the desperate Lil Kim may be cash strapped so he is trying to drum up business with the walled in dictator of Burma as they prefer to call it Myanmar. It made me think that something has to be done over there. She, Madam Secretary said that she is in Thailand to help facilitate talks to encourage a cooperative strategy to quell the threat. She said she felt good about the direction they are going and progress was being made. It was so much hoo haw politico speak. I was for a brief moment missing Doofus Bush and his Texan straight talk. Look we have to do something. Lil Kim is shooting off rockets threatening nuclear war and bullying South Korea as he starves his people. We then have the Burmese gang holed up inside the huge walled fortress starving those people whilst they sit on a mountain of precious stones and apparently lots of cash What's to be done? Apparently not much...according to Madam secretary. It seems since we are in a pile of trouble here our influence has waned some over there.

I think Ang Suu Kyi is lucky to be alive and will never be free. They will probably murder her before she ever steps outside a free woman. I think South Korea will have to bomb Lil Kim and his Afro out of the water. Lets face it they have the biggest interest to oust the maniac. Provided China doesn't shore North Koreans up with military help,one never can tell which way China goes. Meanwhile we have health care which is limping it's way to some sort of resolution. Do we really believe those commercials against one pay or universal? People are you buying the fear factor and do you want to have big business in the doctors office with you? Change is that bad? It seems to all boil down to what is familiar and like the syndrome called "Stockholm" maybe we in America are too stupid and scared to try something new like Health care for all. Seems sad and scary to think that big insurance will once again stop America from getting something that should be a basic care.

There is a ship out in the Pacific filled with Nuclear crap for sale. How come Japan or China are not stopping them? Why is it always us?

One gorgeous bit of good news I heard this morning made me smile. The horrid outdated piece of scrap metal called the F22 was halted. Someone in office is doing a good job. That was a tragedy just waiting to happen anything that can come down because of a few raindrops does not belong in the defense arsenal. 1.2 billions saved.

So lets take that money and put it into our Health care...we need it people, please say yes.

Vote universal coverage for all.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


My father is very upset he missed the show yesterday and I am feeling for him. He is a space cadet and I am sorry we couldn't have him but I adored the outcome. You know one of my primal fears as a kid and an adult is being dumped or deserted and having people know that I have been dumped and or deserted. It is as if that is a bad thing,
a stigma.

Yesterday, I actually got to experience the truth of it, it is NOT a bad thing! You don't die of embarrassment, the sky doesn't swallow you up and I didn't feel less than in any way, in fact I felt like my angel wings grew an inch longer. Okay, I exaggerate a 1/2 inch is more like it. It is a wondrous event surviving and proving something false. It heals. Oh sure there was a moment of sadness attached to Father not showing up (again) but nothing like the Little self would have us believe. we can face those fears I promise even in a public form.


Knowing my Dad and how he rolls I pretty much felt/feel it was a good chance he was gonna flake. When he did I was armed with a spectacular sub (TB) and then my sister who I have to say isn't normally so open and frank publicly stepped up and filled in. I found the discourse to be deep, frank and interesting and less Hollywood and more real. I was moved and I was in it. At times I forgot I was on air and that could be bad maybe, yet it felt so intimate. I like that personally I want to feel like I know the person who is interviewing.

Today someone who is technical laughed at the dead moment ...I was on a cell and I had to take the call so there was dead air. Tony Bunn filled it by saying "we are still on the air folks"...LOL.. So good and funny and obviously NOT polished.

I am certain the depth of our discussion about my father will impact him positively by letting him hear what the effects of his actions are and how they impact us without the sting of accusations and blame.

There is nothing better. I just hope he takes the time to listen. It's a long show but pretty exciting no stone unturned.

No pun intended...

Monday, July 20, 2009


It isn't important to be heard or believed or agreed with, really. I notice that when I need outside input or support I am in deep trouble. Yesterday one or two people commented on the thread or blog topic and I felt fine about it but some felt slighted expecting something. I guess I have little expectation and I hope it isn't from the negative place but from an understanding. My evolution isn't yours and what I know is just that my "story' of things and chances are very high that I am wrong and so are YOU. Still it's revealing and fun to banter, share and listen, to watch others and enjoy the filter that each of us are. The differences are what gives us stimulus and that is life, living. For instance today it is scheduled that I speak to part of my family. Well the history between my Father, his wife and their family and my family (sis and other Mom)is deep and sorted and probably not unusual. Still it's complicated. I think fascinating material to do a show with and why not?. I am not expecting my show to happen because growing up my father was a "Gonna" this is pronounced "Gunna". A Gonna is a person who promises to do stuff but always cancels. Something happens every time. This is the way. So he says "yes I would love to do this or that" and lo and behold...he flakes. It's a fascinating trait, its all about power and yes it wasn't that great when I was a child to deal with. Being an adult it's easier to handle although I catch myself being less cranky and resentful when it happens and it does happen still. I will have my moments of regression. Something shifted lately for me. I am less charged by them his family and kind of understand the core deal...they are just doing the best they can, like all of us. So why be hurt or emotional about anything. He is getting on and I am getting on and life is tough and why be invested. Still he is "Dad" and unfortunately we have ideas about them. How they should act toward us and be, poor dads.

