Monday, December 27, 2010


Everything…has come true and arrived on time. This Christmas I asked and I received everything I wanted. I tell you it was hairy at times there were moments when I almost thrust my very tranquil existence out the window because I was foolish and not thinking clearly. Thankfully I was in constant prayer (am always) in constant prayer with the higher self, God whatever we called THAT thing that governs us. So this was a groovy holiday thus far I am still in it. I have done a few things for the first time and it is a welcome experience “the new”. I also got to bond with friends and un-bond with a friend. This is going to be a good year 2011. I suppose I have to say that because we are about to be in it (2011) and have no choice. Every year is good even with cataclysmic occurrence which is the law of life; Shit happens. So it is with the New Year we are in it and let’s make the most of it. I for one would like to be wiser, kinder and clear. I ask for continuing clarity so that I can serve my family and life better. I pray to be whole and not split in my affections and focus. I pray to be solid in love and in work mode. I also hope and pray for you to have your wishes come true. World peace sounds goofy because often we need disruptions to wake us up to what is real and important. I know my ass needs a good kicking occasionally to wake up and smell the coffee which is brewing in my almost perfect life. Perfect for me which is all I can ask for? I think this is so…we need gratitude, I do. I have so much to be grateful for…thank you and Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Mayor Cory Booker

This is a love letter, a note of admiration. I think Mayor Cory Booker is a God. I am watching him on “Meet the Press” this morning and have decided to go public with my deep appreciation for this man. I pray he is kept safe and will continue his stellar climb up the political ladder. I get that his commitment to public service to community is genuine and that he is motivated by the idea that if you are doing well we all do well. I have watched or listened to him for a while, years in fact and I can’t help but feel uplifted and confident that New Jersey is in great hands. I also love that he cares about a wide range of issues from civic issues that encompass prison inmate issues and our moral obligation to helping the inmate population reintegrate into our communities. I don’t know anything about his personal life and I have some inkling that it is complex no doubt unlike say Jesse Jackson whom I have never trusted and have always felt his own personal agenda was front and center of his community work which instantly taints anything he accomplishes for the community. No, Mayor Booker is the new deal and I welcome his kind to the process. We need men and women who are devoted the bigger picture to the community and who are willing to walk the walk and do the work of uplifting our communities across this magnificent country. We are lucky to see this new awareness manifest in Cory Booker, thank you Mayor Booker for being a fine example for us.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

600 acres...

Sanctions don’t work and again if you think withholding anything works you are stupid, full of hubris and looking for trouble. North Korea has the bomb we knew this and now everyone else in America does as of this morning it is everywhere in the news. The death of Richard Holbrooke should open up the discussion of closing our long tour in Afghanistan and redirecting our presence in Pakistan or greatly reducing our presence in Afghanistan and getting our so called allies more involved. Oh it won’t happen we would be seen as being losers although that is what we are we are losers fighting an invisible enemy that is smart and well financed which is never going to end simply because we are at war with dogma. Dogma wars are unwinnable. I also think Wiki-leaks (is) something our Department of defense conjured up because of its arrogance of course, I think we would be cyber attacked by young cyber adepts because we again are the big hallway bullies of the world. It doesn’t surprise me that artists and social butterflies are bankrolling his release into luxury. I don’t stand against him because I don’t know all of the details. I do admire the chaos the organization has created and I like that he and his posse has made the world take note and that governments are also on notice because they do bad things to each other in secret. Still I am not sure if he is doing more good. It seems he just maybe doing some good. I need help though in understanding it/him. Finally it has been a very busy time for me filming in lovely, cold wet and windy Portland. I am enjoying the experience. It is like fairy dust has descended on my head reigniting my love of acting. I hadn’t realized I missed it and now doing it, I love it. I kind of dismissed it simply because I am older and not the ideal weight for perfection on screen. Oh I am still too fat for film but I am working on it although I will never be the stick pole I once was. It’s too harsh and I am just too happy being me.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Happy holidays to US...

I love this country America and I don’t want us to be harmed and yet something about the wiki leaks case is intriguing me to be slow in taking sides against Wiki. I am loathe to support espionage and yet knowing we have done horrible things for decades to so many people and countries (Iraq invasion) bothers me and I wonder is this our collective bad Karma? I am not one to blame or at least I try not to and I don’t know enough about the case to comment further. It is worth catching up to though and I am going to keep an eye on it. I think it is fascinating and maybe brilliant and brave or incredibly evil. There is an article which I will post that I got off the daily beast; warning it is a wee bit dooms day. Something is in the air though can’t you feel it?

Here is the article from DB:

"The stars are aligning to ruin Christmas. Astrologers say that for the first time in years, the tumultuous astrological cycle known as Mercury Retrograde falls during the holidays, causing "tears," "confusion," and "throw downs" during the busy shopping and travel season.
The holidays are always rife with gift-giving melodramas, travel snafus and family flare-ups. But this year, astrologers warn, there will be more mammoth aggravation and tumult than we’ve seen in almost a decade.
It starts with Black Friday and Saturday, which they say will be doomed by bad deals and under-stocked merchandise. And shoppers who wait until after December 9 will get stuck with faulty products or presents that no one wanted in the first place. By mid-December, holiday travelers will be hit with bad weather, mechanical errors and possibly, terrorist threats. Wars may break out, marriages will dissolve, people will lose their jobs and, as astrologer Gahl Sasson put it, “the whole planet is going to have Tourette’s syndrome.” But that’s not even the worst of it. The darkest day comes on the Winter Solstice (December 21), when a full moon eclipse will wreak its own special havoc.
AP Photo; Getty Images
“It’s a nightmare,” says New York astrologer Susan Miller. “People will be in tears.”
Some of this drama is rooted in the infamous astrological aspect known as “Mercury Retrograde” that lasts for three weeks, three times each year. It is the period when the planet, as viewed from Earth, appears to be moving backward in the sky. Astrology buffs mark their calendars in advance of this phenomenon and brace themselves for computer crashes, accidents of all kinds, lost car keys, misplaced packages, misunderstandings and other everyday chaos.
Miller. Buy gift certificates, practical gifts and steer clear of electronics and big-ticket items. Don’t
“When Mercury retrogrades, it scrambles all kinds of information causing confusion almost like static,” says Sasson, who is based in Los Angeles.
This year, Mercury retrogrades from December 10-30, the first time since 2003 that this aspect has fallen at Christmas. And though most astrologers blame Mercury retrograde for minor mistakes, it is also credited with some of history’s most newsworthy debacles as well.
This is the same astrological weather in effect during the January earthquake in Haiti, the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in April, the “flash crash” on Wall Street in May, President Obama’s fumble during his January 2009 inaugural oath, the Bush-Gore election nightmare in November 2000, the Wall Street crashes of 2008 and 1987 and yes, the sinking of the Titanic in 1912.
December’s Mercury retrograde takes place first in the sign of Capricorn (from December 10-20) and then in Sagittarius (from December 20-30), promising to stir tensions inside families and between governments. “People are probably going to be forceful about their agendas,” says astrologer Ophira Edut, who with her identical twin sister, Tali make up Elle magazine’s AstroTwins. “There could definitely be some holiday throw-downs and international tensions rising up between the 20th and 30th.”
“The last thing we need is another layer,” says astrologer Miller. “And here it is. It’s coming.”
But complicating things, astrologers say, are a series of other challenging planetary shifts. As Sasson describes it, on December 13, Pluto, “the planet of death,” Mars, “the planet of war,” and Mercury, “the planet of communications,” will be so aligned as to inspire people to be more manipulative and say things they don’t mean.
The position of Uranus, meanwhile, is making “people ... feel their lives are falling apart,” says astrologer Michael Lutin.
“There’s a tremendous, more than ever, level of uncertainty,” says Lutin. “It’s washing like a tsunami over the entire earth.”
Then on December 21, there’s the total eclipse of the Moon in Gemini (which rules aviation), which is square Uranus (which rules the unexpected) that falls during the winter solstice. This, says Miller, is a recipe for disaster.
“We’re all a little over-the-top on everything,” says Miller of this season. “We’re spending money. We’re spending energy. We’re spending emotion. We’re very busy at that time. And the last thing we need is another layer. And here it is. It’s coming.”
Not all astrologers see this season in such dire terms. “I don’t think it’s going to be a nightmare,” says Edut. “There may be more to navigate. A lot of family dynamics. Travel dynamics. The eclipse will bring some drama for some people. Some people might be getting that little pink slip in their in box. Other people might be getting a surprise holiday bonus. It really depends.”
Astrologers do have tips on coping with all this astrological drama. Finish shopping by December 5, offers overbook yourself during the holidays. Buy refundable plane tickets. “Try to be elastic enough so you can help the people around you who are in crisis,” Miller says.
“The good news is [Mercury retrograde] can reveal hidden things,” says Gahl. “Let’s say you lost something before Mercury retrogrades, you might actually find it. It’s a great time to go on Facebook and look for old friends. Clean files. Deal with unfinished projects. Edit. Review. Reevaulate. Reassess.”
Troubled relationships can actually be mended during this time. Diplomacy has a good chance.
“Just give in,” says Miller. “Roll with it.”

