Monday, June 29, 2009

Semi decent

Everyone has done some thing or three that they are not proud of certainly. Yesterdays blog brought out some strong responses. I am sad I wasn't more patient in my assessments of MJ. I guess it's too early to examine stuff regarding the KING of pop. Seems to be a raw subject and we are still mid worship so I understand my callousness wasn't appreciated. I feel sad to see so much idolatry. I don't understand it and it gives me the willies when it is directed toward me so...I think I am correct in my assessment that we are desperate to heap onto someone ultra magical powers. We want there to be a GOD we so desperately need to worship something, someone outside the little I. I get it yet it seems sort of tragic all at the same time. There was an argument made that he was found innocent twice. I can't imagine any jury in the world finding the KING of Pop guilty of anything. They could not convict OJ and he wrote a book about his crimes after the fact almost like a way to purge his guilt. Plus he couldn't sing but he won a Heisman and well football is almost stronger then song and dance. I was not in the bedroom with him and I did not see him having those "sleepovers" or giving kids the "Jesus juice". I did see him with children once and he was happy, so I can give a grown man that.

I think I am anxious to have emotional maturity in my community. I am anxious to be treated as equals in society. I am eager to be given everything everyone else gets and that's including criticisms. I do feel we as a group are not equal until we get the same reviews for our media output, the same judgements leveled at us everywhere.
I know historically we have been lynched and burned and prosecuted unfairly for decades and I feel our horrendous history I do. Still does that give us a free pass, now? I know many will argue we have to do ten times the amount an average non ethnic person does to achieve the same outcome. Yeah, that is true, but we are loath to be put under the microscope of criticism that our contemporaries are measured by. Until that time are we equal? We can and should be able to take the heat, without pulling the race card. Our community is complicated and the new paradigm that is being ushered in with Obama's election is going to take some getting used to.
We as a community are not acclimated to harsh criticism without it being tainted by words like "racist, jealousy" what have you.

I am anxious to be free of those limitations. To my peril. Yesterday I withstood some personal attacks and I laugh because honestly no one can hurt me like I can hurt myself and nothing can be said that I have not said to myself, really people?...Do you think I don't know who I am and where I come from?

This is my FB page and blog and if you don't like what is written here then too bad.

It's a free country... last I checked.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Juicy stuff

Sexual misconduct with minors is a diffcult weird uninvestigated illness.
Add in celebrity and you have a bigger problem it all boils down to not getting the help THAT person needs. I understand that once a person becomes skewed toward this behavior it's nearly impossible to change them. Yesterday someone on this thread brought up the need for safety in reporting. They feel rightly that a person who is battling this illness (sex with children) doesn't have resources to deal with the problem. Truth be told no one has real resources to deal with mental illness every where we look in every pocket of society we have major mental unbalance. People walking around in critical mental disease...not getting help.

Recently a dear friend was lamenting his life because he cannot make a decision with it. He cannot find a job or career that thrills him. I think there is a lot of pent up stuff preventing peace. How does one get that "stuff" out of the way? I only know one way and that is with help. We need help all of us. We need someone or two or three to help get perspective. On the other hand there are many therapists who are not up to the job or it's too expensive. Our current system, our medical system fails the majority of us by not making it easier to get counseling. This is why we need "ONE PAY" or Universal health care. This is why.

The creepy part of Micheal Jackson's life is that he had resources. I think he didn't have the intelligence to get help. I am not speaking in terms of just himself. I am speaking to the people around him. I think the tragedy is he made people rich, too much money for anyone to step up and say enough with the children and the sleep overs. No one wanted stop their money train, which was MJ. Sad, all of it super sad. I loved his music and I think he will be remembered for it too, and he will be remembered for the other stuff. It's just the way it should be.

Meanwhile we need help here in America. We need great mental health programs and availability to them. We need it to be fairly priced affordable for all. We need help, here, VOTE yes to Universal medical.

Call the local senators write, donate to Move something.

Friday, June 26, 2009


There is a strange feeling I have right now and immediately after hearing about MJ passing, and that is elation. I felt relief and happiness for him in the most pure way. It was moments later when someone reminded me that he had three children and there I felt sadness for them. Him, I feel only happiness and hope that he will be better able to handle his demons and maybe find a race and a sex that matches him and where ever we end up after transitioning I hope it is clear and free and peaceful.
I am sad for everyone including myself who had the Jackson 5 as back drop and inspiration and now we are left without, him.

These last few decades were unkind to him starting in the 90's and there is nothing we can whitewash regarding that. It was a weird end for a talented but damaged man/boy.
I understand all of his records are selling like crazy now and i hope that will help his family the three little ones. I hope so...I hope there is a rainbow at the end of this journey.