I am not certain what today holds and I don't care to know, I will let it unfold.
I may be pleasantly surprised and I may not!


Saturday, July 18, 2009

Tripping and other necessities

Listening to a study from (John Hopkins University) being reviewed and talked about on CNN heartens me. The study was to determine if magic mushrooms may be helpful for people who are having psychological stress as a secondary diagnosis the first being terminal cancer. That the hallucinogenic properties of (magic mushrooms) have a healing effect and a spiritual effect that so far (according this study) isn't harmful to ANY of the people in the study. I get sad because to me this is a DUH! Moment, having been encouraged as a child to experiment and then doing so. YES so far I have not EVER had a psychedelic high that was negative or that didn't have a HUGE spiritual element. Mind you I have had a vast network of healers, teachers ,shaman some charlatans and some real who helped and guided me...I am wholeheartedly FOR any tripping one can do. It has helped me tremendously understand that what we see hear and believe is all subjective and completely unprovable. NOTHING is provable REALLY...yes wars are fought over "ideologies" slavery enforced and torture maintained to prove that things are true and still it is FACT that nothing Can really be proven to be true NOT POSSIBLE.

Okay fight me on this...disagree and list all of the lost souls who flamed out doing massive amounts of LSD.

Don't get me wrong abusing anything even chocolate can hurt people...but in a guided sensible space with people of like mind and kindness and with whom one should have complete trust, it is highly recommended that if you can safely TAKE THE DRUGS!

You will not regret it.

Oh sure there are physical potential mishaps I had a friend once have a terrible trip of ecstasy because she was slightly anorexic and hadn't eaten for three weeks and took a capsule at my urging and her system couldn't take the pressure.

Weird, I never knew she wasn't eating till then.

No, you must be healthy and it should be controlled the space...before journeying but never be afraid especially if your circle is experienced and kind and clear.

Oh yes even then things can go wrong but I do believe we all need a peak at something OUTSIDE the frame of our thinking we do NEED to be expanded.

Go, live, love and TRIP...yes try it at least once!

Then tell me all about it,please.

Friday, July 17, 2009


I have a friend who is 15 who has been with me for a couple of days while his parents do what they need to do. It is my supreme privilege to be with him and just be as two friends almost family. We have walked the dogs, gone to his favorite hobby place, done whatever we wanted separately in my house and finally we went to see Harry Potter which was a c-plus we decided. I would say I have had a solid 48 hours of teen angst. He is smart my friend and at one point in our time together he started to unravel, for no good reason. At first astounded by the depth of his seeming despair I remembered he is a teen and this is what they do. I tried to lighten the mood which seemed to feed the "loser" flames. Then I began to do the simple exercises that Byron Katie subscribes we started to do "turn around's" . Now a fifteen year old is committed to whatever mood they are working. Let me tell you, nothing is going to shake the gloomies,nothing or so it seems. So I decided to do the exercise for me, my pleasure, no expectations, or results. I was in this moment with teen to see if "The work" withstood the "I hate the world and myself" juggernaut. It did! We did the work together. I squeezed some responses out of him fairly successfully it helped in cracking through some of the doom and gloom. Even when a person who is in pain doesn't want to be honest and give a simple yes or no answers. Which is harder to extract from people committed to "the story" of their experience.

I learned that teens have a couple of disadvantages...they don't eat well. It's weird they survive on crap, junk food. The chemical processes on the mood of our children eating an unbalanced diet is huge. They hardly sleep, the Internet has created sleep deprived cranky zombies. They are depressed about money all of the time. How sad is that? What happened to money free fun? They want stuff like we want stuff, all of the time, its sad. They are supposed to be CHILDREN yet they are hustling around for "STUFF" because everywhere they look someone is telling them they need something NEW! This is wrong. Finally hormones are raging and that isn't easy on any-body.

