Friday, October 30, 2009


I remember years ago 25 in fact we were prepared for the collapse of life in civilised America. It was going to be chaos...complete. It never happened and the soothsayers who predicted it were aids infected megalomaniacs charlatans who had young greedy models/actors and the like under their spell until we were not. In fact the head of this particular cult was so racist and strange when he eventually died of aids and God knows what else it occurred to me that I had lost my mind.

I asked myself "how did I let him get so close"? Well he offered me paradise and super powers,safety. All attractive nothing he was capable of giving. So when I came to months later alone in my new house I was so grateful that what was really, truly operating was my own greed. We can recover from THAT if we are lucky.

What was key to my recovery from this particular energetic vampire was my acknowledgement of my greed. My wanting to be a fierce ruling spiritual diva without the work, the commitment the BONA-FICATION. You aren't just dubbed a goddess we have to earn it! And I promise you the path is narrow and very long.

So my ass was kicked by the Eternal values cult,I fully deserved it!


I don't believe we will be destroyed but I do think life in America will change and morph,and become very different from the way it is now.

We must transition out of a"greedy me against you"mind set and become a community

Or we will suffer.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Questing for Godliness; an inside job.

When the news broke about the spiritual retreat gone haywire where people died in a sweat lodge ceremony my heart went out to everyone who suffered and to the leaders and to the human potential movement which will suffer a huge set back with this bit of drama. People died during what has been in my life a magnificent experience, a cleansing one. Although it can be pretty hot and brutal try having fake nails on in a sweat lodge "ouch" not a good idea... We as individuals have to take responsibility for our own individual spiritual paths even if Buddha himself is your guide, we must take the bull by the horns of our own journey and decide what is best for us. This is my problem with guru's of any stripe. They leave us powerless. No matter how much you want to give credit to something outside of it Jesus or what have you it takes away a vital force. YOUR personal force or responsibility and power. I say be cautious in who you give your power to. Most people are not deserving. The kernel under all this giving up of common sense is desire for that magical thing called enlightenment. That desire to be "pure" what ever that means...the desire to rid one of either uncleanliness or guilt or wealth and good fortune. There are people who are guilty and feel undeserving of their wealth or trust funds and therefore are spending their lives trying to rid themselves of it. There are plenty of carpet bagging phonies who will gladly step in as GURU and take your money or what is your best, self empowerment. It's true "water seeks it's own level". We attract the quality of what is active inside ourselves. So if you are surrounded by charlatans somewhere inside you is the same vibration, Charlatan.

So as sad as I am for the deceased and the horrible state of things that night, I think these people gave this guy way too much power.

There isn't a human being on planet Earth that can bestow consciousness, enlightenment on us...It's an inside job.

Kill the Buddha it just might save your life!

Monday, October 26, 2009


lately I have been working out a couple of times a day. I train people and I walk my dogs for miles and play tennis on two teams. My body appreciates the exercise and seems to absorb it without too much fuss. I think we adapt quite quickly to what seems at first like a lot of stress but surprisingly soon becomes easier. I think it is the same in life in general we are calibrated to adapt and so must continue to find new ways of stressing our entire system. It's easy to forget when we are slammed with fatigue after a trying day full of stressful (mentally) things...but our bodies love the exercise, crave the movement and funnily enough does better at the end of a hard day with a little more blood flow to our muscles. All of it counter intuitive but true. I speak the truth. I come from a family where my father is obsessed with being skinny, not just healthy and fit but social X-ray slim. I have been that slim myself it was my age (young) and my constant movement. I do not remember sleeping or eating in my teens and twenties. No lie, I was always on the go! Now as we age life gets cosier and we have more appetite and way less movement. I know I have had a decade of sleeping in and moving, not so much. Today as an older sports enthusiast who is burning a lot of calories all day I can't imagine being still and lazy. If I have been good all week (clean eating) I can have a day of eating whatever I like. I LOVE to eat. I probably could be more successful as an actor if I would re-adopt the skinny aesthetic. I think it matters in television especially. I am not sure I want too. I like being strong and if it just happens naturally that I become slimmer because I am on the go? Then cool. Otherwise I am happy right here and now. I am fit and very robust maybe fat (in comparison to most stars television)crazy. 21% body fat still is fat in Hollywood. In my day to day life, I can go ,go, go...and never fatigue. I can press major weights and I am flexible and quick. So much so that playing a few hours of tennis I find is just an appetizer to a real workout. More mileage and more kettle swings? Bring it ON!

