I had an epiphany today about work. I realized that for all of us, myself especially. I will hold back the best of me because I am hurt by some past thing. Nothing specific maybe just an overall malaise or a buildup of lifes disappointments which will make me sad in an almost unconscious way causing me to withhold my very best, plus I will judge whatever I am doing as less then important in order to justify my holding back. My withholding will then become okay and I will carry on at half mast, fooling only myself and depriving only myself the very best in life. BECAUSE of a past hurt I cannot for the life of me recall. In other words we walk around half dead and giving 40 % because we are feeling hopeless and it’s to effortful to be so keen all day, everyday. YET it is imperative to getting the most out of everything we do and life in general. Ahhhh so; it’s a catch 22? To get the most excellent good fortune we have to risk all of it everything we’ve got. We have to show up completely and with love. It sounds so damn easy but it is not. No, it is challenging because I reckon most of us have a pretty fantastic set of excuses as to why we don’t give life (in the big sense) our all. This withholding has a nasty habit of leaking out into every aspect of our lives and it punishes us. How, you ask? By making others and life in general think us untrustworthy. People places and things function first and foremost on vibration so it follows if your vibe is low or damaged by sadness or “listlessness” then life responds accordingly. You get what you give off. I know it sounds simple or maybe it doesn’t.
I was thinking about what it means to be an actor today and how if we appreciate the gift and continue to expand and learn the craft like a beginner and really treasure the process as sacred the experience is such. Truly sacred and magical and wondrous and fun, but if we are heartbroken and cranky and sad we eminate that vibe and it colors the experience. It harms the ultimate goodness making us accept an okay response and experience but not something great or transcendent. I speak from experience. Some of us are talented and blessed beyond belief, in fact I think each of us has a cornucopia of talents we sit on and ignore. I think everyone has some unique quality and magic that could be shared. I see a man who lives near the place I am staying here in New Orleans who is hardly alive physically. He putters by on his scooter hunched in two, going 5 miles an hour or slower. His eyes are beautiful and he is very much here, present. If you were to see him at a distance you would feel pain and sadness for him. I looked deep into his eyes to see if he was present and he was. I was struck by the spirit of him, the get up and go of him. Lesser men would have called it a day, died. See he is just doing what we all do; living. Only he with major physical disabilities gets up, dresses, mounts his scooter and goes outside and does stuff, impressive.
He is a teacher, a guru here to show those of us with so much more how petty, silly and lazy and stupid we are. Compared to scooter man nothing is stopping us. He shows me that I am gifted in infinite ways, BLESSED!
We are by Gods grace meant to be generous and kind because we have so much. I apologize to every body and everything I have held my best from in all of my life. Because I know I can always give more…we are magnificent force sent here to have a very full experience. It is up to us to appreciate and share and continue the flow by paying it forward, every second of everyday.
This starts with acknowledging our gifts and grace, enjoy and get out there... Go!