I say we begin to admit that we make life hard for the babies and especially for the teens. We also emotionally ditch them because it's damn hard to be attacked all day for just being "parent".

I know.

We could do better though we could guide the babies early off the junk food and have them like fruits and veggies. We should maybe consider limiting the Internet at night. We also need to be careful with "consuming" as something to do to relieve stresses. Teaching our babies to go outside and PLAY instead hopping creeks and balancing on logs, playing in the yard with other children, riding bicycles.
Take up a sport with your kids so you have something to do together.
They need face time that isn't under stress. Get interested in what they like to do. They blossom under attention that is clear and clean and without YOUR needs mixed in.

I loved my time with my friend, The teen. I am also appreciative that my son is grown.

It's a gift parenthood...truly.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Josephine Baker

Last night or maybe it was this morning (late night) I dreamt I was reading (auditioning) for a feature about Josephine Baker. I was competing for the role against another actor who was ten years younger and less fit then I. It was an odd dream because the process was intense. I really felt good about my chances and in the end I didn't get the role even though I was physically closer to what JB looked like and in better shape then the younger performer. It was so powerfully clear the dream. I felt as if it was a sign telling me to stop even thinking about auditioning stop, retire from acting. I live away in the Seacoast as far from the Hollywood scene as you can be...yet I don't miss L.A. I do miss the opportunity to just run out and do an audition or ten but I don't miss auditioning itself. In fact I feel sort of rusty and less motivated then a couple of decades ago. Oh sure it's good sport to bitch and complain about Hollywood and it's insensitivity's toward us gals but it's also me...I am out of practice as an actor and it's something like anything one must keep up. Like writing or music it's just healthy to keep playing, practicing. Also I was never one of those MUST act or die people. NO, I want to communicate I love showing every aspect of humanity within the confines of a role. Although I don't make a fuss (demand attention) about some of the roles I have tackled. Some (not all) have been complex and hard to do and damn if I short change myself by not making a bigger deal about say playing a nude cave women and making it poignant. I'd like to see you do that,not easy. Still I am guilty I recently had to audition for something I noticed I was eyebrow acting, not good. It comes from lack of practice. So last nights dream was a sign. The question is what kind of sign was it good or bad? I will continue to lose gigs for being old (by Hollywood standards) but maybe it was also a sign to not stop, keep playing. To keep being out there, learning and growing as an artist, maybe. Do we ever need to "retire" from make believe? I think not. I think my job is to be as honest about being away and unavailable and happy about it. To admit I could maybe practice more and to just do it, practice and act. who is stopping me? No one tells us to stop (acting) unless they do and until someone says you are finished thank you...I think I am in for the long haul. I loved Lynn whitfields JB I almost think no else can touch that. Maybe dreams are just that abstract and make believe.
I don't know.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Something tells me that my upcoming family event (a Wedding) is going to bring me to my knees in a myriad of ways. I will have to wrestle the urge to want to kill, my various killable family members (all) I am certain. I will want to curl up in the fetal position and weep like a baby as I watch my one and only child /man take his girlfriend and make her his wife. I will struggle all day with wanting to drown my sorrows in a few too many glasses of bubbly only I have promised myself not to because it doesn't make me cry less or get the words out and I have a few I am supposed to get out and I will be damned if I embarrass him, my baby. For some reason he is still my baby. No, I will not cry, I will not cry during my speech. That is where being a professional actor will come in. This is a monumental day. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be watching my son do any of this. For us life is precious and fragile and at any moment it could be gone. My son is legally handicap and has been a wonder of strength and has made me proud. Oh sure if you met him you would say "what is she talking about?" He isn't obviously fragile. Lurking under his skull is a fascinating bit of mechanical genius that keeps his brain healthy and in good shape. Until the day it is pronounced redundant he is dependent on his two Ventricular Peritoneal shunts. Amazing engineering that has kept my boy safe and sound and I bow to the feet of technology for having come up with that little bit of wonder.
He is healthy strapping and handsome, smart, kind and funny and very sweet. Yes, I am aglow with Motherly pride. He has also caused me to die (metaphorically) at least 5 times as I rushed to the hospital with his little limp body deep in crisis, alone as I watched the emergency room people rush to save him. He has made me know in the most intimate way, death or goodbyes. The reality that there is NOTHING I can do to stop him or anyone from doing what they may need to do, like pass, transition, die....we are helpless in the face of destiny or what have you. Sometimes we die, too young or so the story goes.

