Monday, May 24, 2010

The sexy soulprint

I am impressed by people who are able to formulate connections that seem random but in the end are not. There are patterns everywhere and connections everywhere with almost everything in the cosmos. Still for the average person (I consider myself just that) it isn’t natural or even fun to see these connections we will write them off as coincidence not causality and we will dismiss them as a waste of time. Imagine a world where we didn’t do that and we allowed and held for moments meaning in everything we did. If we were humble enough to see the connections and were self responsible to them and in fact honored what our very being, your very beingness contributes to life. In the big sense of the word and the micro sense. We leave a footprint both carbon and I think spiritual, physical, emotional, and of course intellectually. So it follows that we impact everything and everything being connected as such we matter; every single one of us. Welcome to your/our world. Yet we live as if we don’t meet and it won’t matter and that the little things are just that small and inconsequential. Silly us, nothing is more damaging as we can certainly see with our current in (constant) crisis policies from Washington to our own personal polices here at home. We are intense manifesting, polluting, demanding oil addicts who are so very important to everything, everything we are influences everything so in turn everyone. The gulf oil crisis is the latest, biggest example yet again of how far off the beam of right action we can go. Imagine living with this responsibility without blame and fear but with pride and joy and concern for qualiy of life for all versus a chosen few? I watched a film by Jake Kotz that he made for a very dear friend and it does reflect my friend. He finds our essence through our work in film. I love what he finds as far as cosmic connections and their impact and I think each of us no matter what we do has this impact. It is fascinating, you are fascinating. I am at the moment reading a book called FREE; the future of radical pricing by Chris Anderson. His thesis is how Free is or can be actually Free no strings attached. That this weird and not so new value system is causing old outmoded thinking problems expecially economically. Another aspect is our connections and how they are now very, very important and valuable measurably. He explains this as a new currency we have co-created with the web and social networking. How reputation and influence matter more today then ever and how monetary measurement is NOT the only way to deduce value on a commodity. It has shifted to another paradigm and continues to shift and it is shaping where and how we live and make money or should I say VALUE we are now becoming value harvesters, not just straight up money collectors for profit.
So you are of value today in ways that were immeasurable yesterday. Your very being counts in ways it may not have before and yet I think our importance on the grand scheme of things has always mattered and has always had impact. The joy of this is being happy about it and spreading the love and being generous. It all boils down to that…LOVE. Every action and thought and intention matters somewhere there is impact. So it helps to find the joy and love in it. So in this micro moment I can honestly say I love you because in reality you are me and I am YOU. We are in this together.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I will probably get in trouble for speaking up about this but I feel compelled to say something about this issue. It deals with collusion and parents allowing because of greed our children to be exposed to things beyond their development and how because of this greed and ambitiousness abuse happens. I feel for someone like Charlotte Lewis because obviously she suffers from some definite unmet needs and for me being someone who has encountered her throughout the last two decades for various reasons. I always felt sorry for her. She was allegedly passed around Hollywood as it happens in Hollywood when a new face arrives and it seemed to me that she was happy about it. That she decided to go public with a charge that seems serious about Polanski is interesting and very revealing for its desperateness for attention and its timing. He is in this instance a sitting duck and no I am not saying he is innocent and I am not defending his behavior at all. I just think it strange that she comes up with this now and what will it give her but 3 minutes of news space. It’s sad really. I know that Polanski is guilty of many things in general, one being talented movie director. So of course children will be presented to him because they (the parents) want something from him a chance for their girl to be a big star. In the era that Charlotte was presenting herself to him, Polanski had famously made Nastasia Kinski a household name she who was also a child when he began his pursuit. Nastasia famously talked about being with him at 16.
I think it a case by case enquiry going after Polanski and sadly it will always be collusion. Each side wants something remember the original victim of Polanski was pimped to him by her own mother. What mother allows a 13 year old time alone with anyone famously sexually adventurous as he was? Turns out quite a few or so it seems in the news. So as a society we are kind of conflicted because we push sexuality in our own children by allowing them to dress like adults and we allow then to watch sexually charged content from almost every aspect of media. Finally the pursuit of fame allow parents to pimp their children in beauty contests and dance offs and on other media outlets like YouTube.