Gina Piccalo spent a decade at the Los Angeles Times covering Hollywood. She's now a contributing writer for Los Angeles Magazine and her work has appeared in Elle, More and Emmy. She can be found at
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More from RDC;
I think it is important to understand what could be a feeling of resistance…still try to enjoy the holidays.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Recently someone suggested I write or comment on big business influencing policy. It is a sad fact one that Joe Pulitzer railed against over 100 years ago. He warned us to beware when corporation dictate policy. He said and it has played out that it will be the beginning of the end of that society. When you measure the response of our so called allies regarding our position in the global picture in both commerce and regarding national security, I am still waiting for someone to explain to me why we are the self elected world police. I think if everyone of our allies is cool with it than I think we here in America should charge for the service otherwise I for one want out of the war business. So it seems we are stuck in the middle holding the proverbial can which all of our allies are side stepping instead of donating and helping cover the costs as we bolster internally our own importance in the so called global war on terror. This is an expensive proposition. It is like Oprah the so called false conflict resolution we witnessed the other day. Where was the reveal where was the honesty? Nowhere because not one of those woman wanted to express what was going on. Why they didn’t connect because we or they didn’t want to be the first to cop to the ill will. When Whoopie asked Oprah what the deal was Oprah said there was no deal. Maybe true…I think if there was no deal then why wasn’t Whoopie included in any of her shows previously? It’s so obvious that there is “something” going on. There is a lot going on in the Universe of Oprah many of us on that couch have been vivisected by Oprah. Completely gutted in violent, permanently damaging ways, still no one has the guts or ability to face the, the HUGE Corporation called Oprah Inc. The huge juggernaut that makes up OPRAH has become THE behemoth the frightening power center that someone as historically bold like Whoopie is silenced in front of. We all are and everyone in our spheres is silenced as well. Too bad for you and me, no one will stand up to her except maybe Angelina Jolie and Kitty Kelly. I am not sure it was a good idea to do the show. In fact I should have never done the movie. To late…all done. The real issue here is lack of opportunity, lack of quality roles and lack of financing. It is fascinating how controlled we are by money. It is the lubrication that is the driving force in this society and in our life all at our peril. Pursuit of it like a cancer eats away at our integrity.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Refueling…is essential in a single engine plane and especially if one is traversing the continent going from the East Coast to the West Coast. La Junta Colorado is a perfect stop over because the Rocky Mountains are the lowest. We have stopped there a few times and one thing I noticed the first trip there (overnight) was that aside form an ominous boy’s prison that seemed oddly prominent. There were a lot of single solo guys who looked “lurky, or predatory” eating alone at the local dining establishment making me comment that the town felt like a pedophiles paradise. Boy’s prison and desolate location perfect for the corrupt prison guards to pimp the children out. Older men alone yet who seem to be there for a reason other than the isolated environment that is this dust bowl called La Junta. Okay? So then today on television this creep who has published a guide on pedophilia happens to be from a town very close to La junta in Pueblo Colorado. It all makes sense. There is a connection…this is a dark spot in southern Colorado where it is weirdly isolated and I think bad things happen to very young boys. I think in fact it is a big slimy operation and my beloved boyfriend always respects my “sixth sense” and my radar or sixth sense was going crazy with warning. Bad things are happening there. So today when I heard about this weirdo who is peddling his book and he is from that area I go YES! That place that area is full of “them “pedophiles…I don’t condone it and I think it’s off. I especially am suspect of any kind of incarceration of children especially boys…we need to investigate that boys prison in La junta Colorado now and I am not joking…unthinkable things are going on there you wait and see I am right! This pedophile author is just the tip of the iceberg. There are wealthy prominent men who fly in on their private jets to La Junta to visit this creepy prison…someone please look into it! I am on to something, sadly.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dropping the ball

Dropping the ball, I seem to do this in my life in small and not so small ways and it irks me. I was criticizing Oprah (my new past time) about what I perceive as a lackadaisical effort toward media integration. I think I may be too harsh on her. Something tells me I don’t know the whole story maybe she has tried to introduce the world to the wonders of all things ethnic and been rebuffed? Has she? Not so sure. I know a lot of her accolytes are successful; Rachel Ray, Dr. Phil, Dr Oz, Nate Berkus but fascinatingly none are of color. Yesterday my friend mentioned Gayle’s show? What show was that it came and went so fast? Maybe it’s too close to home I said maybe she is afraid to back any woman of color because she wants to be the best and brightest in THAT category. It may be as simple as that. So she can afford to support everything else and see it to success because she is the only example she’ll allow in the “color” category maybe? So maybe it’s deeper than just having dropped the ball. I still wonder why she is the only cover girl on her magazine. I know she has shared the duties but she is still it. Apparently her company explains the magazine doesn’t sell without her face on its cover. I don’t know maybe that is true. Still I feel there is a dirty spot in the otherwise clean sheet and it’s secret. My friend who knows Oprah as well as anyone says she is extremely complicated in her treatment of woman of color and beauty. So it is, so she is like any Empress she keeps her competition down. I guess it works and is very smart, very smart indeed. Must take note…keep my competition down. Although I can’t, I don’t have the ability. Years ago I was asked why I didn’t have more hot girlfriends hanging around. Why I didn’t like Hugh Hefner have a gaggle of bimbettes just hanging out eager to be befriended by my hunky guy friends. I laughed because it was true a lot of my friends where real people who looked normal and some of them were maybe even physically unattractive some were hot…but not all of my friends were hot that is for sure. At that moment in my life my relationship was fragile and my man was a dog who loved to screw my girlfriends. So men you wonder why some of us don’t have hot girlfriends, okay? On the other hand everyone wants something honestly would all of those girls be hanging at Hefs without Playboy magazine as a draw? Hef is a doll but it’s the magnetic pull of possible Hollywood fame that attracts the babies, buff bodies and all. So I understand Oprah more. It is human nature I suppose, that we need to rule. If you see hot people clustered together there is some force something that is attracting them…and it’s usually the chance at something big like a part or a rich husband. Maybe or maybe they are athletes? I notice fit people tend to be quite handsome, maybe it’s because they use their bodies and it makes them handsome. We all want something its nature at her finest, she makes us desire. Religions have it wrong when they say “rid yourself of desire” I need desire to wake up every day, to move my body to live. It animates me…it propels my universe. I also like competition I enjoy the challenges of my smarter than me friends and the edge I walk in my career. I used to resent it but I am starting to understand it. I get why we should be thinner it looks better on camera and it’s all about beauty. I may not be successful at controlling my hunger/s but I get why it is desired to be stick thin for the cameras. The trick for me is learning to love that sensation of being hungry…feeding off it. I am certain I will die unsuccessful in this. I am certain I will always be just that much over weight. I don’t like to feel pain and to keep my body sharp edged means pain. Who cares there is more to life this than that; I know…I know trust me. Still I am trying to find a way to honor my animal athletic self. I am certain America has it wrong in its support of aging, babying ourselves, we need to move every single day, we need to be outside and we need to be in nature a lot. Every other hour should have us stretching and lifting heavy. It’s true…we were meant to move. We were meant to be fast and supple and tough for decades…like those fabulous Papua New Guinea men and woman. I can see myself at 70 naked with a lean muscular body, bone in my nose chasing after a flag in the over 60 naked marathon for woman in New Hampshire. Can’t you? My New Year resolution; have friends who are hot (to me) be outside more and when possible (safe) be naked.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Okay, call me crazy...

Okay call me crazy…no I will call me crazy. CRAZY, I had so much fun at Oprah this week. It was a surprise and a blast to see everyone. Especially Willard and Akosua, oh and honestly Whoopie was wonderful too…must get her details so I can visit her again in NYC. Something monumental occurred to me. Imagine being a normal person with an okay career in broadcast than suddenly thrust upon the world stage and given a platform to reach millions everyday for 25 plus years, it will it has to change you. The influx of energy is enormous and I can’t imagine how difficult it is to get accustomed to the life style change there is no operating manual. It never occurred to me to look at her Oprah this way. I have held her separate from my heart because I felt her creepiness as petty and vile. When I look at my inner judgment toward her I see perfectly that I was all of those things to her as well, in equal parts. Look it wasn’t intimate there was no dinner at her home kind of thing believe you me there was a wall of security around her…it made me appreciate my entire path, my life. It gave me giggles almost seeing how lucky I am, how blessed. Oh sure you say how could I not know all of this. I watch how people forgive someone their aberrant behaviors because they are wealthy…I watch us forgive her because she is so powerful and it has always felt wrong. Yet I am going to say I see her better having had a moment on her stage. I watched her closely, I held her hand at one point or two, I felt her almost nervously try to be down, or a wee bit normal. Normal is never going to be for her. She will never be able to go anywhere without it being freakishly uncomfortable. Everywhere she goes someone will be squealing, screaming and having had a bit of that nonsense done to myself nothing is more bizarre than someone yelling at the top of their lungs because they recognize you. Not nice and definitely annoying. She gets no free pass. Nowhere on planet Earth can she escape scrutiny. So I see and get the strange paranoia the inhuman like behavior, the selfishness and the greed and the insecurities…oh my. So what I take away from my sojourn in Chicago is that I have been spared. God bless us…xo

Thursday, October 28, 2010


I am rumored to be appearing on Oprah Nov. 5th.

The Color purple reunion show.

1# no ticket yet has until I see THAT I am not really believing I will be going anywhere.
2#. last time I flew to Chicago to appear on her show she never called me onto the stage. So I flew there for what? thing. She did have a lovely chat with Arnold.
3# I am afraid it will be cheesy...please forgive all of us if it is.

How does one say no to the O?