I love MJ especially the little guy I met 43 years ago...

He will be missed,he has been missed.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


When I hear stories about children being used in Afghanistan as mules as smugglers for profit. The bulk of the cash earned going to drug lords child slave laborers. Tiny little kids as young as ten facing border crossings and inhuman conditions and worse. All of this for money to simply feed their families. So I wonder is there a GOD and why are some of us more fortunate then others?

How is it that these families have to allow this to happen? Simple they are starving so the word goes and they need the income. Otherwise they cannot scrape by...and they are scraping by. Some complained that before the US offered aid in place of their poppy growing operation things were much better only the aid never made it, they claim they had a way to make some money then. Since we are at war on drugs and everyone else these people are suffering still waiting for the "Aid' meanwhile they have to pimp their children to smuggle and sell illicit goods for strangers to strangers in another country.

How can there be a a so called loving GOD if this is happening? Why are we so damn loyal to "Him"? I know child abuse is everywhere and it is happening here and it's horrible.

I wish there was a way to know that life truly was eternal and that our souls were truly everlasting and there really is a broader perspective. That we are just working out our destiny our misery and abuse and despair.

Because if this is all there is and some people deeply argue the that this is "it". Well then life is too harsh and I am sad for everyone here on Planet Earth suffering and dying and being tortured and hurt. I know it is planet wide.

We need torture? We need imprisonment? We do?

According to some if it is here then it is needed...I am not so sure.


Health and wealth and all things true I am certain if I had to choose my health over lots of cash I would choose my health. If I had to choose my health for my freedom I would still choose to be healthy.I can always find a way internally to be free even if it meant some kind of containment. My ability to move freely and do sports and to sleep well matter. So its crushing that we are in the health care debate and that finally the entire establishment of health care is being outed because it is about illness and less about prevention. This is important. As a country as a collective we shouldn't be fooled by the price tag when we compare the cost of WAR for example. We would have so much free medical care with the price tag of the Iraq war alone enough for many generations. So it's gutting and stupid to pretend that the bigger issue regarding medical coverage and care for people is the cost. No the bigger issue is busting open the price gouging in every sector of the AMA. Are those prices really reflective of the true root value of the services? NO! It is a small group of men who hold the purse strings and have benefited who are desperate to keep this cash cow flowing their way. I noticed yesterday a commercial for medical coverage for 3.00 a day. So the industry is already working hard to compete. We Americans should be a lot madder then we are regarding the condition of our public services. I hope we wake up soon. I hope we see through the rhetoric scaring less informed and lazy people into thinking we will become socialist. When we all know most of don't even know what a real socialist is.

So lets keeping harping for one pay...lets do this.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Love is thick and gooey and repulsive and addictive and fine. I have so much of it in my life and I give as much as I can. I know I could be even more generous and these days it's all about that. Giving. I like how Angelina has made it uber chic to be a saint, cool even. I like how Madonna is trying her darnedest to catch up to groovy earth mama Angelina. Good luck, of course it's all good if more babies who need adopting were adopted into good homes we would be the better for it. Of course...being a mother is intense difficult work. Satisfying and hard. I had my days when I wanted to return my child to whom ever is in charge in that BIG way. I just wanted to rethink the mothering thing for a week or so. Then something adorable would happen and he would regain my devotion instantly. To say I had no moments of regret would be a lie. I did. I think being a care giver, being a parent is serious work. Love is mighty important and I think many of us reject it on principle we deny it,because it's so sticky gooey and sweet. We find it repulsive not so much love but our intense desire for it.

Love is molasses only better.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Excited to serve

I have made a decision to become certified as a physical trainer. I know, at first I was a bit nervous and embarrassed but I love training personally and many of my tennis pals ask to come along when I am lifting weights so many that I can at one time or another have as many as six people training with me. So I decided at the urging of my own personal trainer to get certified. I have been afraid of doing anything other then what I have been doing for 35 years. I think I have been frozen in fear scared I am useless unless I am acting exclusively. So now I am finding more satisfaction in writing and communicating (talk radio) and training. So there it is my future. Movement and teaching and talking and sharing this great process called life.

It is scary to commit to something new, I get a bit nervous, no good reason, but its change which makes me feel fragile and exposed and , scared. Nonetheless I am excited to get my books and start studying. I so love everything to do with the body and exercise. I love, love, love finding that point where I am deeply challenged and wanna quit but don't as I make it to the other side. I feel so damn accomplished and being super vain it is so much nicer to be exposed with a fit body wearing a bikini, joy to do that without fear. You know? Plus being so close to 50 I am still aiming on keeping myself HOT. Okay? Yes call me shallow but I feel Jack La Lanne is on to something at 90 and still pumping iron. This is one habit my beloved Dad gave me. A love of sport , weights and all.
Wow today is a day of beginnings I have the radio show this evening and this...

