Monday, June 21, 2010

My business, yours and Gods...

Speaking with one of my friends recently we were discussing a situation where a friend of his was suffering and preparing to do an intervention on her adult child. This man who was struggling with drugs and alcohol whilst still living at home and being supported by his parent, his mom, this man is 26 years old and getting drunk and high everyday and apparently the mother is done with it. I had an epiphany about it and far be it for me to know what is good for you and I apologize if I am about to offend anyone but in my universe I have been taught by (Byron Katie) that it is NOT our business what other people do to themselves, PERIOD. So it follows if the mom doesn’t want to witness the man (her adult child) doing what he does and if she doesn’t want to support him financially then she shouldn’t. She should stay in her business. BUT if she is guilty and feeling aware of her short comings as a person/mother then she is HOOKED in. It is collusion meaning the man who is addicted and doing his thing and the witness the mother who is enabling. Plus the truth be told nothing and no one can change us…we decide to get on with it and drop behaviors in favor of more productive ones or NOT. This is key. Nothing inspires a deep transition then self consciousness an “ah ha” moment the instantaneous realization that this is YOUR life so live it YOUR way not for anything else or anyone! If this mother really and truly loved herself and her child she would address her own issues first which let’s face it are many or at least as much and as messed up as the man child she is enabling. Plus guilt will enslave us. It will bring a reign of terror into our lives that don’t really need to exist. Most of us don’t realize that we don’t have to love our children or be loved by them. Most of us don’t embrace the unknown; most of us don’t know how to say help. Most of us don’t know how to admit they are helpless and miserable about it. We just don’t have that go to humility. Our social network doesn’t support it. Tough love is bogus. What is needed is self realization, understanding of our own truths and love. When we can step out of others business and delve into our own story and get clarity here, we always and I mean it, we always see the way to go! The way is clear and the right attitude and action presents, its divine and its grace. Because we see our part in the picture and we see where we are out of our circle of influence. Someone did a major disservice when describing parenthood. Someone said we have to love our children no matter what and they said we have to be perfect parents. It’s not true. We can be imperfect and be perfect within that and we cannot love our own flesh and blood and we can stop the co dependence and get real and honest with OURSELVES. We can grow up.
I am not an expert but I notice when I am clear about my motives and I am fluent in my business I see the world as perfect and balanced. I don’t see addiction or another’s imperfection, no. I am fluent in love and trust in “what is”. When people are working drugs and alcohol who are you or me to say what is right for them? Including death…how are we to presume we know what is best for another especially if they are adults. We in the west don’t understand what a “walk about” is. A “walk about” is the souls need to get off the grid. To stop functioning like everyone else, until we as a society own up to this spiritual non religious need we will never ever understand addiction and the soul’s sickness. We will fail those we could be holding in love and light and understanding as they find their way, their way. This is big stuff.
As Byron katie says there are only three types of business; Mine,yours and Gods. Stay in yours and let others work it out on their own.
This is life, lived with love.

7 comments:

frenchwoman said...

Tu as tout à fait raison Rae même si cela est difficile à entendre par certaine personns malheureusement ce sont ces mêmes personnes qui attendent tous des autres...

glt said...

It almost sounds loveless..I have always believed the parent is forever responsible for their offspring...YOU "made love" and the damned kid! You make it and you stand by it forever...like a painting! NEVER ever forsake your offspring!...you are responsible for their life until death, at least. They need real love.

Rae Dawn Chong said...

Well is it loveless to move aside and allow them/ us to make our own choices especially if we are adult children? Is that considered love to be INVOLVED with their business? I think not, I think it a form of incest, emotional incest to be so involved especially if we are talking ADULTS here.

People forget boundries...

glt said...

I don't like boundries to be generally defined. Each relationship will define it's own special ones. I dunno, I'm getting really mixed messages in this note, Rd. I consider everybody and everything my business because of the "butterfly effect". Like when a butterfly flies into the face on a truck driver hauling nuclear weapons and he crashes off a cliff, and starts a world war, or at least a cold world war. On a personal level, you (and Byron?) seem to be self-contradictory to a degree. I don't have children, but have had pets who I MADE dependent on me to the point where they could not function without me or another caring human. Tough love for the hardcore user and manipulator who does no good at all for the world might be the only way to go...but tough love for a simple soul who does good but can't follow the beaten path REALLY SUCKS!!! I think the writing here is unclear as to where you stand. Involved in whatever support is necessary for a good honest and progressive soul I think is required. These few cannot be ignored because the mass of souls seem so worthless. LOVE! and PEACE!

Rae Dawn Chong said...

GLT its late and I will look at your response soon...I have been crazy busy of late. To call boundaries unloving is UNLOVING.

No one said we don't love we just don't assume we know whats best for anyone else. That's love darling through and through.

glt said...

I don't think I disagree with the essence of what you say. It's the word "boundries" that gives me cause to question...they seem so permanent and unchanging. I can't think of a good replacement word right now. I'm all for self-realization and self-dependence.

Hope you are busy with GOOD stuff!
xxxooo.

mario said...

had this happen last nite the gf questioning me bout the future 'dont i wanna buy property' 'dont u want this an that'...man blew up into a big fite wen i turned it around and said she was talking bout herself did'nt like that very much...haha

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