Thursday, May 21, 2009

Boy

Years ago when I was a teenager and had escaped family home . I found solace living on my own in a shitty apartment in Beverly Hills. Back then I resembled a boy. I was a short haired shapeless kid , I resembled a Moroccan boy . Still I was female and pretty, a mixed race Canadian girl. Thinking back on those days and my escapades I discovered a few things. I had sex with ( I would not call what I did dating) with men who were three times my age and if you ask me borderline gay. These were very famous men who were breaking the law and sleeping with a child me who resembled a boy. I was experimenting sexually, it was the seventies and foreplay was “hello my name is Rae Dawn”. The men where pathetic in that they were famous and old and would have sex with a child. It was basic for me they were famous and maybe sexy and or gorgeous even they had a nice house or great pot or fabulous conversation. I remember that the sex was never riveting or something I craved . No, it was the convenience and the comfort or the glamour of being in a Bentley or something like that. Each of these pedophiles had either girlfriends and or wives. I think I dabbled in famous men for long enough to know that most of the celebrity hunks were bi-sexual. I have decided this because if you see photo’s of me back in the day I was a boy, in looks only. I maintained friendships with my older lovers and sometimes I benefited from the contacts and sometimes it haunted me and bit me and opportunities didn’t come my way because I was so familiar and lets face it conquesting needs fresh blood. One of my lovers commented that he thought I was very,very smart and a great conversationalist and maybe I was but honestly I should have been studying and attending college and maintaining childhood for as long as humanly possible instead of running around Hollywood bed hopping and going to parties with my pack of girls. I don’t regret the exposure. I just think my time could have been spent in more productive ways. None of the fresh from NYC men and women soon to be studio heads ever helped my career not really. In fact as a note of caution ladies if you find yourself partying with a studio head I can promise you when they sober up the next day and remember you it won’t be in a good light it will be filled with disgust and remorse regardless if you were able to avoid having any sexual contact in fact the better you are at avoiding THAT the worse your luck will be because half the trouble comes from not putting out and the other half comes from giving it up. Lets face it , it’s a witch burning anyway you slice it. For a moment just look at the glee every one has had putting down Britney and Lyndsey when honestly every single one of these studio stiffs would have gone there With either girl at one point or another and chances are those two delightful hellcats rebuffed them. So when they have a bit too much or show up trashed or whatever they do there is happiness or general smugness and it hurts us all not just those two, all women, it really does.
There was a need to be free and grow up fast for me and Hollywood was ideal for that, it welcomed jail bait. I had fun being a brat cruising Sunset blvd. I am amazed it didn’t end tragic. I had an inner guidance that said “enough” when it really was. Plus, I love to travel and start fresh in remote places like say Canada or Woodstock NY. I think that wanderlust saved me from Los Angeles. Still, thinking back on those days, some very famous guys are pedophiles who swing both ways,even though my plumbing wasn't "gay" I looked like a young boy. Ha!

21 comments:

mario said...

any names ? no just kidding...admire ure honesty it's raw true and beautiful

glt said...

Wow, what a great book and movie that part of your life would make, tell-all or not... I very hard-pressed to think of one that really does that era justice. Maybe "Easy Rider" but that was a biker/drugger middle America perspective. I've always wondered why there hasn't been more cause it was such interesting liberal expansive times in this country still counter-acting the '50's father-knows-best american dream...some say the mid'60's - mid '70's was the golden age of movie making but the era has so been brushed under the rug. Pedophilia and cop mentality was not a huge deal then unless the kid was REAL young and non-consenting...But not just the sex part, I mean the whole attitude of hollywood or any city or town would be great to examine in that era in much more depth than has been done to my knowledge at least...

Great life you've had so far!!!
More more!

glt said...

Ah, life can appear seedy, Hollywood to the Catholic Church, and they are conflicting major influences...Your tale of Hollywood somehow seems more honest than the deep perversions of the sanctimonious pervs. After all, there was no non-consential cross-sex indoctrination like today everywhere
in the Philippines and Thailand to name two...