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Senator Lyndsey Graham from North Carolina is a dumb A*% he doesn't know the difference between Supreme leader of Iran and its president Ahkmedenajad (no difference in rhetoric just different men) or that the Supreme leader is an Ayatollah. Thankfully he is one of the leading voices of the Republican party because if this is the best they have then we Democrats are doing fine. I am sick of hearing about how devastating one pay health care will be as if we are not chronically screwed up now. I know that there are imperfection in "One pay" health care but the up side is people who need help will be able to get it without devastating results. The AMA and it's platform (lobbyists etc...) have had a free ride jacking costs through the roof with the brunt being shouldered by the public. The motivating factor being Medicare, it's very existence has spawned an atmosphere of over charging the government. Now we are paying for it. So to say it is going to create a shoddy climate of care for the masses is absurd we don't have to have a bad system we can design a futuristic better system and we will find a fair way to pay for it.

It is Fathers day and I love my Father and I equally dislike him. It's amazing to me because no matter how much I try to Idolize him I cannot. Yes, too much foul water under our bridge. Still he is my Father and no matter how much I air my grievances publicly (and I do) I still love that man. He is human and he is imperfect and he is much loved and he is complicated. Like me I suppose.

It's a hallmark holiday which gets under my skin I feel manipulated to purchase and care about something some one else in an advertisement office decided I needed to care about.

Inorganic, lame and ridiculous. I think we should appreciate each other naturally when it warrants it.
Not because we need to generate shopping.
Oh well....we're working on our values, I hope.
I am grateful for everything including my family.
Especially my Father.
I appreciate the complexity of's very exciting and keeps us sharp!

Happy Fathers day you men...I hope today you feel appreciated.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Expanding into sound

Yesterday I opened a Blogtalkradio account and I will be announcing a show coming up in the next day or so. It was pretty fun doing the test and I think it will become easier as I get used to doing it. I am thinking it will be interesting to communicate some of these ideas on the air sort of speak. I hope you will come and visit the show and add some comments. There will be call in so you will be heard and there will be live chat for the more shy but still opinionated folks. I am hoping to hear from some of the stalwart regulars here and on Facebook. Oh we'll see. Change doesn't always go over with people but I will try to keep the topics hot and real and deep. As always.

So if you have any ideas or topics or guests you'd like let me know I will try to accomodate that.

Try being the operative word.

So it's on!

Thursday, June 18, 2009


It's not easy being gifted and of color and American but I know it is easier then being female in the far east or even the middle east so we have very little to complain about. Yesterday on Facebook I opened a firestorm of discussion regarding racism and bad content in the media. It isn't so much that Tyler Perry sucks (he does) it's that it reinforces our negative stereotypes. Of course it doesn't surprise me that Lionsgate produces him they are a company run by the lowest denominator of human being. It is painful the success he has because is this all the man has to offer, Madea? As a group we have diversity in everything, not everyone has to be uptown and educated for certain but we need a balance we need to have a diverse representation. Okay I understand showing the fierce woman of color and her strengths being all that. We do get sick of seeing us down trodden Ho's or worse crack addicted whatever/s. I have shared in portraying my fair share certainly. Still it's about diversity and opportunity. I haven't always made the right choices in roles and I regret some of those choices. Mixed into this one has to make a living. Still no excuse but it is one just the same?...I still think if we are sourcing the material we have more responsibility to stretch and delve and expand the experience. It is broad and gorgeous and I for one hope with the paradigm shift in the highest place of power (Washington) we can celebrate it in the media. It is time we came out of the shadows end media tokenism on Television and Film and stepped up our visibility to at least 25% of content since that is what we represent in the population and people we must support the material but only if it warrants it. The tragedy of Hawtorne is that it could/should have been produced by the best and I am certain regarding Hawthorne the producers were afraid to say it sucked (Will and Jada being royalty) when it does. So now it will be a LONG LONG time until another women (of color) gets a chance to do a show as important as that.