Then we go after the likes of Polanksi socially its schizophrenic. Nothing is right about sex with children, nothing…I don’t care what country you hail from. It isn’t fair or level or correct. Still we have to examine the sexualization and the selling of children in ways that seem innocent but really are not and I want to include the parent’s responsibility. I think mothers should be held accountable and brought up on pandering charges. You think the 13 year old who Polanski molested is responsible for being allowed to be alone with him? Her mom knew where she was going and with whom. It’s sticky and tricky and grey this area. I think someone like Charlotte is guilty, guilty of wanting to be famous at all cost. Her charge will never hold up in any court. Not if her long list of lovers show up and tell their side of the tale, and yes it is quite sorted.
I want justice for the wronged AND I think it's complicated.
I don't think it fair parents are getting away with allowing children freedom and or lack of supervision. Where were the parents in all of this?
He's guilty for sure but so are they.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Okay I wanna talk about body fat and indulging in all the things we know is not good for us and I want to do this with love. I have always had to face the lovely fact that I can be static (not move) and I will over eat. I can blame my childhood (I do) and I can swear it is a lot more or not simple that it is a deeper “thing” that I grapple with day in day out that fuels me to indulge and be too fat for my taste.I have body dysmorphia I think I am fitter and thinner then I actually am. I adore good food, good wine and all things naughty and on top of this pile of goodness I am E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L. Which to those who are not highly emotional may sound funny or foreign but to us who are emotional or as I like to call myself a "complete mush cake" it is a serious deal or disadvantage. I am always baffled by folks who cannot eat because they are upset (good idea) I happen to be the person who will eat because I am upset. Or How about happy, I will indulge because I am happy, "whoo hoo lets party". Recently I was holding on to “Martha” my roll of sweet fat I have affectionately named “Martha” and decided she has to go. Now I know I always talk about it but I realize she is no longer serving my highest or heaviest good. Yes, its time to stop with the little ways calories creep into my day. I don’t eat like I should. I need to eat 50% less than I do, period.
I do eat the right stuff, organic, local, fresh but its portions, plus wine. We can’t drink one or two glasses a day and expect to lose. It is IMPOSSIBLE. Then the fact that my fat holds my emotions like a post card when I start to shed the weight I start to relive stuff that isn’t happy or easy. I can release tension in my hips that must carbon date my childhood or early twenties. Its intense and makes me teary eyed and I suspect most women and men who are obese or just overweight have so much emotional banking going on inside that fat that losing and releasing it comes with the double whammy of PAIN. Emotional pain, I think the whole fitness craze needs to very much emphasize this fact. Losing weight and resetting our normal size/weight is a multi-tier job. It’s not just fat we lose, we lose our inbuilt protection. This is huge, no pun intended. We need to start with inner stuff at the same time as taking that first step to shed the outer layers. The step of adjusting our nasty food habits that are destructive. We all know that creamy and fat laden and processed and out of control portions are not our friend. I also say get to therapy or find a very capable friend who will let you unload and dig deeply. Go in to all of it (history) and try to excavate the stuff we all are avoiding. Like abuses and shocks and disappointment and pains and guilt. There could be guilt from some complicated thing from a date rape to maybe an abortion, huge life altering horrid issues. Also I want to say you are not alone. Yes, all of us have had all of that or those things to deal with. If you are women and you have been living for at least two decades on planet Earth then you have probably been a victim of SOMETHING. Okay that’s my joint for the day…Fat is our friend and we need to thank our Fat for insulating us and we need to allow it to go.

I am ready. Let’s do it!