I refuse to tack the usual religious hoo hah onto this story because whether this is all because of something more than me or him I will not say I know. I just think it has been a moment by moment adventure and still, even now I cannot assume that he or anyone myself included will live to see another day.
When I decided to become a mother 28 years ago I never factored in the possibility that I would be in for the teaching of a life time. That it would be the great undoing of Rae Dawn. So grateful am I that my child was born healthy and then full of adventurous medical needs. I am grateful we came through so far and I am thrilled to see him continue on the path that we all a way. Marriage and children no doubt, although I stop and say nothing here now is expected...whatever comes is a gift, a blessing a dream and wonder.

My adventure in Motherhood has taught me to have no expectations only gratitude.

Thank you.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


So much ink is wasted on the lives of the dumb and dumber when people who are living saints go under reported. The woman who helps Afghanistan woman sell their goods to a wider global market. The Women who walk through villages in the most dangerous rural poverty stricken areas to make sure people take their medications all for a pittance. The fine nurses and teachers and trail blazing politicians in this country we have a long long list of luminaries that I want to hear about everyday. Women who are beautiful and interesting and doing something. Yet I look on the homepage and there is bold print is a photo of a woman I think is "intellectually deficient" as in I will be politically incorrect "Retarded" getting space because her just as vacuous Boyfriend broke up with her.

It's wasted's pollution and it's sad. I want to hear about what they are dong at "Democracy NOW" I want on my vogue covers woman who are not only beautiful but doing something.

What do I do? I do this! I live and tell. I live and I tell what ever comes to mind only I hope I keep my mind somewhat vital interesting and balanced yet bold.

Death to vacuous sex symbols. I am sick of these throw backs. I don't care, stop those who love to make fun of them or look at them.

I think every editor who continues to pander to this is stupid and unworthy of their jobs.

Off with their heads!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Busy bunny

All of a sudden my summer has jet propelled into a mad dash...weddings and poetry needs for wedding and housing concerns and more weddings and work issues and course tests and completions and YIKES ...I feel a wee bit overwhelmed and so very human. My dogs were very happy to see me and my BF too although he is so busy I almost forget what his name is "who are you?" Then I hear rumors the Obama's are on their way to Martha Vineyard and I got a wee bit jealous. I want to be a kid and spend all of summer there not just a moment. Okay, I am grateful I had a few days and boy were they heavenly. My host kept my tennis and social calender filled. Ooh baby, I love me some summer!

Now I am home and having to get serious and complete all sorts of critical things and keep my artistic soul "moist"...hah! I know that sounds a bit icky but it's true.

I spent the last hours in MV helping my dearest friend with computer stuff successfully, big accomplishment. I have a new blog talk show coming, that I've yet to prep still I am thrilled about it. This is the best; rumblings in the works that some in Washington are going to go after the evil triad who manned the Axis know whom I speak.

So how bad can life be?

In fact life is hardly bad just a wee bit full.


Finally my sister Precious is enjoying rave reviews for her show, makes me happy for her!

I hope your summer is just as full or fuller, share.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Elegant tomboy...

Yesterday I took my family for a short ride in a boat I was captain. I am new to this particular craft but it isn't too big or powerful and I grew up on boats it feels almost like we took off and flew around the harbour looking at other boats and houses. Martha's Vineyard is a joy an absolute paradise and apparently I brought the sunshine. My dear friend Julie teased me she said 'RD" you are an elegant tom boy, long nails and gold rings man-handling this power boat. It's funny".

You know she is right. I am a tomboy and I love the attachment of elegant. In my house we didn't have a man around to fall back on so we or I had to do the heavy lifting. Nothing is beyond my attempting it once, nothing. So if it means power tools or driving a lorry, I am there. I am a women who has girl-y features as well and I think that is essential. WE are what we are and can be capable of many things obviously. I must say I was sad Hillary C. didn't win. I want to see a woman run America in my lifetime, please. Nothing is set in stone a capable women doesn't have to lose her femininity, I don't. Nor should anyone else. Just like a man who isn't gifted in these ways, like power boating or fixing engines. You can still be a fully capable masculine guy without those talents. One can be a fabulous cook/chef or decorator and still be a gorgeous fully balanced and masculine man. A Renaissance man at that.

So it maybe that elegant tom boy isn't has exotic sounding as a renaissance man but I think it is a compliment.