That is why I am so personally hurt by this flop.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Apparently we do not have to do one thing. It is done to us for us by life. According to someone I trust to know who (I will not name) life happens to us and what we can contribute and the only thing we need to contribute is trust. When we "get in the way" that is when our trouble begins. Okay, so for me I go into panic mode...fear of not getting things done the way I like them. Immediately I will get bossy and start to control the environment by ordering and doing everything. I know this isn't team spirit and I have seen the absolute joy on the face of my loved ones when I don't "do " so much, I have. It's cultural this conditioning this rush to get "there" and get it done. I have been dreaming wild crazy very detailed and I must admit clear dreams. I get excited it's as if the unconscious is telling me something quite spectacular is maybe coming my way. I want to investigate when I wake up I want to call somebody. Then I sit in meditation and I realize no, I need to continue what I do and be open. See what comes. There is a path we are all on. We have a direction. There is fate...we just rarely get to know the mapping of it, the direction. I fancy those of us who seem to have a clear sense of their lives, will feel I am speaking "crazy talk". I am talking to you too. The heavily scheduled people who have not a moment free. Things are NOT in your control. Anything can and will happen. That is the beauty of life. That is the "rub"...shit happens.

So like my wise friend says; We sit ,stand, lie horizontal, the rest is a story.

What's your story?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Poetry and beauty

Yesterday I felt sad and called out (GLT) that I may be focused too much on world events and not enough on the joys, and the beauty of life. Although it's kind of shallow to be sort of "La dee da"about things when it does feel some what acute our current affairs both domestically and abroad. We should remember things have a way of working out and adjusting. Still I said something I wholeheartedly mean which is I hope I can make the transitions gracefully. Everyday I want to completely overhaul my day to day existence. I am not certain exactly what changes I crave but I am definitely hankering for something new.

The idyllic beauty that I live in is wonderful certainly but I can't help but listen to the pundits and get riled up. I am supremely bugged that we have become THE gossip the world over because our financial situation is so messed up and places like Iran are gloating.

I want to drag the last administration into the office of the uber principal of life and punish them for exposing us this way.

We helped the Afghans take the Russians down and now they are returning the favor.

We will never learn pride does cometh before the fall.

Meanwhile there is hope,I am seeing more women on television and not all of them are dumb pole dancing morons.

It's refreshing. Praise to; Nurse Jackie.

My new fave.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Intrinsically wrong

There is something intrinsically wrong with fighting a war using robots. War is already a demeaning act that has lost it's honor as weapons became less man to man and more machine to machine. There is something noble and limited with sword play and fists that brought out the futility of fighting. It showed us the warrior the uselessness of force. Once we introduced the gun, the automatic weaponry we were screwed. Now we are fighting with robot manned airplanes that drop ordinance onto everyone, no distinction. So along with the occasional fighter/rebel we wipe out villages filled with elders, women and children,we are evil. Contract fighters men and women who get paid outside the military ie; Blackwater type firms are still very much in use. They are in the "grey" area of the law and Obama has managed to maintain the previous administrations contracts with all of the theses concerns. and it has been proven time and again to create rebels, hatred continues to be expressed everywhere, if we look. So yes, it creates the very thing it is supposed to curtail. Hatred toward the USA. We are farming terrorist by killing unnecessarily the people of the world. I will say the world because it is a mess in a few hot spots. I agree Obama has inherited a huge mess but he needs to reexamine his foreign policies regarding our so called war on terror. Personally I think the brilliant ex vice prez wanted to stick his grubby hand into the US treasury and found a solution when we were attacked on 9/11. It isn't an accident that he had most of the big contracts in Iraq for everything over there all the down to electricity. Shoddy dangerous murderous work KBR has done and it cost us 80 billion dollars. I wish someone would audit what the approximate amount of money he made with his various affiliations.I speak of Dick Cheney. Can't we examine his assets? Trace his various bank accounts. Treat him like the war criminal he is? Please.

Meanwhile Mr. President we need to reexamine everything we are involved in over "there"...we are breeding more trouble then we can handle by being complacent. We are wrong and we need to cut our losses and get out is too late and we lost.

So what!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Where am I?

Someone recently blogged about my where abouts. I am America. I am not living in Los Angeles and I think it may have a negative impact on my visibility no doubt. Plus I am represented by a very, very small agency and lets face it Hollywood doesn't do older women of color well. Maybe it's my fault living where I do and I may be out of practise (acting wise) although I don't think that is possible. I just try to control eyebrow acting, as in don't do that,pushing,being too big. I am happy where I am. I love making films and television and I hope to remain viable but on my own terms. It's harder and it is taking a lot longer then I had hoped but I feel drawn to this journey. I want to do it my way. Having said that I hope my show idea sells and I get my act together and mount the web episodes of Kings college. Oh I have plans. Meanwhile blogging and having a life on the Internet is fun and keeps me happily connected.

Oh sure my punctuation could be improved but this feels like the future. This out of Hollywood communicating feels RIGHT. Broadcast television is dead. I think standard distribution of films is dead. I think the web will save Hollywood and make it accessible to everyone so merit and talent will float to the top and in saying that it smashed the boundaries of "insider Hollywood". I am no longer an insider but I am just as sharp ,sexy smart and talented as the early days and my work just keeps getting better.