Scary really.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


Things are sinister in the world of politics right now with the Chamber of Commerce trying to buy the elections by lying to the out of work marginalized American population who have fallen back to the old racist line of thinking that they(the whackadoo extreme right) will carry them to the promise land all the while making sure that outsourcing is alive and well. Whilst the very people being vilified are quietly doing their jobs actually understanding what the Constitution says and actually capable of reading it as well as every other necessary important documents needed to competently run this country. The false saviors of the far right who are on a mission to hoist the whole kit and caboodle into the dark ages because they think it will be better. The same yahoos who are telling Latino’s not to vote? It baffles the mind that we will allow this to happen. I am alert and prepared for what may be the most fascinating cultural scrimmage in American history. There really are many people who are on a jag to thrust this country back to the days of Jim Crow…well almost. Or back alley abortions or worse; ethnic cleansing? To think Ed Miller is allegedly supported by white supremacist groups, or that in fact a few more political wannabes are secret or not so secret racists makes me sad and concerned for everyone and that this thinking is gaining popularity, I am baffled by the sheer lack of intelligence. I am hoping the quiet smart majority will come out on the 2nd of November to show that in fact they are watching and listening closely and what they hear is disturbing and not going to be tolerated.
Tolerance is the key word. This is a tolerant country at its best and I pray literally that we can maintain our sanity in the years to come and that these strange corporate financed buffoons go away. We deserve better and yet we do get what we deserve. If we don’t show up at the voting booths we get the likes of what we had in the last administration. This was disgraceful and dangerous to our national security; give the man a chance in Washington to continue the good fight.
... and please don't forget to VOTE!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Chico and Sara Kruzan

Okay nothing is more disturbing to most people than the capacity to forgive a monster. The movie "Family Affair" is about just that. Most of us confuse forgiveness as letting monsters get away with say, rape, murder or worse soul murder as in perpetrating abuse on the defenseless. These beastly people still deserve forgiveness not forgetting-ness, but forgiveness is a big difference. Watching Chico Colvard’s film “family affair” about his family and the monster they lived with his father was enlightening. In the movie we slowly learn what his crimes are and how they impacted his children, Chico being the only son with three sisters. We learn that Chico never experienced any sexual abuse but certainly he lived through the hellish verbal physical abuse disguised as discipline. In the movie we watch his beautiful sisters emerge out of hell and carve a life for themselves that weirdly but most definitely includes “him” the father. It is disturbing and sad and frustrating and amazing because if we are honest we must forgive. What gives me the creeps is how unknowledgeable the justice system is I am speaking about the courts to major psychological abuse and it’s infinite manifestations. I was reading about a young child who was seduced at 11 and thrust into prostitution who at 16 murders the pimp, the original guy who turned her out as a child. She murders him and because of the physical clues at the scene of the actual murder it could be interpreted as premeditated which carries life in prison which by the way she got. Nothing is mentioned of the Stockholm syndrome the years of abuse she suffered as his slave, his sex slave. No just the immediate facts of the crime. There is something so wrong about this. This person Sara Kruzan never had a chance, in fact it is more abuse. It hurts my heart to know she is in prison forever because of our (societal) disconnect the law versus the laws of psychology. We are inhumane in the way we incarcerate people especially children. I am glad she murdered her pimp after so much harm that came her way. I am glad the family of Chico can forgive the selfish mess of a father because he is at the end of the day their dad. The girls in Chico’s film have every reason to murder this man and yet they did not and will not and in fact have allowed themselves to be in relationship with him. On the other hand my heart bleeds for the child now a woman in prison forever because I think her victim deserved the bullet. I think he deserved more than that. I would love to see justice done for her and for all of us children who will do anything to be loved.

New Hampshire film festival

We just finished our local Film festival. I saw amazing things but my favorites would have to be the documentaries. First I was bamboozled into sitting through "Family Affair" by Chico Colvert. Which was a sensitive stunning portrait of his highly disfunctional family. Word has it Oprah has bought the rights to show it first on her network if you get a chance please sit and view it. It absolutely floored me he has done a great thing.
Then my next favorite was "U.N. Me" about the horrid corruption of the U.N. It will enrage you and make you pay attention like this radical Teaparty candidates sideshow we are in at the moment.
Are you all paying attention? Watch the Ed Show on MSNBC or just watch that channel. It is heating up and these folks are bad so rotten and of course....Gawd help us dumber than dumb.

Finally I have to nothing but big respect for the film makers who risk everything to educate us the Documentary maker.

Thank you all you Documentary film makers we need you.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Today I woke up in a small crisis. I have to do something that goes against what I believe in. Oh it’s not as if I live in a war torn area and I am reduced to extreme conditions no. It’s something less harmful and maybe weirder, maybe and I feel as if I must do something about my predicament yet I have to be smart and careful. Okay, I don’t want to reveal the details….yet. I will refrain but what is at stake is an opportunity to make the most of this crisis. For every setback there can appear an opportunity or many that in the end may turn a setback into a gift. I hope this is the situation here so I think I can rise up and take care of this “issue”. Suddenly I am aware of my holding myself back and of not being so generous with the things I can share. Also I am surprised at how connected inner prosperity (my thinking) is with my outer picture, my life. I also think we as a rule don’t appreciate where we are. We judge and complain about the stack of responsibilities that are called bills as we spend beyond our means because we lust after more and yet if we were balanced and centered we would see that everything we have is enough. That we really don’t need more we need to use and give away what is moldering in our closets and stacked inside our garages. Poor us…no wonder we are broke. I am getting this thing I think. I am getting the big picture here about true wealth. How it isn’t something to be pursued. It is a byproduct we must discover and offer something that many people can benefit from. Something that helps us to be better we must devote our attentions to things that uplift and entertain and create environments where we as a whole can grow. Than the by product may be financial abundance beyond our imagination. Than we must prepare to share that abundance we must share it. Every billionaire I have met focused on the product or service and the rest (fortune) followed. So those of us stuck in financial ruts can see our way out simply by changing our focus. Saying this is easy but living this fact has already made my life better financially, it had instantly improved not because I don’t care about money but truthfully I don’t care about money. I care about the quality of my experiences. I care about the quality of love in my life. The depth of experience as it happens. It is vital to my existence to be connected with my environment. It is vital to your existence to refocus and appreciate where you are and what you have now. If you happen to have very little then you need to work on changing that by giving more of what little you have and what you can give. If it is time you have a lot of because you are unemployed than give that. There is a reason Angelina Jolie gives what she does to every cause on the planet…she shows up with her time and money because she needs to show up. She benefits personally. Giving raises our vibration. She draws her inner strength, her inner wealth (love) from being a good world citizen. You and I can do this… so let’s get busy.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Faithless love...

Hidden in the deepest corner of my soul is a fear that when I die I will be afraid. I will cringe and fight and writhe in agony…I think not and yet who will know, not me until I get there. Dying is a dirty word although I am obsessed with it. The processes, the lack of ritual, the fear and repulsion and the scary potential of maybe fighting it in an ungraceful way, I know we will never know till it’s time. I heard about a young girl who died last week in a car accident she left a party at 4:00 am was on the phone with her father and moments later hit a tree and was (hopefully) dead instantly. Jammed underneath her dash board the car wedged into a tree. Crazy how fast it can happen. Reading online about a mother who blogged online about her life as a mother. She whose son just died of an overdose who now is experiencing all that we do experience when our children pass as well as the load of guilt and anger from her online community and the love and support as well, a gigantic bunch of feelings, deep, scary big stuff. We all do the best we can. It’s not possible to imagine what these parents or any parents the world over go through when their children predecease them. Recently I found myself having lunch with a friend who is in pain around a failed (his words) relationship, which I think was quite successful and vibrant and may have run its course. Funny how that can and does happen we just are finished. Anyway I felt something about him and I shared it and it resonates for me as well. We lose faith we forget that we have little to do with what is and that the only thing we can control is our response to life. That is all yet we fancy we are capable of controlling life but it’s not true. If it were true our babies would not die before us. So if God is omnipotent, omniscient, supreme and loving then it’s a good thing we are carried (if we allow it) and that it’s perfection. Tough when you are burying your child, I cannot imagine and I pray never to have to have that experience although my son is fragile (two ventricular peritoneal shunts) I could get the call. Nonetheless and in spite of all of that we still have to have faith if we want to have a life that is tender and effortless, and yet it’s a tall order especially when we are wealthy, intelligent and used to getting our way. I am certain life is good and we are blessed and that everything is perfect. I am certain I forget this and I look forward to the daily , moment by moment rediscovery that we are safe in the big and little existential way only don’t tell me this when I am writhing in agony. You might get hurt.

Friday, October 8, 2010

A can of Whup Ass!

It is incredible the stories and over all amnesia that America is suffering from and the basic lies being told regarding the gigantic fiscal mess this country is in and the terrible trap we fell into when we decided to go into war with not one but three nations. It is sad and unfair and evil the way the right and the Christian right have used BIG government as a bad word and no taxes as a good thing to wrest control back again after having thrust this country into a two term nightmare called affectionately “The Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Rice, years” . Imagine a world where the likes of Palin and Glen Beck and the little witch Christy were in charge? It’s frightening in the way that Obama’s white house is for the racially intolerant. Only those peachy slogan addicted yahoo’s don’t understand intelligence and thoughtfulness and prudence and care. We don’t as a whole recognize honest hard work and we are not patient enough to trust the process because we are deaf, dumb and stupid when it comes to government policy and due process and reality. Okay I am cranky and getting worried and concerned about Washington and this country and the directions we could be headed if THEY get power back. They being the Right the deadly silent but wealthy right “Republicans”. Avenue C is a factory of cult like Christian based leaders, financed and groomed right out of bad science fiction. Senators and the like who are financed by very deep pocketed conservatives who happen to be religious and want nothing more than to mega church faith base America, meaning put that style of worship front and center in our culture just like those towel headed fundamentalist , Islamic clerics want only their brand of hoo ha to be practiced the world over. Creationists who would roll back a hundred years of true science just to make the bible stories fact. Gives me the willies all of it! I want our Democratic president to get up and shout and tell is like it is. Stop being so cool…I want them Dems to fight for what is a smart direction (the one we are being guided toward) to face the right-wing nut bullies NOW. I don’t want to lose control of the house. I want the chance to do what we set out to do…I want to see us in the black. Maybe literally… meaning financial surplus for all in the USA only with a swagger, rythmn.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Pain TV