Monday, May 17, 2010


I had an epiphany today about work. I realized that for all of us, myself especially. I will hold back the best of me because I am hurt by some past thing. Nothing specific maybe just an overall malaise or a buildup of lifes disappointments which will make me sad in an almost unconscious way causing me to withhold my very best, plus I will judge whatever I am doing as less then important in order to justify my holding back. My withholding will then become okay and I will carry on at half mast, fooling only myself and depriving only myself the very best in life. BECAUSE of a past hurt I cannot for the life of me recall. In other words we walk around half dead and giving 40 % because we are feeling hopeless and it’s to effortful to be so keen all day, everyday. YET it is imperative to getting the most out of everything we do and life in general. Ahhhh so; it’s a catch 22? To get the most excellent good fortune we have to risk all of it everything we’ve got. We have to show up completely and with love. It sounds so damn easy but it is not. No, it is challenging because I reckon most of us have a pretty fantastic set of excuses as to why we don’t give life (in the big sense) our all. This withholding has a nasty habit of leaking out into every aspect of our lives and it punishes us. How, you ask? By making others and life in general think us untrustworthy. People places and things function first and foremost on vibration so it follows if your vibe is low or damaged by sadness or “listlessness” then life responds accordingly. You get what you give off. I know it sounds simple or maybe it doesn’t.

I was thinking about what it means to be an actor today and how if we appreciate the gift and continue to expand and learn the craft like a beginner and really treasure the process as sacred the experience is such. Truly sacred and magical and wondrous and fun, but if we are heartbroken and cranky and sad we eminate that vibe and it colors the experience. It harms the ultimate goodness making us accept an okay response and experience but not something great or transcendent. I speak from experience. Some of us are talented and blessed beyond belief, in fact I think each of us has a cornucopia of talents we sit on and ignore. I think everyone has some unique quality and magic that could be shared. I see a man who lives near the place I am staying here in New Orleans who is hardly alive physically. He putters by on his scooter hunched in two, going 5 miles an hour or slower. His eyes are beautiful and he is very much here, present. If you were to see him at a distance you would feel pain and sadness for him. I looked deep into his eyes to see if he was present and he was. I was struck by the spirit of him, the get up and go of him. Lesser men would have called it a day, died. See he is just doing what we all do; living. Only he with major physical disabilities gets up, dresses, mounts his scooter and goes outside and does stuff, impressive.
He is a teacher, a guru here to show those of us with so much more how petty, silly and lazy and stupid we are. Compared to scooter man nothing is stopping us. He shows me that I am gifted in infinite ways, BLESSED!
We are by Gods grace meant to be generous and kind because we have so much. I apologize to every body and everything I have held my best from in all of my life. Because I know I can always give more…we are magnificent force sent here to have a very full experience. It is up to us to appreciate and share and continue the flow by paying it forward, every second of everyday.
This starts with acknowledging our gifts and grace, enjoy and get out there... Go!

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I decided to see if I could delete my account from FB. It took a while. I am excited about not being there. I know a lot of people were happy but I think I need to personally reassess my presence online and upgrade it.
A proper site in fact may be due...till then I am here.

I will be here exclusively till further notice.

I want you to be different.

“I think fear of identity loss is at the root of racism. Not wanting to lose whatever we think is ours. So integration on both sides creates loss of identity we then demand separation (false sense) for identity security and therefore we kill to prevent the integration, and the peace...she sees this fear on all faces both black and white and it is interesting and I think a beautiful place to start in understanding the fixed position of needing separation.”
I wrote this because I think it true.
We can overcome the need to be separate if we can embrace a powerful identity that isn’t based on stuff or any outer thing. Including family, job and status, who we are is tricky anyway; most of us have no idea truly what our personal histories are. Unless you have a DNA test and then have it genealogically traced we only can go back so many generations and most of the family lore is fiction unless you were born into a wealthy or famous and well documented family like the Kennedy’s. So my point is we may not be who we think we are. In fact count on this. So why hang on to a myth? Most of the hardliners who demand separation maybe suffers from other mental challenges which as is common here in America undiagnosed. From Paranoia to a host of other maladies such as lack of compassion to a simple lack of intelligence, we suffer from being stupid. I am not saying run out and embrace anyone different from you I am asking to look into our personal lives and see where we prefer what we know. Where we stay in a sort of animated suspension in our social life because we are afraid to venture into the unknown, education, learning more about how others live culturally and trying to embrace and allow them their differences and yes we need to begin this work in preschool.
It’s happening I think in most quarters of the country, still we need to encourage people to not be so tolerant of public figures who promote hate and racism and fear. If there is sin then spreading fear and creating civil unrest because it is easier then tolerance is a great sin. The most sinful, shame on those that are doing this...shame on you.