I am here...riding the next wave.

See you there.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Desperate times call for...

I feel for Iran their young, the attentive, the desperate who did not vote for Ahmedinajad. He is a troubled man in a very sad and frustrated place. I listened to very well educated caring Iranians who expressed frustration and sadness and a desire to get off the hard line against the US and to have a moderate come into power. These being people who want to make a living not war, who are motivated by commerce not dominance. It is a sad day and many people will be killed demonstrating. We struggled through 8 years and two corrupt elections and thankfully the crassness of the corruption began the shift here in America that we are seeing. Sure this period (Obama) may not last it could be "cut down". Somehow I think the unknown effects the unknowable (magic) has already begun the healing toward a better way of living.

Although moments ago I watched a women driving her Escalade alone...with the license reading essentially "hockey Mom". I wondered if she was one of the disbelievers of Global warming. She seemed unaware. Or maybe she is aware but she doesn't give a care...there are millions like this.

No, my focus today is IRAN, my sympathies go out to the demonstrators and I am sad and fearful for them.

Spirit /soul gives me hope. No matter how much the "powers" that be try to dominate they fail ultimately. The Young and unhappy take to the streets and they change things...look what happened here.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Instant retribution

Ha...what a delight my rest 'note" brought more responses then I have had in a long while. I am adjusted to the quiet mind you. At first I was eager to have more responses (like we had at FB) then it felt forced. Wow, that forced feeling that seems to be a constant theme for me. The maintaining balance and clarity and sitting with what is with out too much drama. I am facing so many wild inner struggles at the moment and some of my issues are as old as the hills. Today is a bit different since my urge to destroy what is good is lessened. Thank Goddess. Still it isn't easy being a "being" and I struggle as much as the next guy to keep within what I call "Cosmic flow". That energetic place where we are carried, guided and loved and protected. If I step outside integrity I get in trouble. I am one of those people who get instant retribution, it's pretty interesting and keeps me honest. One night after a dinner party. I was walking back to the car and the sidewalk was teaming with roach's. I was wearing my new favorite sandals. For some weird primal reason I started to smash the bugs with my wooden sandals. Killing quite a few it was huge carnage for the roaches. Finally getting back to the car we drove off. A few minutes later as we were speeding down the highway. I smell a horrid smell and it is coming from my foot. I take off my right shoe it is covered in dog crap. Yup...after smashing those roaches I had stepped into crap. Out the window went my new shoe. It was so upsetting since I had just gotten the shoes that day. Killing those insects was the problem. In my life this is how it goes so I am hesitant about being out of integrity. It is far better for me to be be clear, honest and good. Yet, It's not like I am not temped. I am often and it's so hard to be good. Even at my age gorgeous temptations abound. Yikes.

No, I prefer to be within the circle within protection I cannot lie...this is the better spot for me.

For you too.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


I am tired.
Too tired to write.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

What is it?

Watching an older (before Obama) comedy routine with Chris Rock I was somewhat baffled by his take on why African American women don't date white men. He kind of gets in trouble when he tackles sexuality and I think it's because he is a scrawny guy who I suspect was a late bloomer and so isn't that experienced with sex and women to be rapping about it like a seasoned "dog". So the pressure to be a full blown comic you gotta fake that shit till you make it I guess. Still I think he is VERY nerdy and VERY awkward and when he goes "there" I can feel that icky suspect feeling of this is not going to be good. I think he is wrong about us. I think sisters like to date men who treat us like queens period. Some prefer less drama or competition. Culturally a white guy is less inclined to have a stable of women. That alone keeps a sister out of the pool. More control and safety so we give up athleticism in the sack and maybe six (more inches) whoo goes a long way not having to deal with "That Drama". In fairness to the brothers who are not "players" I know you are out there...I am not speaking about you. In fact you guys are so rare and lets face it usually taken, some of you with white judgements just pointing it out.

Now I know historically I have insulted many a brethren for my dating history (predominately white guys)I can tell you it is all conditioning. If I grew up in a southern place like Atlanta with a Daddy who was dark Chocolate brown (I am a Daddy's girl) I can tell you I would be all over it! Instead me and my sister were raised far far away in the great white north, Canada! Our Pops is as pale as ever although he wishes he weren't he wishes he were something else. Every person of color growing up in our city was a relation and a crazy one at that meaning we never met anyone our age in Vancouver or Calgary that was cute or available. I have no early memory of even seeing a small kid of Color in my house or neighborhood. It was Polish, Irish and Italian and they did not get along. Now my dad had two women of color in his life my step mom Maxine whom he married and my biological wreck of a mother G whom he hardly remembered her name. Then he dumped the lot for the hot blond who is still his love today that was 45 years ago.