I was driving home from a session this morning and I was thinking about a discovery I had recently. I allowed myself to go/be hungry. I let my painful bubbly tummy sit with the discomfort. I noticed that my stomach shrank so that the next meal was smaller naturally. I come from so much pain as a child, lots of un-met needs that translated into eating so that when I let myself feel hunger I kind of panic.
I noticed when I panicked about being hungry and I sat with it with out judgement my body adapted. It became smaller naturally. Then I thought about super fit thin skinny people and I realized they have mastered the hunger. They have conquered that urge. They like it. There is positive pleasure of letting the body complain and controlling the eating urge.

I am getting it...that powerful self control.

Ahhhhh it's almost sexual, it's almost creative.

That is why so many super skinny people seem so smug. They have conquered the frightened child within who feels she will never get another meal and she will die.

Okay, I added this last part. But I think there is value in not acquiescing to hunger immediately and believe you me I am a complete beginner with this but I like that I found it.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Embassy's in Pakistan

Mr. President ...

Do not build a monstrosity like the horror embassy we had built in Iraq in Pakistan.

Please for the sake of sanity and our future.

Do not approve something so wrong and so obnoxious and decadent and unaffordable.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Compassionate style

My son used to drive around his city in a very flashy car. I would be nervous about it since he lives in a city known for car jacking and with these economic times being what they are. I think it matters how flashy we are and what we present to the public. If we are lucky enough to have "bling" and we flaunt it personally I think we are asking for it. On the other hand, it is sad we don't get to flaunt our hard work or good fortune with cars and gems and sparkly things. These are very challenging times and it is irresponsible to be unaware and to show off our personal wealth. Compassion is over looked as a virtue, and it is a virture. I find it very attractive. I feel for all of us who are struggling in every way, deeply. Again wear the bling and drive the bling in private or in a gated community. The kind where you can drive from the mansion to the golf course in seconds (better yet ride a bike) expensive of course. That way it limits the exposure. Italy was a hot bed of kidnapping in the 70's everyone who remotely smelled of money was being held for ransom. Oh sure they were usually not harmed. Scared but not harmed. Of course, if the money was delivered. I remember as a kid being told never to wear jewels or flashy watches in Europe. It just wasn't done. The same in Rio in Brazil. I like the idea of being discreet. I come from the other side of that new money unbridled unmet needs etc...of course the real old money people in America don't reek of cash or anything new. They come from the school of trust funds and fiscal discretion in fact some of the shabbiest (worn out furniture) homes were on large acreage of the fantastically wealthy people. Go figure. I remember when I realized that to have real fortune one didn't have to show it. In fact the Nouveau riche were the tackiest with the latest and greatest most expensive stuff. Even today kids who come from abroad tend to down play their money, it's chic to pretend to be poor.


Some of us are forced to down size and scrimp and it isn't such a bad trait to learn this scrimping. My friend Micheal saved his show by being a scrimper.

I am jealous of that gift. I still feel slighted if I don't get exactly what I want when I want it...old wounds you know.

Although lately I have had to wait till it goes on sale.

Character building a sense of satisfaction, the waiting in and of itself. By the time I can afford to purchase the "item/s" I really know whether or not I want it or if it is just an emotional "need" and I lose interest.

Recessions are not all awakens us to SIMPLICITY.

