Driving down the road on my way to do errands I noticed I was calm and happy. There was/ is something wonderful about doing little chores, little things like going to the bank, post office, market. It thrills me as much or more then say a glamorous event. Oh sure those are lots of fun too but the other day I had an incredible sense of being a normal person, a regular person and it felt gloriously real. I felt 100% in my body and happy to be where I was and I could feel and see my connection to everyone around me; I am a regular joe.
All of my life I have strived ,demanded, needed, insisted on being special because it filled up the empty space in my heart for a moment.
This need was ummet in my "story" of my life and so my specialness filled it temporarily, this is treacherous territory. Almost like doing drugs it is fabulous when it first hits you and then it begins to wear off and then where are you? Despair, we get plunged into despair.
There is a long list of "to do's" I have yet to accomplish and I know I will never get it all done. Yet driving down the road and realizing I was a normal person doing wonderful mundane things and loving it made me the happiest I have ever been.
It is important to me to actually feel real. When we are immersed in any form of celebrity even if it is in our own mind it is at great expense. The cost is separation, it's lonely, its tricky to find ones true north, ones bearings.
To allow life to carry me and enter it without the story of "specialness" is divine comforting, fun!
It is a blessing to do errands and be real and simple and just a person with out the hoopla, without the noise.