So I have experienced from a child's perspective what Chris Rock was talking about in his routine "the brother who dumps the sister for the blond" wound.
Only my dad wasn't a brother really, he acted like one,hung around with a group of guys who were but he wasn't and he eventually chose what I call the Hefner choice, the blond. Yesterday,I was looking at a magazine article about the collapsed real estate market in the Hampton's. In almost every picture with every "rich " guy who was either Jewish or Middle eastern looking was a blond trophy wife. The schikzah
goddess syndrome.

In fairness to Blond women some whom I adore and are my best friends, not all of you become trophy wives and not all of them age ungracefully but a lot of you do.

I find that ironic and sort of weirdly satisfying. On the other hand my gorgeous mom Maxine who is 67 looks to be not a day over 40. The firmness of her glowing chocolate skin is pretty outstanding. She will out live us just with her genetic superiority.

Mr. Hefner and his 60 years of Playboy set the standard...blond as the ideal of beauty. I know it's morphing and with Halle Berry and the lot it has shifted.

Personally I would have more than one man in my life if it were acceptable, socially. I mean not wanting to disrupt social order I could have more then one guy in my life and if it meant a rainbow of men,I am in. I confess I am open to everyone.

You see a sister just wants to be treated well be given attention and good loving when she wants it. Loyalty is important but I know many women who would not leave a man because he strayed, she just remembers it and files it away and maybe spends extra cash from his account that month. No,it's not racial really...or at least not in my circle. I have blond women in my life who only date brothers. I know sisters who only date white guys.

Oh there are many reasons emotional and other...lets face it sexuality and intimacy are complicated, tricky territory. I don't understand all of it I am a beginner myself. I do know I look less at the covering and more at the heart and soul and mind of a person maybe because I am older, wiser and just less concerned about beauty then I was decades earlier.

I look for a friendship, conversation. I think it will be fascinating to watch the standard of beauty shift away from the Nordic ice queens (I know not all of them) and open up to warmer skin tones,the more age friendly genetics.

I also know men who are "white" that only go for the "exotic" because of this exact reason...they want a stunning women to be their side for a long,long time.

I know not all women who are blond age badly.

Besides wrinkles have their own charm. That's what I keep telling myself.

Chris Rock maybe on to something but it's too big a subject to tackle I say tomatoe, I say tomaaato.

You know.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


I am guilty, yesterdays post wasn't the most sensitive especially to the Afghans. They can't just get up and move the Taliban so I apologize profusely to the entire population of Afghanistan. I do know that as a culture they are wise and family oriented and they care deeply for their land and we who invade (try to) cause more pain and suffering...we never learn. Not from Genghis Khan or Alexander the Great. We just don't listen. I think it is easy to be worried and xenophobic.

We can't just withdraw from these areas we have to gently pullout. Ha...sounds sexual sadly. I hate equating violence and sex and yet?

Now we wait and see...pomegranates are my favorite fruit and word has it that is where it originated Afghanistan.

I feel pain for everyone who has to live in war torn places. I cannot imagine the devastation and or the pressures. I cannot and to say I can would be insensitive.

I want to go and support and relieve the people everywhere who are victims of war.

I want the West to behave. I am sad we have a North Korea problem and I am curious what we will do about them.

Burma and the Burmese suffer in near silence and here we are all running scared.

Is it natural and right?

Is this what we are? War devastation?

Haiti, The Congo Delta? Gaza? Iraq?


Monday, June 8, 2009

The New deal

Joseph Pulitzer warned us he said "the day corporations run the country will be the beginning of the end". He knew once corporations dominated Government we the people would suffer. It is true. We can trace all of the countries suffering from corporate over runs, from systemic bullying. Once and until campaign funding from corporations becomes illegal we will always have a conflict of interest.

Is it me or are the critiques of Obama searching for almost anything to scream "failure" at his administration and his family and finally to him. I get riled up when I think about the wreck the previous team left for us here in America. I wonder aloud some times saying "how dare they complain" about this intelligent man. Oh sure he is human and capable of misstepping and he has made huge mistakes.
I disagree with him on Afghanistan I think we need to pull out of there and cut our losses. I think the Taliban can have it and I think if the people there don't like the Taliban then they should leave, or figure it out or get rid of them.

I am not interested in being "Hall monitor" for the rest of the world. I think it is a pompous stance and I think it alienates us and it's BS we are not that flush or capable. Its like a distraction of more serious issues. Our lack of values.
No there is too much to accomplish here at home. Our health care system is flawed. It needs a revolution and it needs it yesterday.