Gorgeous simplicity.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


40 years is a long time to have a dictator. Listening to the experts as they discussed Franco and his hold on Spain impressed me. It helped me to understand the Spanish mind set better, they are proud and hard working people, very deep, rightfully so for having survived that horrible time. They have discovered the Poet Lorca's grave or so they think. Imagine being shot and killed for being an artist, a poet? It boggles my mind but then again anything is possible. We are in the midst of a correction of awareness in America. Where the unthinkable is thinkable. I am pleased that Rush was cock blocked when he tried to own a professional sports team although it would have been humorous to see him try and field the team with everyone but African Americans. I am certain it is a blessed period as well in spite of the hardships we are in/facing. This economy is forcing new modalities of living, the global climate crisis and energy reset. All of it is coming at us fast from all sides. Call it CHANGE.
Are we frightened yet, or excited? When I think about the micro needs of my life I notice my values have shifted. I think about how my wants or needs will impact my environment, not just my immediate family but my friends, and my community at home and globally. I am prepared to be responsible for all of my trash for instance. I want "in home" recycling done. If you buy it, you are responsible for it till you die. Boy would that change how we shop. I am for the greater good. Socratic thinking aside, I am for the larger picture since we are interconnected, everything. When I was working near the Amazon we had with us a naturalist, a botanist from Finland who informed me that in the jungle there is a cure for everything. That when nature is in balance she doesn't have a "problem" with mosquito's or pests. Because everything has something that keeps it's population in balance.

We have something or things that will and are keeping us in balance and this is good.

Call it disease or natural disasters or self inflicted wounds...something will create a correction.

So to really enjoy life we need to live in the moment/s.

It's time to include think about each other too.

Here, and NOW.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Oh yes we can be better in every way. I guess in some ways being a loud squeaky wheel has it's moments but then immediately I thought of Byron Katie and she would say so much and yet so little. Mainly she would be pleased to being spared. NOt getting a show a part a lover a gig a job. We have been spared opened up allowed to do something else. My not working or getting "a Show" allows me to expand into this the viral world or better to grow intellectually and emotionally as an individual. Years ago at a Hollywood party a famous writer said I should write. It was a warning...I have never been one to listen to those people who tell me "it can't be done" but I do appreciate the realities of "what is reality" We are here and this is it...and it too will change, morph and relax and sparkle and just sharpen up and get better and better at what I love to do.

I love YOU, it keeps me alive and growing and going...just this.

In relationship; in community always.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Where are we?

Standing in front of the magazine section at my local market which I think has an impressive selection in terms of volume. Looking at it I would say there was maybe 150 titles. On two magazine covers there was a Latina (Vanity Fair with Penelope Cruz) and another magazine. There were three with African Americans on their covers. Distressingly one woman on (Oxygen) had blue contacts or very Anglo looking features so it was not really representing. She may naturally have that weird color blue as an eye shade but I think not. Also her other features didn't support the mutation. It is a mutation or genetic anomaly to have that color with that skin tone and that hair. A teen magazine had a child a young girl who was African American and then Oprah's mag. The rest were the same movie television people we have been seeing for the last five years and the rest...pretty bad representation. I didn't factor in the African American publications,in my area which is predominantly white New Hampshire,they don't order what probably would not sell. Why is everything separate? It doesn't challenge identity if one has a story about a person who happens to be Asian or Latino or African American in say Vanity Fair? Why Graydon Carter don't you feature more diverse stars on your covers?

Oh wait,there are not that many ethinic stars to grace your covers.


Why can't media be diverse?