Why we can't just relax and love people without using them is beyond me to answer. I long for good pure old fashioned love---monogamous devotion to a singular soul...and sex has nothing to do with it...it's called making love.

Tony Bunn said...

Firstly, I must comment upon the striking nature of your post --- for it is imbued with an authority that not many others possess.

Secondly, you don't look like a little boy now ;0)! (I remember earlier pictures of you, and you didn't seem boyish to me.) However, in your post, you also didn't provide your age during the period of these encounters. How old were you, little used-to-be-boyish woman?

It seems that Spring must really be in the air, today. Just last night, I occasioned a post by Marika Dye on "approach" and the male's fear of direct address to a woman of interest; and now this one. Funny enough (or perhaps, not so), not long ago, she released a video segment on lack of self-love.

Interesting thing for me is to hear the various elements that contribute to women's sense of self-doubt, despite outward expressions of gifts of birth that would be considered as "beauty".

The inducements to sex are indeed different for the male and the female.

On pedophiles: indeed, there are more of them than one would imagine; and they're not ALL male.

Tony Bunn said...

Then too, in a sort of resonance with GLT's last statement, which directly preceded mine own, there's the interesting twist of how the predatory types in that environment turned you into one, if at least for a period of your life. It's not just physical illness that's transmitted through sexuality; as more spiritual ills (of all kinds) perhaps have their start through sexuality than through any other mechanism.

Strangely enough, there's always a question of "what's in it for me?" for both parties to sexual encounters, these days; one that goes far beyond the joy of the melding of spirits through true intercourse. Many women use sex as an inducement to marriage; and hence, control. Men use power as an inducement to sex; and hence, control --- and sex.

If you ask me, it would truly be a great thing if there were some system of providing true multi-level matches that would result in each of us finding the perfect mate. Just imagine the possibilities for societal productivity that would emerge from a populace that's simultaneously satisfied and energized; loving and feeling loved. Hmmmmm. It'll never happen. So, in the meantime, the best one can hope for is that one's experiences in the sexual realm lead to the betterment of the individual --- and do not provide the seeds for his or her self-destruction.

Interestingly enough, and sort of echoing your stated findings, there was a period in my youth during which there was no end to the advances (many of them quite threatening, others quite manipulative) that were made toward me by predatory males. Fortunately for me and my pyshe, I never acquiesced --- as for males, in particular, I think there's perhaps "no return" from such a position. However, even despite my fending off the freaks, I did start to wonder what it was in me that attracted them --- and for a period, extreme self-doubt set in. I now know that it was simply "life-force" radiating from within me; and such energy is just downright magnetic. Hope I've still got it :o).

Tony Bunn said...

Speaking from a Taoist perspective (that being mine own), there's SO MUCH to be gained from sexuality that is initiated from an honest spiritual basis; and there's SO MUCH to be lost from approaches that have their seeds in debasement.

I love discussions of such things. Can you tell?

glt said...

I'm with ya' here, Tony, on many counts---perhaps all. Your male predator magnet situation sounds
VERY similar to mine. I always thought it was because I come off as a sensitive sort who would not rebuff to harshly when advances failed... but truth is I don't really know why.

As to 'perfect' matches making a 'perfect' world, wonderful idea!
Perhaps you can put your genius to work designing a computer program that really works in that regard...trust me, eHarmony is a miserable attempt, but I hear they have some limited success even without reading into one's heart and soul! I'm sure someone is working on this already, perhaps including rigorous psyche testing and in depth astro charts, etc.

In the 60's we all listened to Zappa's Mothers a lot. I'm recalling the line "Only 13 and she knows how to nasty!" In my own crowd there was one 13 year old who looked and acted 19, and a 15 year old that just seemed desperate for loving attention...for my own part
I was careful not to cross the line of wielding power or control and treated both as worthy of honest respect, truth and love.