Our Agriculture business is lacking, our food safety monitoring systems are in need of repair. We are desperate to become producers again we need to model ourselves after the best from other places like Denmark and Sweden and Holland maybe Germany.

We here in America need work.

So this being the middle East moderator seems futile and self serving and the only reason we give two shakes is oil and I suppose that is reason enough to still be involved.

I tell you if Israel (some in Israel) could they would nuke everyone who threatens them.

I love my Israeli pals and feel I am by nature not anti Semitic.

I am just sick of the conflict there and I think they should stop the settlement expansion and how dare they do what they are doing in Gaza! Keep the original agreements please! Being raised by Shelly Bergman most of my life I feel Jewish Spiritually.

Yet, I can disagree with policy and and at the same time NOT be anti Semitic.

I get sick of all of us jumping on or using the race card. Complaining about what is obviously a go to position "race" but it' s weak and unintelligent.

We need a serious new deal. We need to over haul everything here in America. get off the couch and off the highways and ride a bike everywhere.

We need to re-establish contact with our family and friends and have more face time less computer or texting or whatever takes us away.

We need to stop eating so much, start by banning food commercials on the television.

Stop over isn't helping us.

What is helping us is maintaining, encouraging community caring about each other, loving each other and sharing this gorgeous Planet with everyone in the spirit of renewal and giving it a fighting chance for our future generation.

This is home.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Popularity and good hair

Today I was mentioned in an article regarding women of color in film. The theory was regarding Hollywood's bias toward light skinned women versus the darker skinned actors. She (the author of the article) feels we who happen to be mixed and light skinned are preferred by Hollywood or the powers that be. Of course I think this depends on the role. Maybe she has a point when it regards the opposite sex and or the interracial combination, maybe. Personally as a light skinned sister I have noticed that darker woman who are large seem to be written for they show up in everything and they make up a lot of the smaller character roles in content. In other words I am referring to the Lorretta Devine type roles BBW who are often sassy and usually not very sexual but if they are sexual they almost never cross over the race divide.

Imagine we are still so obsessed with good hair. It really comes down to "hair". This interracial sensitivity. Who has good hair versus the "weave" or the nappy head.

Personally I think she has a point this writer there is a bias. It starts with the blond Caucasian both men and women and digresses in popularity there. The ethnic woman of age is the last one to be considered we just get crumbs. Age and race and sexuality a lethal combo one much ignored.

It makes me sad but hey no complaining here. I have had a brilliant time and who knows what I have left to do in film (I have no idea) some moments I feel like there is a lot more. Other moments I can see never stepping in front of a camera again.

It's not my business to worry about it. It feel out of my control everything in my life.

I do think it's fascinating how we divide and separate. I think we are animals and we function as if.

I think there is nothing wrong with a preference or preferences. Its what makes life sweet, we get to choose. I am keen on the Internet leveling the playing field a lot more. It feels like here we get an opportunity to circumvent the Hollywood Agent manager clique who in my opinion are extremely uncreative and clique-ish.

Like high school yet like high school I am not convinced being popular is such a cool thing.

In the long run.

Like the high school big man on campus who is a used car sales man today.

I think being an outlier has big benefits.

Of course I have to think that to maintain my dreams.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


There is a theory that we need or must investigate every trauma in our past history that if we leave things alone without making some sort of peace with the impact or some sort of understanding with it that it will haunt us. we will be forced to revisit things as the fallout wreaks havoc on our lives when we least expect it when we least can handle the situation or in the most destructive way.

Okay, some people as usual can and do abuse this too. They will indulge in some cases bludgeon everyone in their way with their childhood hurts and some people I have known will use their history as an excuse to be a jerk. Not cool and hurtful to anyone who doesn't have this intention. So balance...plunge investigate and grow from there, not dwell.

Example; you were raised by a dominant sadistic parent whose behavior was stunting and violent and as a small child undefended you were victimized.Yes you survive just barely but now as an adult you have years of abuse to sift through and you choose not to look into the impact or to deconstruct the defense mechanisms you needed then but not now, so what inevitably happens is the defenses are not deconstructed they keep working only now you are safe and out of harms way but parts of you are still "on" and working perilously creating new problems. So things happen to you to your system that create pressures or illness. Because as a rule defense systems are complex and effective and when no longer needed destructive. Yet our society doesn't support this kind of work as normal you run to the doctors or land in the hospital wondering why you have unexplained symptoms etc...Still in our society we hardly ever take a wholistic look at our "physical problems " as potentially sourcing from emotional, or psychic damage done decades earlier.

Ahhh but if we are blessed and there is some fortunate encouragement guidance we can begin immediately to deconstruct these complex systems. Yes,we can begin to dismantle the out of date defenses and release some of the pressures and reacquaint ourselves with parts of our being we may never have met before. We get to release the scary dark "secret" self which always 100% turn out to be not so scary dark or necessary to keep secret because we are now safe.