I just auditioned for a small role in a small series for Canadian television and did not get the role.I was thrilled to audition. Whoo hoo... There were many factors as to why I didn't book the job, money (none) age (not old looking enough too glam) but what got me, what really bugged me, is why can't I have a show of my own? Here was an unknown woman with mediocre looks starring in a series about a spy. Nothing new and nothing spectacular but a network was giving her a shot? I am known and have chops and can carry my own against the best of them...Why am auditioning for 3rd lead role? I don't get it? The roles I have seen lately for my "Age" it's the typical BBW who is "The boss". I never get those parts. Honestly that's what is out there and it's so sad. Where are the series about being a congress woman , professors, senators, corporate owners and CEO's just to name a few roles that we woman of color and age do? Where are those stories? Hot sisters who are over forty who are so beautiful interesting and not in a rush to settle down? Where are those stories? The homemaker who is dealing with trying to further herself while juggling her family and it's pressures who is African American? Where is her story?
Personally I have two really good idea's for series, both are excellent. They are not too wild ,not too far fetched. Why aren't they being considered? I have had two series which did good numbers. I am famous. I look good for almost 50! So where is my pilot? It was a simple role the "administrator" what kills me after years of being in this business is that the face of smart strong and intelligent woman of color in lead roles is pretty much non existent. We take the lack of presence as normal because after 1995 it is. So for the last 12 years we have been systematically pushed back in terms of racial diversity in media to pre-1960's if not 1950's. No one is there fighting the good fight. These paid groups that are supposed to represent us and the issues are just that paid to keep quiet they are flaccid. I am on the front lines of this issue and it is a stinging almost soul killing battle or so it seems. I have met (Nina Tassler for one) smart intelligent and maybe socially segregated people meaning they don't know "us" in a relaxed or intimate way "Us" being African Americans who are educated and normal. These heads of networks refuse to budge and they warn producers off. Instead retreading the same 5 faces or their clones and the same retread stories. More Cop shows starring a lawyer who will moonlight as a nurse as she does double time as a CSI,or similar
shows and their clones. This is television today and the movies are no better. I have written about this ad nausea and I am sick of it. I am sad that I get excited at nearly fifty when a role that has some potential goes my way. I get sad when I realize that it wasn't always like this and there were more opportunities for woman of substance. I don't know about you but I like seeing woman of a certain vintage do stuff on screen I feel comfort and safety and I dig into my chair knowing that I am going to experience something interesting not some vacuous face that has no life in it where all I can think of is how pretty she is and how too old he is to be her love interest. It's gutting to think that only non ethnic people are interesting in media. I watched the Emmies this year and if you looked at the audience it was the opposite of diversity,it was a sea of white faces. Is this South Africa during Apartheid? It sure looks like it. I am sad about this, it isn't financial,it is a culture white wash and it is an ageist wash as well. We who don't have those hangups deserve better representation in all media and I for one think we need to be better organized as a group not just racially but age wise, we are boomers. We need to call for a ban on all media until the pre 1995 diversity laws are reinstated.
That is a start. Rupert Murdock be damned. It is time to force media to grow up and get smarter. They deserve the giant exodus main stream is doing as far as television goes...the paradigm has shifted and I for one want better programming that is reflective of life now in America. I know Madmen is a popular show but that was a dark period in an African Americans life and I for one am sad that it is on the air and although it is fair to have programming for the majority. I being the minority want equal time too. Especially as a performer. It isn't for lack of good or great
material its there. There are lots of well written stories out there dying to be bought and produced. No,this is pure segregation, racism and ageism. It is LACK of consciousness. Hollywood like the USDA with the entrenched buddy system is
shutting out people who are a success and smart and ethnic, performers like me.
I am not alone...there are a lot of us out there. Dying to play and share and communicate.
Instead if you are slightly inarticulate and crazy or wildly inappropriate or down right embarrassing and ethnic you can get a show...Wendy Williams, I love NY or even the housewives of Atlanta and Tyler Perry. Realistically they do not represent the entire spectrum of African American life!In fact it's a narrow spectrum almost singular. There is so much more to us as group. Imagine if rednecks where the only type being represented in media. Please!

I need support and solidarity here. Yes,it's time we do something that works and has effect. In the age of enlightenment which this time could be called if we work hard enough.
We need to crack open and demand a share of the opportunity for those of us of ethnicity and age in starring and substantive material. Why not?