Being voted off a show must be the most humiliating experience. I think we are in the most bizarre painful era of entertainment. I cannot watch shows where people compete or rage and fight and reduce themselves to the lowest denomination of person. I know it is sport to watch people meltdown but it hurts me no end. I think living is already tough and painful at times and extremely challenging. So to sit down for my two hours of entertainment and watch people suffer hurts me and I can’t do it. I would rather learn something new catch up on the political scene and try to decipher the tea party- er’s pledge to America. I miss drama and comedy straight up. I have to say. I enjoy the “The Big C” and “Weeds” and look forward to “Californication” and I watch “Dexter”. I also enjoy Nurse Jackie and people say “The big bang” is good and we watch “Modern Family”. My Bf loved the show “Lonestar” it lasted two episodes. Depressing to lose such a beauty of a show but who says they know anything? I look forward to the era when these painful competition shows are over and done and that day will come sooner than later. I can smell disinterest already it’s in the air. How many people have to off themselves after being verbally abused by a hopped up asshole? Cooking shows baffle me. I prefer the travelling ones where we learn about a region and its specialties versus fast flame cook offs. Again stress shows with pain all over them. My Bf adores these competitions and I don’t get it. We differ when it comes to pain television. Mind you I can watch my own version of pain TV “Chelsea Lately” she’s mean but funny. So I am not without a little bitch in me…okay a lot of bitch in me. I like her I think she has a great platform I wish I had one just like that…only my version and different. I would love a show where we could dish and learn and try to delve into gooey subjects those hard to understand yet fun to try to fathom subjects. I know I fancy myself as deep and can at moments dip down into some heavy stuff, I try. Watching stiff crooners dance is painful alright and I think managers should be fired and handlers punished for ever thinking that putting someone on a dancing show is a good idea. Personally I would rather have my head cut off. So don’t ever ask me about THAT show, ever!!!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The naughty Bishop Long

Bishop Long is lying and it’s a fantastic gift to the community. The African American community has a checkered past when it comes to full disclosure regarding sexuality and men and especially Atlanta’s men. What a gift this whole crisis will be to us because we need to stop being so unforgiving and so ignorant when it comes to homosexuality. It is not a disease and it isn’t something we can overcome and “heal” from. Plus it isn’t bad or wrong or unnatural it’s just “sexuality” and nothing is sinful or wrong about sexuality and its infinite expressions. As a culture and as a group African Americans have had to endure so much hardship as we watch a LARGE majority of our ranks be put behind bars. If we had more of everything would we be driven to a life of crime? I think not because society hasn’t offered a level playing field when it comes to opportunity and we as a group have endured hardships that most would buckle under or make one go “Postal” so it is understandable that we suffer from our own internal intolerance toward each other and toward a fringe group like homosexuals. While within our own community as in the larger human community they (homosexuals) exist side by side. They are queer and here and not going anywhere. Why it matters and why we still treat homosexuality like a disease is shocking and shameful, unintelligent. I am so grateful to this Bishop for being so sleazy and hypocritical because he has now become the poster boy for all that is wrong and intolerable in our very own community, he is the big fish DL’r, ah sweet Jesus. What a gift to all. To be truly Christian one is tolerant and respectful and as honest as possible and loving. Anything less is evil. I look forward to when he collapses in shame and confesses which he will because more and more young boys and men will come forward. Within any community we have these types of men liars and charlatans. Power intoxicates and spiritual leaders promise salvation by the simplest of means when in fact it’s a personal journey that each of us must make on our own and it’s not easy, nice or pretty. It is a worthy journey but the path is narrow and unforgiving and lonely. No leader or teacher or guru can give us God. We must discover what it is to be God Conscious on our own. Within…the bigger the promise of salvation the shadier the message the more suspect you and I should become. Ah but as a group we humans are lazy and just want someone else or some group/cult to do the heavy lifting. Not realizing that in doing our own heavy lifting, the “work” the deep spiritual work we gain strength and real DIVINTY. Authentic Angel hood, we become authentically empowered. Still it’s a grand lesson and I am thrilled and grateful Bishop Long is such a colorful creep…oh I know he’s not all bad but neither was Hitler, idi Amin or Stalin, the current leaders of Dar Fur, Somalia, Burma. Get my drift? Come on America stop being so afraid of your sexuality and allow yourself a chance to love for loves sake. In my opinion sexuality should be expressed case by case, person by person. Isn’t it ironic that the bigger the opponent the higher the likely hood of homosexuality? LOVE THAT!


It’s a shame if we see health care repealed. I am certain the voting masses will wake up. I hope though the wake up will not happen after the fact. I am trying hard to see both sides of the argument. The problem though is that cutting taxes and repealing healthcare and wanting smaller government scares me as much as rolling back to the last administrations bottom line as if the Cheney Bush years were ideal. The tea party’rs are trying hard to cloak their agenda in a “save America” rhetoric which is a thinly veiled comment on Obama and his race. Save America from the left whatever that means. I think it’s an attack on intelligence. A nationwide fear of thinking and education as if “Joe the Plummer” or Sarah Palin will save them. Cutesy wootsey slogans will drive us into the dirt and we will live to see breadlines. What I suspect is underneath all of the Tea party /Sarah Palin support besides racism is a heavy handed Christian right agenda. This country has a fundamentalist problem. Whenever I see those creepy Foundation for better life commercials I get the willies and I think domestic terrorism is a live and its thumping bibles and it’s after us. Like the plague. The creation of such cults in the guise of American values translates as white values versus decency and tolerance bothers me no end. Let’s hope most of us are smarter than this and we value our freedom of choice across the board. Yet I wonder. I know many people who rallied for the last election have turned off and have no idea what is taking place and believe you , me that is the worst case scenario for those of us who value change who welcome healthcare reform who want choice and tolerance and taxes that could help us regain our footing financially. Maybe I am being naive and should wake up like the “enemies” to choice and freedom of speech and healthcare and financial reform. Maybe like them I should call out and say “wake up” fellow Dems and “intellectual” liberals we are under attack it’s on and it’s real.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Factory town

I am cranky I woke up to read a bad review of a new major network show with two gorgeous actors who are far too perfect to be real people who happen to be African American (the guy) the woman is British. The show is a JJ Abrams spy series and it had no chance in hell of ever working. Why? The usual stretch from reality implausible plot line to implausible casting, it’s irritating because network brass are far from secure in choosing anything remotely interesting for fear of getting sacked and yet they continue to rehash so much crap they deserve to be sacked. UGH….and then I watched with delight as Paris Hilton was refused entry into Japan. Why that seems correct to me is scary but it feels like she got off lightly and it heartens me to know an entire country can be harsh to lowlife’s. Okay maybe calling her a low life is low but she does use the N word and she is entitled and I still don’t know what her talent is besides being skinny, pretty and famous for being famous with no talent. She’s the new breed of media construct, a media –bot darling, the walking weird that get attention for getting attention. Finally looking through the new previews I see a sea of cancelations coming because nothing is surprising us on network television or making us happy or inspired. I am sick of bitching about it. People say write something it doesn’t matter because unless you are inside the network agent L.A. machine they don’t know how or what to do with us creative’s outside the loop and it scares them if they cannot control and suck the life out of anything fresh new and exciting….say one sells a pilot getting the best of the idea through the gauntlet is nearly impossible unless you are a strong mofo…a bastard. I say bastard because rarely women have what it takes to get over without major bloodletting creatively. Hollywood isn’t the town of dreams it’s a factory on the verge of closing. Is it the internet? Maybe but so much content on the web sucks…it’s annoying all of it.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Bad Ju Ju

Retribution is a tricky thing and without devolving into guilt it covers territory that I think deserves examination. Often in the world I hear people myself included speak about Karma and how “everyone gets what they deserve” yet we sort of ignore this when it comes to say this country. I was listening to the news and there was a discussion about disarmament and how important it was. Then I was listening to another program about the A bomb and the devastation the Japanese went through because of the two bombs we dropped. Then I was thinking about the Pilgrims and the first contact all over North America and South for that matter and the devastation there. What it boils down to is a lot of Karma or retribution due. Okay you say that’s nonsense it’s the past let it go….or don’t worry about that. Well I was then made aware of comments by Mr. Stephen Hawking who has been critical of scientists who are on a mission to have cosmic contact with aliens. Mr. Hawkings says to beware because it may not turn out the way we would like it. In fact it could be a nightmare like something more violent then say the movie District 9. We could be enslaved and or hunted, exterminated like cockroaches. Crazy you say…maybe but looking at our illustrious history as species and as loutish invaders of foreign countries (Iraq) we could be due. Now I am not saying we deserve to be enslaved and destroyed but I am saying we have historically sowed some bad oats, some hardcore bad karma that must be coming due, or is it? Can we if we are the dominant race get away with murder, thievery, and bad behaviors? How it is that America is outside the big Universal laws like “What goes around…” Isn’t that worth thinking about? At the moment it seems like we continue to get away with stuff(pollution, murder to name a few) but recently I began thinking we can’t keep doing bad stuff globally and no retribution forth coming it just doesn’t seem possible. Yet here we are? So I wonder…what’s coming and is there anything we can do to neutralize the bad behavior/s?

Thursday, September 16, 2010


Every day I struggle with the concept of God. Nothing gets me more aroused with a mixture of contempt and hope then thinking about God. I want there to be a God head a divine omnipotence but I don’t always trust that it exists and I understand those who say it doesn’t just as I can embrace the faithful who say it does exist. In the course of miracles everything is in the hands of God and for some rebellious reason that offends me no end. Now when stuff gets hairy as in not good I will revert to prayer. Who is it I am praying to? Given a death or some spectacular tragedy I will pray to something called God. Meanwhile I do feel something a presence in my life my day to day existence. An intelligence that gently nudges me toward things that are good for me and the same nudging away from things that is suspect and not so good for me, does that prove Gods existence? Not really and listen I am not here to prove the argument, it’s impossible. I want there to be something that is omnipotent supreme, I do. I want there to be a love that is so gigantic to be immeasurable and badass indestructible. Is that asking too much?