It is valuable work it should be embarked on with care and with strong help/ers who have integrity and are spiritually grounded. Not religious per se; just a good respect for the unknown.

So I encourage looking deeply into whatever ails us...not just addressing the body but encompassing the soul,heart and head too.

We deserve it, it is our divine right to be whole.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Undefended and safe

We are meant to be tested. It is not our job to be protected from trials and tribulations. No, we are to be tested over and over again because it is the only way that we understand the celestial stuff we are made of, character and heart.
With this line of thinking it follows that our goal in life if we are smart and lucky enough to be taught is to be undefended, completely.

In this fluid state we are open to all that life has to offer and it has a lot to give. We are taught to be careful to be lean mean fighting machines. Yet I think as a culture we have taken this too far. We are always defending against being hurt or embarrassed yet it is in those moments that we are most alive and we don't die. Not really, I mean of course metaphorically. No one can hurt us except our thinking our idea's about someone or something. It is all in our power...only everything.

We are celestial Angels/beings made from the same stuff as the stars in the galaxies. Welcome the tough times and be sweet as you navigate them and continually ask yourself "Am I soft, am I open?" life is difficult and we may be destroyed (so our story goes) ask yourself "am I still open soft and willing in the face of deep adversity"?

You say "but people hurt others and lie and do horrendous things"...They do and still we must find a way to be fluid and like water flow and like water remain strong yet flexible.

I believe it is the fountain of youth.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Faith full

We are confident about how our lives should work because we function from a set of familiar outcomes. Once in a while a surprise pops up and throws us out of sync. We shudder and in the best of cases get up dust ourselves off and carry on our way. Worse for wear but nonetheless whole and certainly more experienced.

Still there are moments in our day to day existence that challenge us to trust to go boldly into the void of uncertainty and prosper. It makes me happy to know my entire life has been like this but at times I shudder with fear when I honestly don't know what is coming and where I will's a mystery.

Okay,I think it is my job and this is my only job;

To stay in the allowing mode or vibration. Period.

Oh that sounds so airy fairy and it is...but it is all we can do.
Especially today with everything falling apart.

Watching the news last night and seeing people who counted on the permanence of GM only to discover all of their life savings are worthless and they are not young any longer with no idea of where they will get their retirement from.

This is the challenge facing all of us. Finding ways to contribute to prosper to be productive late in life. Not easy but worth our attention and if we are clever and open it is a world of opportunity.

I have no easy answer and my intention in this piece is not to give a solution or a pat answer or some new age platitude. No it is to say I am sitting in the unknown with you. I have no idea what I am doing. NONE.

I have no idea what is next.

I am just happy to be in the present...the now.

I offer it as a very valuable place and yes creditors are calling and bills are due but here in the is rich.

It is our is all we have.

So our job is to choose carefully how we fill it. We get to pick, fill it with
with stress or trust/faith.

I choose Faith.

Not because I am religious but because I am human.

Monday, June 1, 2009

The White guy

Listening to an interview panel discuss the new nomination for the supreme court the panel of various thinkers from both sides of "The Aisle" were in agreement that her comment about being a woman who is Hispanic versus the "The white mans" perspective was not aggressive or racist.

I would agree although it occurred to me that I have some ingrained conditioning regarding authority and safety all things good, its the older white guy. I too have been raised to think only good thoughts and feel only safe and want that guy to save me...or I give him authority.

Before you lose it and get mad at me and call me a racist. Please I want to say that intellectually and emotionally I know this is not true and I do know that some of the worst criminals in history especially lately have been old white men.

That in fact our current financial meltdown and fragile national security, our overall condition in this country could be attributed directly to old(er) white men.

I hate to separate and join the race card people. Those who can't wait to point THAT finger?

I don't have the same conditioning, my father is an OLD White guy many people in my life whom I love deeply are white.

So it isn't my normal stance to separate.

BUT listening to everyone discuss this new issue as if there is a terrible crime being done to innocent people (White) well it hurts.

It hurts because for longer then a century the African American has been lied about, repressed and treated horribly. No matter how many men of color are voted into office it just isn't going to patch up the wound/s.

Listening to the radio and watching the television with every one acting mortified that a woman of color used the race card against "the white guy establishment" it makes me giggle.

I laugh because this is nothing compared to our African American history in America this is a speck, a grain of sand. Wait until they really are a minority say in 25 years? Worse if North Korea imprisons the USA or China then tell me about it.

Till then it's shameful to be so precious and insulted and sensitive.

No it's Ironic.