Speaking with one of my friends recently we were discussing a situation where a friend of his was suffering and preparing to do an intervention on her adult child. This man who was struggling with drugs and alcohol whilst still living at home and being supported by his parent, his mom, this man is 26 years old and getting drunk and high everyday and apparently the mother is done with it. I had an epiphany about it and far be it for me to know what is good for you and I apologize if I am about to offend anyone but in my universe I have been taught by (Byron Katie) that it is NOT our business what other people do to themselves, PERIOD. So it follows if the mom doesn’t want to witness the man (her adult child) doing what he does and if she doesn’t want to support him financially then she shouldn’t. She should stay in her business. BUT if she is guilty and feeling aware of her short comings as a person/mother then she is HOOKED in. It is collusion meaning the man who is addicted and doing his thing and the witness the mother who is enabling. Plus the truth be told nothing and no one can change us…we decide to get on with it and drop behaviors in favor of more productive ones or NOT. This is key. Nothing inspires a deep transition then self consciousness an “ah ha” moment the instantaneous realization that this is YOUR life so live it YOUR way not for anything else or anyone! If this mother really and truly loved herself and her child she would address her own issues first which let’s face it are many or at least as much and as messed up as the man child she is enabling. Plus guilt will enslave us. It will bring a reign of terror into our lives that don’t really need to exist. Most of us don’t realize that we don’t have to love our children or be loved by them. Most of us don’t embrace the unknown; most of us don’t know how to say help. Most of us don’t know how to admit they are helpless and miserable about it. We just don’t have that go to humility. Our social network doesn’t support it. Tough love is bogus. What is needed is self realization, understanding of our own truths and love. When we can step out of others business and delve into our own story and get clarity here, we always and I mean it, we always see the way to go! The way is clear and the right attitude and action presents, its divine and its grace. Because we see our part in the picture and we see where we are out of our circle of influence. Someone did a major disservice when describing parenthood. Someone said we have to love our children no matter what and they said we have to be perfect parents. It’s not true. We can be imperfect and be perfect within that and we cannot love our own flesh and blood and we can stop the co dependence and get real and honest with OURSELVES. We can grow up.
I am not an expert but I notice when I am clear about my motives and I am fluent in my business I see the world as perfect and balanced. I don’t see addiction or another’s imperfection, no. I am fluent in love and trust in “what is”. When people are working drugs and alcohol who are you or me to say what is right for them? Including death…how are we to presume we know what is best for another especially if they are adults. We in the west don’t understand what a “walk about” is. A “walk about” is the souls need to get off the grid. To stop functioning like everyone else, until we as a society own up to this spiritual non religious need we will never ever understand addiction and the soul’s sickness. We will fail those we could be holding in love and light and understanding as they find their way, their way. This is big stuff.
As Byron katie says there are only three types of business; Mine,yours and Gods. Stay in yours and let others work it out on their own.
This is life, lived with love.