Monday, September 13, 2010


Every time I hear about the American hikers being held in Iran I wonder what made them so insensitive and arrogant to think hiking in Iraq near Iran would be safe? Were they stupid missionaries? Isn’t that the type of people who drive head long into dangerous territories or war torn countries on missions to convert the innocent locals into their religion? I think the government of Iran is right to think these kids were spies. I mean what planet are you from to think hiking in Iraq is a good idea, planet dumb ass perhaps? I can’t help but feel frustrated by these kids and sad for their families we can’t disrespect others whose customs and political views greatly differ. I mean this not as support where human rights are violated but as a warning to other young or not so young explorers. The world is not our oyster at least some of it is not or should be off limits. I am thinking that the fine of half a million dollars to release this woman should serve as a cautionary tale. No matter how wholesome your intentions or neutral check with the customs and with the state department to see if it is hostile place to Americans. I resent any news being focused on these people I find their actions selfish and stupid. Yet it will keep happening because we as a species will forget and will be arrogant and foolish. I have nothing but sympathy for all the lost or missing souls here in America who are not getting the media attention these people are getting, especially the missing children and adults of African American descent who to this day are still being under reported in the media. It’s a shame.

Friday, September 3, 2010


6 boys in Louisiana drowned because none of them could swim. The British press is asking why so many African Americans don't swim. Some experts site the segregated swimming pools of the 60's and earlier. I know better it's the expensive hair that most women in the community wear that makes it highly unlikely that anyone with either weaves or a process do spends anytime in water. Sweating is also out so many women forgo expercise for the preservation of their hair. So much is sacrificed for the processed hair. Is that crazy or what?
It was an awkward moment this summer when I pointed out that many woman in the African American community don't swim my friend accused me of being racist when I said this. I said go to The Ink well and look for yourself and I promise most of the people in the water getting their hair wet will be children and male. Sure a female will wade upto her neck but I promise unless she is wearing a "natural" do she will not be getting her hair wet. I am blessed with curls, hair called "good" yet I am critized and I am certain have lost jobs because I am not wearing the straight hair do. I have worn it before yet I prefer my natural curls more. Tracks make my head itch I'd get headaches plus its very expensive to sport fake hair. Not worth the look since I love to swim and sweat. When will our community wake up and let go of our sick fascination with smooth hair? I hate it. I have decided I can't stand it. I think it looks fake and it speaks volumes about non-acceptance. It speaks volumes about self rejection. It is time for the community to ease up and face the facts....something is off and people are dying needlessly because some refuse to teach themselves and their children how to swim.
It should be law that every baby swims by age 3.
My heart breaks...for the 6 children who drowned in Louisiana.
I blame the community wide obession for smooth hair, so sad.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Big Deal

The Think and grow rich group that conferences every Tuesday evening was glorious in its originality and technological wonder. How a few likeminded people can share and learn from each other in real time over the expanse of the United States. It felt like we were together in the same room, almost. One of the topics we touched on lightly was the immediate impact that having a large amount of money would have on our lives. It would be both positive and negative. I believe we don’t understand it especially since we idolize huge sums of money or gargantuan wealth as full of happiness and wonder and nothing else yet from my research and travels I have discovered quite the opposite effect. Not that I am saying there isn’t wonder and goodness that comes from the ease of having enormous wealth. There is that too. I am speaking though of the other side of it the darker sadder side that doesn’t seem to get as much press but should because it is something to understand and could help us individually enjoy exactly where we are. You see money is energy and the more we give of ourselves to the world in every way whether it is through our careers and or hobbies the more we get and one of the things we get is compensation, financial. I look at Oprah as a prime example of it she is tireless in her sharing of all things she enjoys and all things she imagines we would enjoy and she has created a platform to do just that and lo and behold she is mega wealthy as a result of her generosity. There is a fascinating interview she gives with Byron Katie on her Sirius radio show where they do “The work” and Oprah in one of the series of interviews lets us know how everyone in her immediate and not so immediate family wants money. She says it causes her pain that everyone in her family has their hand out all of the time. Now really imagine that for a second. That everyone you know in your family has issues and they look to you as source. They look to you as their source. If you are a billionaire like Oprah then it’s understandable yet imagine if you worked hard and had to travel through the jungles of life and its lumps and bumps and then once you have achieved the great wealth then you are faced with others people whom you love with their hand out. Not only is their hand out its out with an attitude, with resentment. Tough stuff really and very isolating and how many people are out there who can enjoy the big wealth with you without having an angle on getting some of it? Then once you have achieved your mega-money-ness and God forbid you are single imagine the trust or lack thereof of every poor should who may or may not have your best interest in mind when they seek to court you or want to seriously date? It gets tricky look at Madonna or Oprah or the late Barbra Hutton or the late Doris Duke. The long list of highly complicated lonely wealthy people, David Geffen said money was lovely but it wreaked havoc on his love life. I know Steve Bing went around pretending he didn’t have money for years so he could date without being hassled by that factor, that element. He didn’t trust that people went out with him otherwise. So he pretended quite successfully until he was outed to be a near broke screen writer and it worked until the messy tabloid stuff about paternity and Elizabeth Hurley. Listening last night to some of us speak about money I got the sense that many of us really don’t know what it means the full spectrum of it, the huge responsibility and also the hazards of huge wealth and its isolating aspects. I say investigate the whole picture and measure against your current life and its vibration and its balance (or lack of) its peace. Also check in with how you live and how much you give or don’t give in every aspect. We hold the key to what we can accept into our lives we hold the key to that kingdom. If we want greatness in financial terms we need to understand all aspects of what that means and how it will impact our hearts and soul. I think the Universal intelligence that guides us and monitors freewill listens to our highest voice that place in our souls that knows better than say our cerebral cortex or our ego centricity. Our “higher self” knows we love community and peace and joy and bliss and quiet simplicity. So even if we torture ourselves and everything in our current reality with our seeming failure. Forgetting as we struggle to get what we think we want yet never realize because we truly don’t want “it” that that is why we don’t succeed in our happiness and our thinking. Seeking blindly after crazy mind boggling wealth that could disrupt our equilibrium, our peace is crazy alright. Most of us don’t really understand it and I would be so brazen to say most of us don’t even truly want it. Not if we understood EVERYTHING it brings. So investigate and know or imagine the level of abundance you are seeking measure it, because it is attainable and the best part? Chances are you are there; chances are we have accomplished nearly everything we could ask for in this life.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

In-tolerance me?

Yes, yes, very hypocritical of me to be cranky one regarding a couple of trifling celebrities. Today is a day we should be proud and celebratory. It is finally a near reality that Iraq and it's expensive war is officially over. Oh I know we are faking it as far as drawing down truly. I know we can never leave the region especially with Israel and Iran fired up and the Hamas poised to strike again and again. We should not be stupid to think we can impact the region or at least in a meaningfulway and yet I feel happier that at least verbally we are saying adios to Iraq and some of our troops can come home for now. Still it's a Catch-22 we have to be there in order to be near and established enough to re-enter in a meaningful way in case "They" get weird and too strong with our allies and yet it is VERY expensive to us to maintain bases everywhere.
Like "Charlie Wilson's war" where we took on the Russians by helping the freedom fighters of Afganistan. Both occupations kicked our butts worse because it thrust our economy into the toilet.
Still I am happier today I like that Obama tries to keep his word.
It's refreshing at least on paper and it's rare in politics.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Druggie people

Drug test her, get her to submit to a big fat urine test and we will know in a couple of hours if the blonde heiress was doing blow. Poor thing so dumb is she being advised by her just as stupid family members. Her family rooting her on as she lies. No wonder the starlet thinks she can keep getting away with being drug busted. She does keep getting away with it globally or the other reality starlet whose main claim to fame is her gigantic ass and pretty face (she is pretty)...I swear media is powerful and here I am discussing these manufatcured role models of our youth obbessesd society. Women whose main achievement in life is going to Vegas to open a new disco. Maybe I am jealous in my day we partied and didn't get paid for it. Okay maybe the just fresh out of rehab and jail movie starlet has done some fine acting, okay she is talented, I am a fan.
Not so much the N-word using dodo head drug addict heiress. Drug test the heiress, yes. She is suspiciously skinny, scary, stupid, a bitch who needs to stand up and be a real role model. Drugs are done by the velvet rope crowd by the elite model/ party girls how else do they keep those heroin chic physiques. In fact I suspect that if every society bitch young and very old, here and in Europe were drug tested we'd learn everything we needed to learn about legal and illegal pharmacopia.

The world is full of liars.

Magazines, the media revere idolize the druggiest ones as ideal role models for all of us. The strung out, and yes the very beautiful(according to THAT ideal) the full of BS babies...all looking for love. Test the heiress so we can escape hearing her pathetic lies. Off with their heads as they fake eat cake. Ha! I strike the first blow...blow?

Monday, August 30, 2010


Maybe if we dissect the issue and stop complaining about it and start educating people the general community of media savants will get it and start to be less afraid and more uncharacteristically braver. I think taking the cranky route hasn’t worked. No instead I think it’s time to take the peaceful route and educate ‘them” by gently explaining how we of color work, and how important it is to ease America into understanding each and every one of us from a clever perspective and how interesting and satisfying it is to watch a show about say an East Indian family and their trials then another cop show starring another fashion model turned sleuth. You Hollywood and the rest of America who are not ethnic don’t grasp the concept that we in the ethnic community want you to grasp. We are a diverse group of folks within our community. You have the ghetto people who have rather thick southern based accents, maybe less education. You have the middle income with less thick accents and more education. You have the upper class (minority within a minority) with even less ghetto root-age but maybe an accent that is “put on” to mix in and seem real or "down". Then you have the huge diverse “mixed “group of us who again come from various social economic spheres. You see we don’t come in just one color we come in an infinite mix of fascinating worthy hues both internally and externally. I know the main reason why media isn’t more diverse. Simple…they who are in power don’t want to share the candy. They want to continue to rehash to regurgitate what they know hoping we as audience and consumers will not mind. Yet we mind and my brethren who are smart, urban and truly integrated and non ethnic mind. Television today is like eating mashed potatoes every meal; it is dull. There is one show coming by JJ Abrams with Boris the gorgeous Kojo starring (forgive the spelling) about a married CIA couple that has the realism of a female President in office today; not happened yet! They are beautiful and dangerous an African American Mr. and Mrs. Smith. My fingers are crossed and when that tanks we will get blamed for being unmarketable. I truly hope the show sails to huge ratings my fingers and toes are crossed. Television breaks rules constantly they are painful sad rules; one being youth obsession. I recently learned that the young are craving the not so young. This being that experience is the best aphrodisiac. The Emmys were boring after my friend Michelle didn’t win. I stopped watching it. The sea of white faces depresses me every awards show. The Oscars are no better. I still think we need to stop watching all media completely until they get smarter. It’s time.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

There's a storm 'a' coming...