Because I want you to be different.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


I am on location in an ancient place, New Orleans. Everything about it is old and historic and yes sad, as well as hopeful. Something about this place spells danger in a good and bad sense. I get that its economic and racial the divide and I sense though that no matter how weird and below sea level things get around here people will always stay because this is home. I get it and I admire the resolve New Orleans is a tough gorgeous tricky spot and I feel blessed to get to spend some time here…Amen!
Now something interesting occurred and I have to share it because it has to do with all of us. The driver Tyrone (a tall drink of water) picked me up and mentioned that he had to pick up another actor earlier from another production. She is a very famous actor and very successful. She was working with another action super star. My film is small with an outstanding excellent cast. So no I am NOT complaining but I sensed he was comparing us. In his defense I could be wrong. Anyway back to the story... I just can't compete. I feel less star like these days since essentially I have been VERY off the beam for (honestly) at least 2 decades. I noticed he and his buddy (drivers roam in packs) were discretely or maybe not so discretely checking me out. He, Tyrone said I was prettier in person (Ha!) and the other driver David said I was nice, very nice (worrisome) now I shop for clothes that work for and are good to work out in and are functional and usually I can lose them or damage them and it will not hurt my bank account. I promise nothing I wear unless it is over 25 years old is label. I can’t afford it and wouldn’t bother it’s never been a good financial way to live spending like Kimora. Plus I don’t have Kimora cash…but I do have a swagger and I am me and that is enough.

I started thinking about the message having all of this label expensive clothes sends to the young impressionable. Maybe even the not so young but still in debt folks. Not many people can afford the Beyonce clothing and I do understand the idea of dreams and seeing out favorites drive around in expensive cars and still I say; really? Is it a good image when the same 330,000 dollars spent on a Bentley could be invested and in ten years be worth a hell of a lot more than a dumbass car? We as a group could step off it a minute and think about being maybe more Asian like,smart and frugal…I know saying Asian may be racist and I don’t want that. I do want my communities (I have a few coursing through my veins) to be smarter financially. I do want to value quality and still be frugal. I do want to encourage buying a company’s stock instead of its gadgets. Ohhh forgive me…for not bringing the bling I think the radiant inner bling is more happening anyway…. Hey!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Across the Universe