It heals the world.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The trouble with faith

It is essential to have solace and find comfort and security in our personal beliefs. I just wish when we did find "truths" that made us comfortable and allowed a sense of balance that we didn't feel the need to spread the good word indiscriminately or maybe what I mean is, I wish we could be MORE discriminating when it came to believing what "others" say. I know when the money is short and the news is bad and our jobs are lost and health issues are up, we get frightened in that trapped animal way, this can be difficult. Almost impossible to disengage from as we assess what is a most beneficial way to move forward. It is difficult and scary, yet in our most fragile scared and desperate place we must maintain a vigilance and be very careful who we throw our lot in, with. Who we believe, what we are believing, and why. Be careful of what you sign up for. There are many(enough) wealthy men in America who have a very thinly veiled (Christian) ministry which is financed and promoted under "Family Christian values" and yet they are as bigoted and maniacal, as sinister as say "Stalin or Hitler". Blackwater and it's founders run several Christian organizations where many thousands of so called evangelicals take refuge and under all of the goodness is a scary sinister and I feel extreme racist agenda. The idea of America becoming a Blackwater run police state isn't as science fiction crazy as I once thought it. I was listening to NPR and an author by the name of Max Blumenthal has written a book about the Evangelical millionaire who runs a Christian family values ministry who bullies Washington politicians into his agenda whose Son owns and operates Blackwater. If this partnership isn't a scary red flag I don't know what is? Imagine it's racial or religious opposite? They would all be hauled off to Guantanamo as terrorists. But because they are not ethnic but white millionaires no one is really paying much attention certainly not the press, or not enough! I think the weakness of the intelligentsia is hubris and smugness and confidence. It is in not seeing the impossible as possible. There is a movement happening here in this country and it is domestic and it is as dangerous to our civil liberties as anything any red based political agenda ever was and that is unbridled Evangelical religious zealotry. We are under attack here at home and we need to be diligent when we choose a pastor or belief system to do our homework and really investigate what our place of worship is really about. Most people are good and honest and scared and simple. So easy targets. Nothing is more attractive then power and money coated with a serving of Jesus. The truth is...most of these men did not make their money from religion. They either inherited it or where successful men who converted after the fact. So the lie that finding religion will make you rich is just that a lie. Have faith for sure...take solace in what ever gives you the ability to sleep but know that there is a huge movement in this country that wants to take over our day to day living and demand that we follow their personal beliefs. I know that Homosexuality and the creation theory and abortion are hot button subjects but unless you understand and have experienced these things who are we to judge? Who are they to tell us it is wrong because they have interpreted some doctrine that was piece mealed assembled over 2000's plain stupid.

Be wary of these so called harmless groups. From this angle there is nothing harmless about America becoming an evangelical based country.

Hell on earth with a bunch of bad picnic food!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Decider

Listening to the round table this weekend on George Stephanopoulis I was heartened. It seems that no matter what, our president would be criticized because the job of governance is enormous, nearly impossible to imagine doing. Yet say John McCain Sarah Palin had won and were the "Deciders" we would be in a much more tenuous place since it is a task much bigger then say ONE man or woman to do.I shudder to think would Sarah quit when the going got tough? Would John hide or ditch out of Air force one when the going got scary? Our president has it rough and yes it was good he won an award and a none too shabby one at that.There has to be some perks to doing this huge task. I think there is very little good going on in the White house. It seems that the decisions he has to make are beyond difficult with no clear way to go. If the decisions around Health care, (really single pay is not going to happen ) or the two wars (we can't pull out of both Afghanistan and Iraq) were all he had to think about I would be impressed but they are just two in a long list of issues. We have not had proper government for over 8 years. There are laws that were adjusted or changed that need to be reestablished not to mention the much needed over haul of campaign financing, such importance. I am keen to see how he handles everything and excited about it. Go ahead put him down, criticize the man and his administration but personally I thank the goddess for it being these folks in charge. Our president is an intelligent man who is famous for being a good listener. God forbid it could have been a man who ditched out of 5 fighter jets and was taken hostage and an ex-governor who charged rape victims for their rape kits, then quit mide term because she was tired. Not a good sign. There is no comparison between them and President Obama. We are a lucky country and shall remain so. Now if we can only discover why the banks got bailed out and yet continue to abuse us the customer.