Here is an article I ran into today in a Australian paper;

Solar Sun Storm

Sun ramping up for Solar Max
First Max event since mid-80s
US studies effects of 'digital bomb'
ISS search for dark matter, anti-universe
AFTER 10 years of comparative slumber, the sun is waking up - and it's got astronomers on full alert.

This week several US media outlets reported that NASA was warning the massive flare that caused spectacular light shows on Earth earlier this month was just a precursor to a massive solar storm building that had the potential to wipe out the entire planet's power grid.

NASA has since rebutted those reports, saying it could come "100 years away or just 100 days", but an Australian astronomer says the space community is betting on the sooner scenario rather than the latter.

Despite its rebuttal, NASA's been watching out for this storm since 2006 and reports from the US this week claim the storms could hit on that most Hollywood of disaster dates - 2012.

Start of sidebar. Skip to end of sidebar.
Related CoverageSolar fireworks to follow sun blast
Perth Now, 4 Aug 2010
Milky Way 'has 100 million liveable planets', 25 Jul 2010
Total solar eclipse visible to lucky few
Adelaide Now, 10 Jul 2010
Hot new images show sun in a new light
The Australian, 22 Apr 2010
NASA launches solar observatory
Adelaide Now, 11 Feb 2010End of sidebar. Return to start of sidebar.
Similar storms back in 1859 and 1921 caused worldwide chaos, wiping out telegraph wires on a massive scale.

The 2012 storm has the potential to be even more disruptive.

"The general consensus among general astronomers (and certainly solar astronomers) is that this coming Solar maximum (2012 but possibly later into 2013) will be the most violent in 100 years," astronomy lecturer and columnist Dave Reneke said.

"A bold statement and one taken seriously by those it will affect most, namely airline companies, communications companies and anyone working with modern GPS systems.

"They can even trip circuit breakers and knock out orbiting satellites, as has already been done this year."

Regardless, the point astronomers are making is it doesn't matter if the next Solar Max isn't the worst in history, or even as bad as the 1859 storms.

It's the fact that there hasn't been one since the mid-80s. Commodore had just launched the Amiga and the only digital storm making the news was Tetris.

No one really knows what effect the 2012-2013 Solar Max will have on today's digital-reliant society.

Dr Richard Fisher, director of NASA’s Heliophysics division, told Mr Reneke the super storm would hit like "a bolt of lightning”, causing catastrophic consequences for the world’s health, emergency services and national security unless precautions are taken.

US government officials earlier this year took part in a "tabletop exercise" in Boulder, Colorado, to map out what might happen if the Earth was hit with a storm as intense as the 1859 and 1921 storms.

The 1859 storm was of a similar size to that predicted by NASA to hit within the next three years – one of decreased activity, but more powerful eruptions.

NASA said that a recent report by the National Academy of Sciences found that if a similar storm occurred today, it could cause “$1 to 2 trillion in damages to society's high-tech infrastructure and require four to 10 years for complete recovery”.

Staff at the Space Weather Prediction Center in Colorado, which hosted the exercise, said with our reliance on satellite technology, such an event could hit the Earth with the magnitude of a global hurricane or earthquake.

The reason for the concern comes as the sun enters a phase known as Solar Cycle 24.

All the alarming news building around the event is being fuelled by two things.

The first is a book by disaster expert Lawrence E. Joseph, Guilty of Apocalypse: The Case Against 2012, in which he claims the "Hurricane Katrina for the Earth" may cause unprecedented planetwide upheaval.

The second is a theory that claims sunspots travel through the sun on a "conveyor belt" similar to the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt which controls weather on Earth.

The belt carries magnetic fields through the sun. When they hit the surface, they explode as sunspots.

Weakened, they then travel back through the sun's core to recharge.

It all happens on a rough 40-50-year cycle, according to solar physicist David Hathaway of the National Space Science and Technology Center in the US.

He says when the belt speeds up, lots of magnetic fields are collected, which points to more intense future activity.

"The belt was turning fast in 1986-1996," Prof Hathaway said.

"Old magnetic fields swept up then should reappear as big sunspots in 2010-2011."

Most experts agree, although those who put the date of Solar Max in 2012 are getting the most press.

They claim satellites will be aged by 50 years, rendering GPS even more useless than ever, and the blast will have the equivalent energy of 100 million hydrogen bombs.

“We know it is coming but we don’t know how bad it is going to be,” Dr Fisher told Mr Reneke in the most recent issue of Australasian Science.

“Systems will just not work. The flares change the magnetic field on the Earth and it’s rapid, just like a lightning bolt.

"That’s the solar effect.”
Read more:

The good news? I think all of us need to get busy having more fun and enjoying life fully because if indeed the Mayans are right or these Solar storm Scientists then we don't have much time to live as we do today. Oh sure some of us will be able to maintain status quo...others not so much.
I like it makes us enjoy each moment and not take life for granted.

Better get busy.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Energy is the "thing"...

Energy is the everything that matters. I can walk through a town or neighborhood and tell immediately if it is happy or depressed and or violent. Oh sure it's easy to tell when one is in a bad 'hood' by the derelict spaces and clutter. It is also easy to sense when one is in a prosperous place with happier people and fun, organic, healthy, activites are predominant. Yet most of us don't want to be self responsible. Ok I will speak for myself. I will see (sometimes) how I will ignore my life and things in it because I don't want to feel pain or be reminded of how I am not doing well in any one aspect. I will ignore something until it bites me in the ass and I yelp. Only to be reminded that it was all me that ignored the signs.

Okay I am being weird and unclear. The topic is energy and how
we are of it and we make it and how we spread it around. It is so forceful that it can infect if it isn't grounded and made with love we can infect a space, a business (negatively) by our energetic fear. This fear is a drag it seems to almost ruin and rule things unless we fight it and it is made to be under control. Call me crazy but I think the littlest details can reflect the bigger energetic force field.

Dirt and lint and broken or chipped things can hurt us. I guess and I hate to say this; but fat, if we are fat it can impact how we are seen in a positive light. I hate to be a fat phobe being someone who is constantly battling my own fattiness. UGH...

Energy, so if we can pause a moment, dissect our existence and maybe isolate and identify where we are energetically slack I think it can greatly improve our lives.

I even think if we are fearful about being anything (a failure, unloved, sick,or left behind)we create that very the energy of FEAR.

See the connection?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Recently I stayed awake later than usual and watched a documentary about steroid use. It was fascinating and insightful and it convinced me that as usual we need to go by a case by case example whether the drugs are in correct use etc…my BF is convinced it needs to stay out of sports and that it taints the games. I say it changes the games and there should be a special juiced up section of the games (any) where the “roided” up athletes compete. He says no it would ruin it. I disagree. I know for one thing the same prosecutor is coming after Lance Armstrong soon and that he has the goods to ‘out” him for using steroids” and that the team he was on has stepped up and confessed. This is the guy who brought down Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. I also have met and know people with HIV who are thriving on steroids who have changed their body composition. I think many actors are on them famous guys and gals who seem to always have booming muscles and yet when you look deeply at their physiques it’s obvious they have some help. I won’t name names but there is one actor I was looking at this morning who yet again has his shirt off who I am certain uses drugs…oh sure he works out all day and is active but I sense it doesn’t hurt to get a little help now and again. I once had a spin instructor who was female who was as ripped as a dude and I would look at her body jealous that she could manufacture that much muscle now I know better. She was juicing. In fact look around at the best bodies in the media and they are getting help. Which is my point if it were not so stigmatized we would all be told willingly who was doing what, when , instead we who lug around our never ripped carcasses have to feel like failures only to find out our prime example of fitness use drugs. It’s annoying and really frustrating and unfair. Who cares if someone wants to enhance their bodies with steroids especially if they are adults? I just want to know officially that they are doing it…I think we all deserve some disclosure