This morning I was asked a simple question which sparked an idea. The question was whether we as a species were going backward away from technology as a response to being so electronically dominated. I think yes…we tend to go against trends when they become too prevalent. The constant texting, the compulsiveness of it,the almost nutty reliance on our pda’s is bound to have a push back or rebellion away from it. We never go full bore stupid for anything eventually someone or thing makes us stop and catch our breath and rebel. I think many things can and will make humanity slow down…one being more hardship whether by financial collapses worldwide or disease or war. The other by possible alien invasion which I believe isn’t as farfetched or insane as we always think it. Hello? Anyone notice that the Universe is enormous? How can it be that only the human race is functioning? In fact that scientific thought is insulting on every level. We cannot be the only intelligent life form and when you look at the things we do it’s not a vastly high intelligence either. No we are not alone. That it’s been this long and we haven’t had a definite contact is interesting but I think its coming. I think media begins the event by planting ideas to make them less farfetched. District nine was an amazing film filled with excellent very real concepts and I promise it will be close to something like that and let’s hope we can dominate them and not the other way round. Then there is famine and water shortages and possible power shifts with Communist countries the intellectuals keep assuring us that China doesn’t want to take over the world but I am not convinced I think hubris a worse and more dangerous stance then caution and humility. We as a group in the USA have more than enough hubris. So I think it very possible we could be reduced to simpler means how we live,communicate and function. On the other hand I do want to stress the importance of inner peace and mastery. learnng, having the ability not to be ruffled out of balance because life as you know it has changed. I think it prudent as a species and as individuals we examine where we are attached and not in a healthy way to everything around you. I think it prudent to imagine complete change and not judge it one way or another. Everything could and can and will change drastically. I remember a story Byron Katie told us about watching her little grandson Race almost die. He was born but took a while to breath. She was present in the room. Everyone panicked around her as a hospital staff would do when a newborn is having breathing issues. I try to imagine not reacting but Kate didn’t not because she doesn’t love the new baby…but it doesn’t help and we MUST learn to accept what is not as a weak response but as a trust as an active choice. Not as a lay down and die stance but as an act of understanding and strength. Race took his breath and all was well but he just as easily could have expired right then and guess what? That was as good as living too. Only as a race, as a society we don’t give short lives any respect we instantly judge them as bad. Oh we have so far to go. What am I saying?
…I say don’t get too comfortable in anything, absolutely appreciate life, as it is for you now and yet know, count change because it is supposed to keep morphing, evolving. It’s not a bad thing it’s a fantastic thing…Exciting, check out the 2009 crop circles worldwide they are magnificent and it feels like a message is being shared in the designs regardless of who is making them….it proves to me that we are definitely not alone.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Arizona must be a sad place filled with racist people…only that can’t be true…yet this current climate of law changing anti immigration is awful and ironic since officially we stole this country from the Native American Indians and the Mexican land barons and more…we seem to forget this.
I don’t want the law to take and I hope it is overturned. People forget that many illegals are willing to pick crops and work in sub minimum wage conditions and many businesses count on them to fill the gap. Take away the opportunity and we legal Americans don’t fill the gap. If indeed it were true that young people, unemployed or retired folks would break their backs picking strawberries and other crops picked by the so called illegal’s or as I prefer to call them "the undocumented" workers, then I understand the barrier or need for segregation. Fact is these people don’t want the jobs and millions of tonnes of crops are being wasted. We are allowing food to go bad that could be utilized. It’s hard not to think Arizona has defined itself as the white state since this law has occurred. I bet there are many in Arizona proud to take this stand. I smell serious "out in the open" racism and even more militant racist protestors taking up their cause. It saddens me and makes appreciate the defeat of John Mc Cain. He is front and center and nothing is more heartening then knowing we almost or could have had that and don’t. America has bigger fish to fry and lumping racist policy on top of the huge heap of issues is lame.
I vote we open the borders North and South and make it the Americas total…lets really add some much needed rhythm.
Ole’, Eh!

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Just back from my first gig in many years, it was amazing being filmed again. I had forgotten how it felt and was excited to be doing it, playing and pretending to be someone else. I very much enjoy being someone else. I got to be a witch this time and other then lots of words to memorize I enjoyed the weirdness or otherness of the “touched”. I am a witch in every cell of my body I so believe in the unseen and all of the faeries. Maybe it’s the Irish- Afro- Chinese shamanistic blood coursing through my veins but it feels like home to be a witch. I fought to have as real as possible. We shot outside in the cold wearing essentially a toga which was a challenge but in character it hardly mattered I had a Pegasus to conjure. So this is the main reason my blogging was suspended. Also the internet service where I was staying wasn’t very consistent and that makes it hard to do something as leisurely as blogging since keeping up with e-mails took precedence. I learned something that I had forgotten many decades ago…I love to play. I love to play dress up and I will hang out and play make-believe until forever. Doing this film connected me to my heart and my love of the make believe. I think this is the fountain of youth everyone needs to remember just play. Get outside and play oh it’s nice to have a crew taking film of it but it doesn’t matter you can still get out and make believe without a crew. I felt very happy doing this movie and I am so lucky I get to go and do it some more in a few days. I am a child at heart. I am a fairy.
I wish for all of you this…to be childlike and know you are safe and delightfully loved.