What the hell?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Our Nobel prize winner

Leave it to our fair brethren in the far north of Europe (Sweden) to award this most coveted prize to our beloved and yes flawed but still stellar President, Obama. It is an honor that can't be put into words without tears welling up. I am so pleased at this acknowledgement as the scary rumblings of his demise are spoken of in various places country wide. This is a tenuous time in the world and we are so fortunate to have a good listener and an intelligent soul struggling with our problems. For every criticism there is love and glowing approval and today this prize says everything....Congratulations Mr. President you deserve this and more.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

High holidays

Nothing is more exciting to me then fall. I live in an area where the color changes in the foliage make me feel as if I live in an impressionist painting. We can drive along rural roads and be blasted by colors and the shifting light as fall gives way to winter. Winter is my most favorite season for many reason (no bugs) this season allows for inner work because it is so cold and shut down so to speak. Plus the lack of sound. It's my favorite stillness just after a rocking huge snow storm. Last year when we were encased by massive ice storms the inconveniences were out weighed by the gorgeous almost sugar like coatings. Sure many beautiful trees died but in that there is renewal. Oh I wax poetic about the season and I do...It is awesome to have mother nature usher in our mood/s. This is when we celebrate each other and give thanksgiving. When we get to wear loads of makeup and outrageous costumes and for a night howl legally at the moon. It is the time of year where I like to clean house both outer and inner. Audit myself, start new programs , shake off the malaise of hot weather. This wasn't the summer we expected a bit wet and cold and buggy. Still it beats forest fires in smoggy and now extra smoky L.A. with her triple digit unmerciful heat. We in New England are blessed with an abundance atmospherically. I am certain some who are native can't appreciate it. Take it from a transplant we live in Paradise and there isn't a palm tree in sight!