Monday, August 16, 2010

Fine print

Fine print is evil it was invented for the parasitic to feed on those of us (me) who never read the fine print. Naturally lazy I rush over large print let alone fine print. Bad habit that and it will end up costing me everything….I bet. So I have to slow down and digest the fine print starting today. Contracts everywhere and people wonder why I left face book and refuse to join anymore of these networks. I feel that they will cost us just read the fine print. Recently I was charged a lot of money for a bunch of magazine I consciously did not order. My bank thankfully chased the vendor and we canceled everything including having to close the account. I am not impressed with how fast and sleazy these companies have become. It seems anyone can be signed into a program that will attach to your credit card and be completely unaware. It is fine print so if you see offers for anything free or trial basis know there is fine print that will charge you eventually down the road. In fact it is guaranteed that you will be dinged a huge amount and the only way to stop charges in the future is to kill the account completely. Fascinating how vulnerable we are. Again fine print is a bugaboo a big monster that will get us. Okay, I may be blowing fine print into a bigger issue then it is for most and some of you relish reading it, I know. It makes me think of rain man the ability to study with interest the minutia of various contracts and special offers. I am lazy though I am a big person (in my head) I like grand sweeping events and things and large font and big print. I am messy and yet I do have order in my life. I just don’t take the time to read the small print the stuff that matters and everything at the bottom of a contract is “the deal” is the matter. So like with eating slow…it is good for us to digest and carefully read the fine print of life; metaphorically too.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Good morning…yesterday I was asked to share a tale a story about being a mother to my son Morgan. When he was seven weeks old he was diagnosed with hydrocephalus (water on the brain) he had an obstruction in his lower right ventricle, the well where spinal fluid is made. We have four of these magnificent areas and one of his was blocked.. So it was decided that at seven weeks he needed to be shunted immediately. I was 21 years old and new to being a mom and very worried and scared but also at the critical moment in my life I was grateful that I had built unbeknownst to me a solid spiritual foundation based more on my own intuition and faith in life and nature then say man or a God. The lovely doctors were generous in telling me that my son would be horribly disabled and unable to do the simplest things because in their experience this is how it went, water on the brain? Well that meant a long list of issues. In my experience I knew it was up to me and Morgan whether we would make it out of there alive and whole and healthy. You see I sat on the bed in the hospital and I meditated on my choices and I knew there was an entire universe of choices for me. I could succumb to the opinion of the trained staff in the hospital and believe everything they said because they were experts or I could feel into it and hold the child and allow him to tell me through his energy and light what needed to be done and how it would go. I needed as his mother to hold him in his wholeness allowing the staff to do their jobs but never for once letting their fears or opinion sway me off course. I felt at 21 that it was my job to see him as he truly was whole and healthy and strong and I did. I would listen quietly as they explained what would happen after the operations and how he would never be able to this or that or I can’t even remember the horrible list anymore. I would nod and listen and think as each word was spoken “not him” “not this time” I really knew he was different and that his story wasn’t disability but Morgan’s story was healthy wholeness. I decided that we would never be able to tell that he was shunted; twice in fact he has two. Some of my family were frightened and fought with me as I disagreed with the medication protocol. I knew enough that I could question a lot of the things done in the hospital to my little new born. I was diligent in keeping tests to a minimum and keeping stress out of the room and allowing him to heal. I was fierce in this. It wasn’t about me or my popularity it was about my child healing with love and care and given a chance I would have had him out of there sooner but as it was I was strong enough to sleep sitting up in chairs or on the floor for the three weeks he was in the hospital…I knew to never leave him alone. We had 6 episodes through different stages of his growing up where he almost left us and we are still not out of the woods but today he is an adult, married, working and living a normal healthy life. Able to do most things and no one ever knows that he has a shunt. I know that for me as his mother as a young girl when my child was in crisis I saw that I had a choice. I saw that I could succumb to opinion or I could hold him in wholeness, simple. I say this not negating expertise but knowing that inside expertise is a huge unknown. I grabbed that space and made it ours made it the place where possibilities could occur. I think in every aspect of life we have that room that universe of potential that most educated experts can’t control or know about. Some say it’s miraculous I say it’s less miracle and more of a normal state of being. If we blindly accept everything the “experts” tell us as gospel instead of feeling inside our own hearts it’s no wonder we have grief and tragedy. On the other hand I say listen and be still and the answers come and sometimes it is to be feeble and disabled…and sometimes it is not. In our case it was wholeness and health against the odds. Amen.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Slave Quarters and Mad Men

First of all thank you everyone who is missing my presence on FB . I send love although I must confess I don’t miss it as far as its time suck but I do like the convenience of knowing everything about everyone. Not coming back to it though it feels amazing to rebel against 500 million users. It does creep me out I feel as if I am being herded into a matrix that could at a moment’s notice turn sinister. Last night I dreamt about two different groups of people one was from Israel and the other a Muslim mix each was seemingly peaceful together they shared an area that was neutral. In this dream while one group (they didn’t integrate) was busy watching a show being performed the other was preparing to slaughter them as they left the venue. So in my dream was a tension. Word reached the group inside the theater and they waited. While the ambushing group waited everyone was forced to think about their stance. Each group was holding a hard line and they had to think about it before any action occurred. I woke up before the battle or lack thereof happened. I hope it never happened. I liked the standoff and feel it represents something, maybe how silly each of our so called beliefs is when it separates us from each other, maybe. Meanwhile I woke up and read about plantations in the south and how the owners are whitewashing the history of slaves in order to make their property less malevolent and evil and or soiled by historical rape and brutality. Which is like saying Nazi Germany was a paradise for Jews, which we all know (some) that it was the opposite, it was murder? So there it is the south wants to say it was a peaceful time one that was benevolent to persons of color. More insult to unspeakable injury. I think we are foolish and entering dangerous territory when we allow anyone to forget or white wash behaviors. I don’t support continuous torturous memory but I think try and present history as close to truth as possible. Because for the future generations it is important NOT to repeat the crimes! I confess I cannot watch the show “Madmen” because I know the sixties were unkind to my people that we had to march and fight for basic rights. I get why people are fascinated by the clothes and the martini lunches and the cigarette smoking all I see is lack of integration. I feel oppression which I don’t ever want glamorized and I think no matter how hard Hollywood tries that show is intrinsically wrong and won’t be a big hit. Why? Because if it gave equal time to what was also going on during those martini lunches and showed how out of whack it was in the late fifties early 60’s it would be fitting and it would be cautionary. The show doesn’t do this instead it focuses on the lives of the privileged and it glamorizing (yet again) a darker more disturbing period. I think this insensitive. We are desensitized to each other and the world and it is expensive and it is dangerous. That hurts.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The coolest thing

The coolest and yet disturbing thing has happened. I have had multiple requests to rejoin Facebook. Now I am thrilled and touched that my humble presence has meant so much to a few, but nonetheless, I am thrilled to have regained so much free time which has been filled with other events and duties. I do miss the global community and how connected I felt but I don’t miss the concept the EVERYTHING is sold to a third and fourth party for their profit and it is. Doesn’t that just give you the willies? It does me…meanwhile I have loved the freed up time and have been accomplishing much. Still I get the pain the lack of silliness and maybe not so silly threads that would occur on my page it was at time rather thrilling, informative and touching. I must be strong though and build a site where if people want can come and share and we can do the thing one does when we are connected, connect.
Life is discovery and I have discovered that we love each other as a rule…that’s heartening.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


Listening to people comment about race recently whether it is Whoopie explaining that she has good radar for deciphering racial slurs and racists or CNN taking a “Race poll” on television asking the audience if race is still a hot button issue. Yes, race as an issue is more alive and divisive now then say in the 1960’s. I find it fascinating that people who are intelligent and educated still seem to forget that we just got the right, we as in (African Americans) to vote with a modicum of safety. I mean we did get the vote in the 1860’s legally but the actual ability to vote didn’t truly kick in till the civil rights movement. Thank you MLK, I still get the shivers when I think about what he gave us in devoting his life to the cause. I am not sure I have it in me to be that big hearted to lead a movement that dangerous and all that demonstrating and THE march? Amazing sacrifices in fact I know he knew almost with certainty that he will be hurt even killed. Would I devote my time at the sacrifice of all to help millions? I am not sure I have that kind of character. I would have to really think about it. Mind you all of my life I have in small and large ways helped people. So it may be a silly question…if given an opportunity to be of huge assistance to mankind would I? Probably, yet I will have to wait and see if it comes up. So back to the ridiculousness of color and social inequities, my BFF Michelle never likes it when I talk about how horrid Hollywood is in developing good juicy roles that are front and center for women of color and age(me). She thinks I am being a baby and whiny when I kvetch about the lack of opportunity in the media. I still stand firm on my assessment. Hollywood is white and it only takes one sweeping glance at the audience during the Oscars to prove my point. When the audience is diversified like a bouquet of exotic flowers let’s talk. Till then “shut up” its white all the way just look at the shows on television current and coming up. I see more blond haired blue eyed damsels in distress in new upcoming programming…I know on the cable networks there are a few color exceptions or the new JJ Abrams show which looks stretched and lame since when does a women who must be an adult only she looks to be 12 years old posturing (is it believable?) as a spy who is married and having difficulties? Okay I may be bitter woman (of a certain vintage) who is becoming boring, okay I am boring myself complaining about the lack of anything even if it be true. Still RACE is an issue and Obama’s presidency has enlightened us to its very big persistent presence in our world and culture. Rap music and sports have leveled the playing field a lot in the minds of the young and hip but not in the elite corridors of wealth and power. That is still the domain of very white people, but maybe it is changing and maybe they will begin to see diversification for what it can do in the positive? Maybe? I know I am eager to see race be a non issue I have spent my entire career trying to be a human being and less a racial character some moments I have succeeded yet I think my biggest stumbling block was and is thinking like a Spike Lee. He came up and blocked me (attacked me in the press) because let’s face it some of the most racists people are ethnic and losing that currency is a challenge to ones very identity. We believe we are a race that that is the sum total of which we are. It’s a part a big part but to me not the totality of whom I am, please. Isn’t that the deal isn’t racism a sickness? A big fear induced malaise that promotes hate? I think so…and defendedness a stance that never brings peace? I think so…so can we get over it? I think so.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Mel Gibson