Being a renaisance woman, or an elegant tomboy.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Blame storming

Oh I love that is on a commercial and it makes me laugh every time the actor says it. I get such a kick. I love the concept of just "blaming" everything but ourselves for the "problems" we have. It's all our fault no matter how you cut it , no victims here. Of course I notice I will forget and point away from myself. Just rip into a Blame storming session with gusto!!! Hmmm not a good act, certainly not honest. It is said that if we can see it, we can be it and we are guilty as the ones we charge. So I can find (most of the time) what is wrong with people, places, and things, wrong with "my thinking" with me simultaneously, if I am honest. I know I have my proverbial hand on the proverbial trigger. It's a sick kind of fun to point outside of us and say boo...and certainly sometimes on the surface it isn't us it's them. See we stop paying attention we lose focus and "policies" change, literally suddenly what was a law that protected our diverse presence in media gets changed and slowly and silently we disappear from media or are marginalized. We cannot figure out how or why...but had we paid attention we would have noticed and gone to the meetings along with the attentive few who were desperate to stop the law from being changed in 1995. I didn't see it coming, didn't know, no one was paying attention in my world. That's when stuff changed so it is was our fault. I get mileage out of blaming the lack of diversity on the lack of women (of color) in writing rooms,and I am right but not's not just that its a combo of many things.

Not sleeping now. In my house we have an argument going, it's on going because we run out of energy to pursue it to the end. I think food commercials should be banned past 6:00 pm. I think it is evil to have dripping chocolate Sundays shown at 12 midnight as we are just about to go to bed or burgers oozing grease and cheese, pizza. This is right when we are beginning to get hungry again. My BF says no, we should have self control and avoid the temptation ourselves. Mind you he is an incorrigible snacker who seems not to gain extra weight, unfair. I disagree I think we need assistance. Someone needs to watch out for when we are vulnerable.

Hello! There is a theme here we are vulnerable. WE ARE!

Sure it contradicts the point the subject of this blog...we are responsible for ourselves not "them"...but I need assistance. I need people to remind me to focus and be attentive and make waves. To show up and protest to put "the fork down" to stand up for those who need it.

Us, them, me whomever.

Still it is us, not them, we need each other. Yes we do, even if it's to blame YOU for our laziness.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I see the Elephant.

Yesterday I wrote this in response to the thread regarding Rev. Sharpton and his statement that MJ helped Obama...

"I think America is guilty that we admire children who are tortured into being show biz brats . The parental dominance and lack of sensitivity it took to turn those boys into the J5 was and is a tragedy. So add that we adored them and wanted them and watched everything they did. We colluded with papa Joe. Still do That service was the extreme of exploitation... Yet WE ignore our part in making/adding to how they turned out. People we have MJ's blood on our hands because we loved him so much when he was a child. Then when they don't turn out right or they have issues we act surprised. It's a giant case of guilt. This weird adulation. People just don't know it".

Guilt has a way of wreaking havoc in our lives. You see parents who are dominated by their children because they drop the ball daily as "parent" and spend more time on the computer or in front of the television or out. So they stuff the children with "things" and allow abhorrent behaviors because they are just to
guilty" to do anything else. The emotional bank account runs dry and Mom is in collusion because she hates her spouse or the children too. America is in trouble in so many ways. Still there is hope. If we as a society could just identify our guiltiness and stop and reassess what we do, instead of heaping piles of gooey emotions all over celebrity or in this case a very sad and creepy figure such as MJ. I love his talent, his star, his charisma. I just think everyone has taken a long vacation from reality and decided to ignore the "ELEPHANT" in the room...I heard that Diana Ross wouldn't discuss the "issues" surrounding MJ and that she wouldn't entertain the thoughts, completely ignored them. Imagine she had his ear , imagine what she maybe could have done if she was a true "friend". I think we do this with him now, call me jealous or mean or insensitive but it's the same issues that all abused children feel. No one looks out for them they just adore the abuser especially if he is famous and rich and talented. I know many of you out there are hellbent in white washing this man especially since he is dead. Still I cannot ignore that facts that something strange was going on all the way to the end...just look at the guy. That his family tracks out the sad children is another tasteless example of "no one cares" who is in charge, it's pure exploitation. Now and way back then. Please the hideous coverage again and again of the white children of MJ who, I am sorry, do not share an iota of "Jackson" DNA. People where are you? It's sad alright it's really tragic.

I am stumped by it. I am creeped out by America, the world.

Micheal Jackson hated himself and his family (excluding his children) he wanted nothing to do with them, obviously.

Honestly I do feel sympathy for his children for their loss and NOW for their future.