Monday, October 5, 2009


Driving home from a family dinner exhausted (we had been up all night the night before) we had to attend a family dinner that day. We were desperately sleep deprived and cranky. My then Husband C-Thomas and I were arguing, I mean viciously. We were never meant to be a couple but we didn't have the smarts to know as much yet. It was after dinner around 8:00 as we were driving one of the smaller back of the Valley hwys coming into Santa Clarita. I could see Magic Mtn amusement park. To escape from whatever we were fighting about I was staring out the car window out toward the park and noticed a set of lights bobbing in the sky just over the big roller coaster. Now I am exhausted and more so because of the bickering but I swear I heard a voice or I sensed something say to me to keep looking at the lights. It almost said this but didn't quite say it, but I knew to "look left". At one point I said to Tommy did you hear that? He didn't hear anything. The lights were bobbing over the park and it seemed as if they wanted my attention. I had to keep watching them. It looked as if they were helicopters. Which struck me as odd since why were there two and what were they doing hovering over the park? We kept at each other as we got closer to our turn off which was a canyon rd. As we turned onto the now pitch dark road the moon wasn't visible, I heard that voice say to me "we are here". I said to Tommy again "did you hear THAT". He was getting annoyed and he said "What?".
I said "pull over, stop the truck and look over there" he did what I said. We pulled over and we both stared at nothing until two crafts slowly hovered over the small rise or mound of hill then floated or flew over the truck and stopped immediately above us, soundlessly. It was humming deep and sonorous but barely audible more vibrating. We were both shocked and scared and freaked out and wondering if this was a hallucination. Exactly like the movie "close encounters" except they didn't stay and they didn't make the truck do weird stuff and it was quiet except for light we could see a glow. Tommy opened his door and the lights came on inside the truck, which almost seemed like it made the two crafts shoot up into the sky.
Instantly they were gone. It was awesome. Earlier that week someone we knew saw weird lights in the Santa Monica bay and we were all very UFO centric thinking about them and wanting to see them and here they were so close. So we drove home and as we reached our street I could see further down the canyon other cars had stopped they had seen what we saw. I jumped out of the truck and looked at the sky...I felt like this was only the beginning. I even called my sister in Hollywood and told her to get her ass out here. That there were UFOs. Tommy parked our truck on a rise in front of our ranch and he started to flick the lights. I asked him what he was doing . He said he wanted to go with them. I didn't, I had a five year old and he was at a friends house and I couldn't leave him. I didn't have a problem with C. T. going, have at it I told him, not me. I went into the house and told our family Tommy's Mom and Dad who were reluctant to come out side, I begged them to watch the skies with us. Just as I was about to give up...they arrived. There were loads of them. You could look at the dark sky and then suddenly a strip of lights went on and then the craft would swoosh soundlessly over our heads. At one point we were all huddled in the drive way when one of the smalled crafts released two orbs. They sort of fell a bit which made us scatter then they hovered in position. Markers, as if they were traffic markers. Then from that point forward all sorts of craft would fly in formation using the two markers. At one point a big cigar shaped vessel stopped over our neighbors house, hovered you could see shapes in the port hole shaped windows. It was surreal it didn't move while craft were flying through the markers over out ranch. We had to get warmer clothing on it was December we had been watching this for a couple of hours and at one point we even took a shower because it was a long show and we were filthy. As we were showering we felt vibrations that shook the whole house. We missed the MOTHERSHIP. Meanwhile his mom and Dad gave up bored they said the wanted to go back inside to watch the Jeffersons. His dad Chris says that whatever this was wasn't our business and it was probably air force maneuvers. Yeah, right! My sister and her then Bf made it out and watched with us. It was amazing we were in down parka's with lawn chairs watching till the wee hours of the night. Then we got tired and the flight show dwindled down. My sister said they were followed home by a small ship that disappeared around Busch Gardens only it went down not the sky. The next day we called newspapers, the Military, everywhere. No one reported anything and the Air force said nothing. There was no way they didn't have huge activity on Radar that night. We couldn't stop staring at the sky for years after that. I haven't seen anything like that since. I must say it was so amazing and clear and impressive and happened and it lasted all night long. One thing I felt which may or may not be true. The craft seemed busy like they were doing some sort of research and it didn't have anything to do with us personally. We just happened to have property where they set up their markers or flight path. It would be extra special to say they were on to us.It wasn't like that. Oh and the voices or the sensing I "heard" it wasn't personal either. I felt like the voice or the warning was general. In fact I was a bit sad that we were not singled out, then again I wouldn't have gone had I had a choice. I don't like going places I can't find my way back home from. Call me Mongolian but Like Genghis Khan I can't travel unless I know I can hump back home safely.

That was my UFO story...I dedicate this to James Fox and his quest to get the US military to release any and all data concerning UFOs.

It is time.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


It seems that there is a slight disconnect when it comes to what is acceptable behavior. I am not just talking about the crazy anti Obama people who are spreading horrible lies about our beloved President. Lies which could get him hurt by some loony. I am talking about celebrity amnesia. I watched Mackenzie Phillips joking with Larry King yesterday which gave me the willies. I am not sure if she is telling the truth. I did personally watch her father steal money from her purse when he came into our room as we were sleeping.By the way we had seperate beds. I woke up and watched him take the cash. He was no doubt majorly creepy. I just don't know if she is telling the truth, there is a patina of creepiness in her behavior. I also witnessed first hand the loosey goosey sexuality of the seventies and can see why with the lack of morals of that time, people are not so upset about sodomizing a child. I do not agree with it and it pains me that no one has mentioned the child's mother in this. I mean parents pimp their babies out to Hollywood heavies everyday to get their children a career break. It's sad and sick! I don't think many in Hollywood agree with Polanski or his actions but there are details about his trial that are also a mess and complex. Still rape is rape, no matter how much time may give the impression of diluting it's seriousness. It's as heinous as murder. This playing the incest for book profit card, all of it creepy. The lies to incite racial violence. Violence against children, each other...what is going on?

