Sunday, June 20, 2010


Fathers like mothers have a tough road to hoe. Massive expectation and no hand guide to help one along. It’s all flying blind or so it seems. My dad has mainly been a source of extremes either joy or misery. He has only recently been holding in an even pattern around tolerable and a bit lovable too. I think it has to do with his age he is OLD now and still trying to stir stuff up and doing a fine job no doubt and gawd knows we differ in what we perceive has say honesty or allowable but he is my only Father and I must appreciate what I have manifested. My Father taught me to be a cool daddy expert. I have spent my childhood collecting people, men to watch over me. So when my Father was lacking I made sure Bernie Bergman picked up the slack for instance. Boyfriend’s fathers have done a fine jobs for the time I have spent within the fold of their families. I consider my life blessed with these caring dynamic men who taught me that I was right in my unmet demands and who showed me how to love and care for children and that I wasn’t wrong in my desire and my sadness’s and pain for what was lacking in my childhood. I also realized that men who are raised predominantly by women miss out on a lot. So when I had my boy I was set on a path to make sure I could balance his parental input so he had a fighting chance. I know it is important for men to be seen and witnessed and loved and carried by other male figures, in a spots centric or adventurous way. Not in an unhealthy (drinking and prostitution) setting but in a productive way that will allow growth and strength to be nurtured. So I succeeded and my boy has done pretty well to say the least. My Father had some amazing sweet parents who did the best they could and today I see their influence and I miss them. Yet I see where he missed out too. So if given a chance and you happen to be a parent of a boy child please commit to understanding everything you can about the boys journey. Please step aside if you are a women so the child can grow up and out from under your metaphorical skirts. Please let the boy child see and find his wings so to speak.
A hovering over protective mother does not make an autonomous healthy boy, no. It is the mother who knows when to step aside (13 yrs old) and allow others to help shape her son into a man provided it is a trustworthy environment one she has thoroughly vetted before entrusting her child to them/it.
In a safe environment,that is challenging and fun our boy children can become men, and that is the ultimate goal.


Dwane T. said...

When I saw that you had a post on father's day, I actually got excited. I knew "this sister gets it". I was not disappointed. You wrote a touching, yet informative piece. Issues, and solutions. I love you for this... and so many other of your insights.

I was fortunate to have been able to give a "sermon" on fatherhoon, in the house of The Father, on Father's Day... and a young father joined the church. I'm not a preacher, just a man who has been a single father and knows the hard and how rewarding it is. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for your Father's Day wishes.

Rae Dawn Chong said...

Thank you Mr. D.T. I am here to serve.

glt said...

My mother and father both dismissed me as irrelevant at an early age. Their own lame measly lives meant so much more to real time for the kiddo...that little dude is dragging us down...we're all completely dif... Har!

Suzi from Ojai said...

I am also the Mother of a Son. He's 24 now. He hasn't seen his Father since he was 12 and that was such a critical age for him not to have a Father. Through the Ojai Youth Foundation he found a Mentor who was Amazing and was there for him through the age of 18. He also joined a local Church on his own when he turned 12 and the Men were good influences for him at that age. I do see some of my single female friends who don't want to let go of their sons (almost like they are little husbands) and thus the sons feel like they should be! It isn't healthy, they do need good Male influences especially in their younger years! God Bless the Men and Mentors who step up to help out.