Monday, July 6, 2009


Okay ,I have a new teacher or I have decided he is my teacher at a distance. It has been percolating for a while. First I want to admit that everyone I meet in person and here in this virtual reality is my teacher so don't feel left out. Nothing happens in my experience that isn't a lesson or a teaching that I can glean something from. The meaner, crankier the source, the more I pay attention and the more love I feel toward whatever appears or whomever, making this life fascinating...and essential to surviving. Otherwise the world is too harsh and people too sad and wretched for me to find light. If I can see the "oh" in something I get excited and turned on. So I was watching a Biography on Johnny Depp and I feel in love with his "way". Not the actual man although I have met him and spoken with him and adored HIM. No, it's not him it's his integrity. I like how he rolls. We trust him when we watch his work to do the very deepest best in everything. That takes a special brand of man/woman. Delicious, his heart is huge and his approach (acting/life/love) so deep and his way so enticing. I know he is a hard drinking hygienically challenged maniac, I don't care. I know people have harsh words for him...join the world and club of life, who here is perfect? I just love his essence and I model him. I want that confidence to be so true to what is "THE THING" and deep and full of "fun". I think he is a joyous person and he is generous with it.
He makes me a better person, a better's heartening.

Thank you for being one of my GURU's... Johnnyji!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

All about it

We were reminding ourselves to stay in the sweetness, (me and my friend Chris) the spot of the moment.
To focus and not stray beyond the infinitesimal now...that minutia. To be 1000% involved in whatever we do accessing all of our "self" in what ever task. Putting out in that big important way.

The difference of this experience, the texture, the purity, the love is breathtaking.
There isn't anything else worth doing. NOTHING else exists or matters if we are split into the future. It is only our focus our concentration on this here now.

That is our JOB. Our only JOB...the rest is sweetness and energetic exchange.

But without this it's fear, sadness and struggle.

Look at the men and woman you admire and notice how they put all of themselves, 100%... into everything they do, no matter the consequence.

We are all capable of this

That is what we should be all about.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Yes we can!

We have to get universal care now...not later, not yesterday. I am appalled by the number of politicians who are supporting big insurance companies. Yet another slice of proof that campaign funding is wrong as it stands. We need to pull it away from private and make it public and away from corporations. I can't believe I hear public officials sad that there won't be higher profits for the insurance companies as if that means we have suddenly devolved into Marxism. what is wrong with our system? Why is there so much resistance. I can vouch Universal care won't solve all of our woes but it will improve our lives immediately.

I am ready for this shift and I support Obama. I am also happy Norm Coleman finally slinked away what a bother!

We deserve to become the greatest country in the world not because we say so but because we are.

We deserve it!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Common sense

We are a litigious culture and no doubt when you mix in the potential for financial gain with the fragility of questionable behavior it opens up Pandora's box. I think we African Americans have suffered too much injustice within our justice system that I find it fascinating that we suspend common sense when it involves our celebrities. That we are so quick to find the likes of OJ and MJ innocent and completely without guilt because a court found them so. I think it insults our common sense. Granted I am asking for a shit storm of controversy and I know many die hard idolizers will call for blood but I find it really interesting that in this case we have so much faith in our system, the system that has done almost as much harm as good. There are many innocent brothers on death row who are not getting a fair shake. There are people dedicated to routing out these cases of blatant racism especially in states like Louisiana and Texas and these men were dragged through the system and found guilty. Yet are they? Shoddy police work and tainted witnesses and social fatigue. In the case of MJ I am not saying he is directly guilty but just the fact that he was so socially awkward and preferred children's company to adults regardless of guilt or innocence, isn't normal. This is America and not La La land and I am sorry but who are these parents who pimped their kids out to him? If it were another grown man who arranged his 2800 acre estate to be a child's dream and hosted children everyday and in his private quarters he would be given the same treatment but we suspend our judgement because MJ could sing and dance and that's wrong! Still people will go banana's and say how could I say those horrible things about MJ? So the argument that he was found innocent is sticky and I find it hard to calm my inner guidance, my alarms still go off. Grown men who play exclusively with children are weird. I know I was not there but I find it horribly creepy to know he preferred children to adults and he was always under the influence (pills) those are tough circumstances to expect that NOTHING ever happened and it was all sweet fairies and light. I am sorry but it just doesn't add up. I take the position of the police department that he was getting away with strange stuff for a long time and his spin machine his handlers batted away allegations and the last ones were just too much to ignore. For the record the last case was one of many reports that they (the police) had to sift through. So don't tell me there wasn't more complaints, there was.

Common sense is not a dirty word.