I listened as someone asked a good question "why can't Iran have nukes"? In other words a lot of countries do. Isn't that racist or are some countries allowed because they agree with the west while others are not because they don't?

Isn't that underneath some of the hatred against America? Our self elected World policing policy?

There is a lack of self awareness here and it's frightening. You can't joke with Larry King as you are telling the World you had consensual sex with your Father.

You can't diminish sex with children because it happened thirty years ago.

You can't incite violence because you are afraid of Black people.

It's all indecent.

Saturday, October 3, 2009


Yesterday I set out to write something about the wonderousness of magic or kismet or flow of being in the zone. I got busy and couldn't it wasn't time. Not that I am there exactly. I am in and out although I prefer to be in the zone. If we allow (there's that word again) ourselves to be carried decisions are made for us. Byron Katie constantly reminds her followers that this is so for her. I have heard her say "Decisions are made for me". She often asks us "who is breathing you?" or "Who is allowing the sun to rise." These are excellent questions which should be gently raised every now and again . I know a scientific reason could be stated for all of the above but there isn't deep satisfaction in the scientific answers not emotionally for me regarding these occurrences. The point of asking these existential questions is to acknowledge the "unknown forces" that take "care" of us (without getting religious) that if we can trust that what we need to get done, will be done, what we need to do, will be accomplished. Everything we are involved in will happen beautifully without our will. This is almost impossible to teach and most think it's mad and everyone normally thinks they have 'something' to do with their day to day life going swimmingly well.Ha, I challenge you to step back just a bit and see if in fact this is true. Okay, not to veer of course. Recently something happened where a friend was forced to face the inevitable move . He has to move, and instead of saying to him "you poor soul what a drag" I care about him (although I am not a fan of the actual moving myself)instead of sad or upset, I feel thrilled for him at the coming adventures, the newness of a new home base. Imagine all of that freshness of community and environment. The Universe is saying GO, probably left up to him he would have procrastinated longer until, what?
He is being pushed by life to get a groove on! Lucky him! So the idea that YOU are driving, as in steering your life, that it is all on your shoulders to get stuff done, is a LIE.

I challenge you to stop thinking THAT and try to softly listen and allow. I don't mean willfully becoming a slug because believe or not that is still "doing" something. I mean listen to the signals and move accordingly. Maintaining an open inner stance.

It is a fun, joyous exercise that makes you more agreeable to live with.

Most of us, feel or fancy we are the sole support of our lives running smoothly. Making us obnoxious (when we think that) and probably someone close to you wishes you would lighten up and stop that.

It's not sexy to be bossy, trust me ...

Thursday, October 1, 2009


My boyfriend teases me he says I am obsessed with death. It maybe true. I am fascinated by the process I find it very important and something to plan and arrange and cherish if possible. I have had the privilege of witnessing some fine people do it, die. Luckily for me the transitions that I have witnessed were healing, not so sad. Oh sure it's sad because we will not see those souls in this life again, that is sad, and I loved them all deeply. Still the process of dying is interesting to me. I get cranky thinking about how in our culture, we don't have an easier more embracing attitude about this our last dance or rite of passage. I think it's thrilling in the most special way to be going away to the "mystery" to the great unknown. What a gift for us who get to hold and be with the people leaving. It is a gift one we need to respect and if possible enjoy. I know with the very young that is a tall order and I am not making light of grief here...that is not my intention. What a change though if culturally we embraced the event and made it less horrible and sad and more natural and normal and respected the timing as perfect and not say "too soon" instead held the moment as sacred and maybe allow magic in the room. I notice with less resistance magic occurs. Well maybe it's me projecting my hope on the event.

Everyday we transition every second of the day someone somewhere goes. I know when it's my turn if possible I want to be sweet and soft and joyous. There has been so much good in my life and even today as I write this I get lifted up and my heart opens.

The last breath isn' almost feels like a door opening that whoosh as the air changes.