Listening to the raging Mel Gibson as he freaks out and sounds so pathetic and confused and hurt and obviously betrayed it really makes me sad for all. The women who he is threatening and with whom he has had a baby with and him, Mel Gibson someone who has accomplished a lot in his career. I think he is a fine actor and director who obviously has so much energy and talent and grief and mental anguish and hurt and deep psychological wounds. So here it is in the age of electronics where everyone should take note because everything is being filmed by everyone and nothing is sacred or private really. I hurt for everyone I hurt because it is once again a case of being too famous and rich and to get help where help is needed. I am not defending Mel at all in fact I have always kept a distance and have met him before but for whatever reason didn’t make it a point to be friendly not for any reason but gut instinct. There are people who one doesn’t have chemistry with. I am sad for Jodie Foster because she has just directed a film with him that could be wonderful but will not have much chance because it is tainted by his out of control behaviors. I am sad for the mother Oksana regardless of whether she is a gold digger or whatever she is being abused and no one should be struck and abused verbally or otherwise. I am sad for his entire family all of his children nothing is more heart breaking than watching our father go to hell, by losing it. Sad all of it all around, no one is supposed to be perfect but we demand it of celebrity. I am certain there isn’t a place for Mel to hide where he can face what ails him without feeling horrid and exposed. We need to lose our minds to find ourselves this is the road to mental health, to spiritual health. Listening to the private conversation where he loses it on her isn’t pretty and I couldn’t complete the task. It hurts all too much. Money can corrupt and so can celebrity and in this case Mel needs deep work not just rehab. He needs spiritual help not just the bible or Catholicism. He needs to begin again and find the place that isn’t run by ego. He needs deep strong forces and guidance and I am not certain he will get it. He was right when he yelled I need a real woman and I can tell he longs for true contact and it isn’t easy to find the soul. It isn’t easy to find the divine within. We can’t find it by torturing those who have disappointed and we can’t find it in Hollywood. I pray for everyone the world over who has lost their way…and I have perfect confidence they will find themselves and their powerful loving source. We all do it just takes a lot of humility and commitment and great strong guidance. Good luck.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The big disservice

Reading about the fabulous fiscal surplus Bill Clinton created while in office reminded me what it felt like in this country to be financially on top. It was a comforting feeling one I think only the Chinese would know about today. I remember how astounded I was and proud of his administration when they balanced the budget. I knew in my heart it could be done. Impossible can be done. Today after the exact opposite occurred during Bush Jr.’s administration under the guidance of the Evil Mr. Rove who apparently finds it okay to blame Obama for our current financial night mare that is our humungous deficit. I find it fascinating and scary how quickly the conservative right aka’ the Republicans suffer from amnesia when it comes to who did what to whom. I am certain given a chance it would only get way worse had Mc Cain won; God forbid. Recently my friend Chris asked me why we cannot pull out of Afghanistan and I explained that it is impossible because of Pakistan Nuclear threat and that the terrorists are positioned inside Pakistan to take over that country if allowed and then they will be armed in a way we would not like. So Afghanistan is a staging place, a base we continue to support and occupy to be closer to THAT hot mess. Also it is interesting how the press doesn’t cover the events exactly or that they leave out details that we in the public have to dig up and discover on our own. Imagine if we had the current press corp. during Watergate? It would not have been uncovered. Tricky dick would have gotten away with it. So today we are at a disadvantage because the media cannot be trusted to cover the events as it happens they are addicted to access and have to pander to the player involved in order to maintain media access. You understand? It’s an inbuilt lack of integrity and so facts are excluded bylines distorted and we the public get screwed. Many of my right wing “nuts” listen to the talk radio bigots religiously and then they like to share their fears always excluding that Bush and Rove and Cheney hand fed us to the bad guys by weakening our entire financial structure as they bum rushed us into a fantastically expensive fake war, Iraq. Today we are less safe than we ever were, although I do know that the Clinton administration ignored the terrorist threats that culminated in 9/11 it took Condi Rice to insure that they would also ignore the threats too and look what happened. So in fairness the hubris started before Bush as far as taking the threats seriously. So all the finger pointing going on isn’t helpful and when we can separate the racial fear mongering and call it what it is; bigotry compared to what is happening in America with actual factual events (we are doing amazingly well considering our recession) then we can look at life in America and decide what the story is truly. Till then it is so insulting. If I hear another idiot complain about the Blackification of America, I will go postal! Look at our culture. When I see more black faces in media content as leads, representing American life until our representation in all media reaches at least 30% than we’ll talk. Yet, even then it wouldn’t be enough. We make up less than 1% of starring roles in Hollywood so really people, is Obama nation taking place? Has the black become the ruling class today? NO! Especially if it were measured in finances, job opportunities or equality and or power of any kind, let alone media content. Media hasn’t caught up with reality in America we don’t inhabit 13% of content, I would know. Oh the distances we have yet to traverse. What is it? Is it malaise? Cultural, political, global? Perhaps like the tragedy in the Gulf we suffer from gooey, toxic muck, in our "thinking". Gawd help us.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Good Hair

I just watched “Good Hair” a documentary made by Chris Rock about Black women and their hair. Being graced with mixed chick hair which is a hybrid of the best of both black and white hair I have always flaunted and underappreciated my locks. Duality at its best, because growing up my mother would compare our nappy just out of bed hair to a “sheep’s behind” which from a child’s perspective is rightly disgusting, matted and full of shit! Now as an adult who is of a fine vintage (older) whose hair has started to thin and yet is still stunning by “good hair” terms I never fully got(understood) how blessed I am, till tonight. I get to be athletic and wild and wet and full throttle knowing if it (my hair) gets wet, I will survive in terms of good looks, because by the time it dries my "good hair" will “naturally” behave. It will flounce back into something pretty.
This is HUGE. This is the difference...being chosen. I kid when I write this I am no more chosen then the most nappy headed women but by social pressures I am just damn lucky. Lucky because I don't spend any money making my hair do weird stuff just to be pretty. I luckily don't have to have foreign hair on my head either. It feels like a nasty stinky sweater that is sewn into tight painful corn rows. Torture that is expensive and itchy. In fact I used to torture it with weaves and chemicals and straightening devices that were medieval. Today I am not so stupid or vain or driven to be “white “stylistically. I am not white and I will never be white and I have lost the race trying to be. Having said this I get to be me and it’s been pretty fabulous and I have been blessed by “good hair” or hair that isn’t too much expense or hassle. I will occasionally bump it with some smoother curls with my curling iron. Yes, I do curl my curly hair so that some of my curls fall the way I want but as a rule or compared with most women of color or not of color my hair is easy and free swinging, and inexpensive, Oooh la la.
I guess I should thank the lucky star I was born under. I will right now…Thank you hair genie! Once when I was visiting a friend who was working with Victoria Secret, I joined him at an editing session with the head honchos and I had decided to straighten for the day my hair. Sitting there an executive, who was a woman not so subtly, ran her hands through my hair to see if I had tracks, she tried to play it off that she was checking for texture, but that bitch was looking for tracks and I knew it. It was like being called the N word. I was appalled and immediately disliked her and found myself leaving the room miffed and exploited. Still I had pleasure knowing she didn’t find one single track. I was au natural…

One day I may be bald who knows? Life has a fabulous way of testing us. We never do know what will happen. I will wear my head as proudly as I wear this full head of luscious curls. I tell you I tried to wear my gray (lots of it) but everyone including myself thought I looked tired. Ha…I did I looked very tired and it sort of looked fake. So that transition will have to wait maybe my sixtieth Birthday or something. Till then I will parade my locks as close to natural as possible excluding my coloring the grey out (not so natural) and I will thank my lucky stars for being graced with this hair. It has been kind and it has made my life very good. Crazy that hair can be such a hot topic. I pray every sister gets perspective and gets off the weave “pipe” and the chemical addiction (relaxer) I pray that we each embrace our nappy real gorgeous different self.
It’s uniquely us…to be so nappy and so different. It’s time to be naturally curly centric and happy about it.

Monday, June 21, 2010

My business, yours and Gods...

Speaking with one of my friends recently we were discussing a situation where a friend of his was suffering and preparing to do an intervention on her adult child. This man who was struggling with drugs and alcohol whilst still living at home and being supported by his parent, his mom, this man is 26 years old and getting drunk and high everyday and apparently the mother is done with it. I had an epiphany about it and far be it for me to know what is good for you and I apologize if I am about to offend anyone but in my universe I have been taught by (Byron Katie) that it is NOT our business what other people do to themselves, PERIOD. So it follows if the mom doesn’t want to witness the man (her adult child) doing what he does and if she doesn’t want to support him financially then she shouldn’t. She should stay in her business. BUT if she is guilty and feeling aware of her short comings as a person/mother then she is HOOKED in. It is collusion meaning the man who is addicted and doing his thing and the witness the mother who is enabling. Plus the truth be told nothing and no one can change us…we decide to get on with it and drop behaviors in favor of more productive ones or NOT. This is key. Nothing inspires a deep transition then self consciousness an “ah ha” moment the instantaneous realization that this is YOUR life so live it YOUR way not for anything else or anyone! If this mother really and truly loved herself and her child she would address her own issues first which let’s face it are many or at least as much and as messed up as the man child she is enabling. Plus guilt will enslave us. It will bring a reign of terror into our lives that don’t really need to exist. Most of us don’t realize that we don’t have to love our children or be loved by them. Most of us don’t embrace the unknown; most of us don’t know how to say help. Most of us don’t know how to admit they are helpless and miserable about it. We just don’t have that go to humility. Our social network doesn’t support it. Tough love is bogus. What is needed is self realization, understanding of our own truths and love. When we can step out of others business and delve into our own story and get clarity here, we always and I mean it, we always see the way to go! The way is clear and the right attitude and action presents, its divine and its grace. Because we see our part in the picture and we see where we are out of our circle of influence. Someone did a major disservice when describing parenthood. Someone said we have to love our children no matter what and they said we have to be perfect parents. It’s not true. We can be imperfect and be perfect within that and we cannot love our own flesh and blood and we can stop the co dependence and get real and honest with OURSELVES. We can grow up.
I am not an expert but I notice when I am clear about my motives and I am fluent in my business I see the world as perfect and balanced. I don’t see addiction or another’s imperfection, no. I am fluent in love and trust in “what is”. When people are working drugs and alcohol who are you or me to say what is right for them? Including death…how are we to presume we know what is best for another especially if they are adults. We in the west don’t understand what a “walk about” is. A “walk about” is the souls need to get off the grid. To stop functioning like everyone else, until we as a society own up to this spiritual non religious need we will never ever understand addiction and the soul’s sickness. We will fail those we could be holding in love and light and understanding as they find their way, their way. This is big stuff.
As Byron katie says there are only three types of business; Mine,yours and Gods. Stay in yours and let others work it out on their own.
This is life, lived with love.