I have to run to an appointment, but this is a good topic still, Rae.

glt said...

Just recently a friend mentioned mentioned that she didn't like Leno because of the pedophilia jokes recurring in his monologues...hmmm?
I rarely watch him(prefer Letterman if any)but I'm put-off by his ageist cracks. Is that Hollywood still..and what about NY(Letterman)?

gotta go...

BC boy said...

RDC, Mario said it. WOW how candid. I guess we all felt that hollywood was like that, and we hear the stories, even up here in Canada. To bad I never had more time to show you what I thought was cool here in BC. To connect and ground you in those early years. Having read your "confession" I can say that it seems as tho you have come through it well. Forge on Girl!!! I know how tough the world is for women...you may remember my mom Ethel, she was a long haul trucker like your grandpa (Stan), and she had to "duke it out" with the men to be respected, and she won too. 30 years truckin'. I missed alot of time with her while she was on the road, so I had to do my own thing too at an early age. I can realte.
How honest of you! Thanks for sharing!
Wes

BC boy said...

Hey RDC why live in New Hamp?
BC is the place to be, this west coast town gonna set you free....
Going to toronto to visit wifes kin. I wonder if NH is like southern Ontario. I think ONT is beautiful as is wisconsin and illinois.

BC boy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
glt said...

When it say's "This post has been removed by the author" it's confusing and insufficient information. It should read "...the author of the note.", OR "...IT'S author." I think it means the latter, but then why even mention it?

Miss you on fb, Rd. :-(

Secret Ramblings said...

Rae - we have more in common than I thought. I'm glad you made it out - as you are correct, it could have ended poorly.

Frankly, I feel blessed I wasn't infected with the AIDs virus while doing my stint in Hollywood back in the early 80's - and fun, innocent age of 16.

Sherry

Lisa Wilkins-Pirika said...

So this is where everyone is?? I leave for a while....and everything changes!!

What has not changed...is how much I love your writing Rae Dawn, and this one is a pearler!!
As Mario said...HONESTY....and I admire it too. I understand completely, and have similar experiences to have processed.
I really did miss the deep thinking that ensues, when I read your notes...and the resulting comments :o)

Dwacon® said...

What is the statute of limitations?

Tony Bunn said...

Rae and Sherry, not only is it a blessing that you both made it through to the sunny side of life, the blessing's redoubled by the fact that the current moment finds you feeling comfortable enough to be open and honest about your experiences. These days, things are a lot more dangerous than they were when we were younger. Your candid reflections might ultimately save the life of some younger individual who finds herself (or himself) in a confusing place, one in which sexuality is used as a weapon of selfishness by some other poor soul, one who is weak of character (and who should know and do better).

Rae Dawn Chong said...

Thank you everyone especially TB you know there isn't a statue of limitation and I woudl love to say I was a victim I wasn't and I accept my part in my life and all that has occurred. I hope my life and experiences are cautionary without being too indulgent or maudalin I was a bit fast to say the least, a lolita that was young in age and old in wanting to grow up fast. It was all worth it, just so I can write about it, NOW. Obviously some damage but nothing irreversable. Welcome to the new to this blog.

cee said...
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cee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cee said...

You were victimize and you knew it at the time only it did not feel like it, they would have denied it had it been publicised. And the lane that you traveled in was the "fast" lane to get to where you are. But none the less the people involved deserve no metal in helping you get there either, by obliging you. But I guess alot goes on in those Hollywood and surrounding hills with show biz people, but ordinary people are not exempt. I tried to have my tryst at a young age too, but Madear got wind of it and beat the stuffin outta me. There are statute of limitations, most people just don't realize it and enforce it. A classmate of mine went to jail for having sex with a 16 year old she told him she was 20...he was 46.

glt said...

I don't believe it should be a "blanket" law like it is.
Some young teens are very capable
intelligent and rational consent.
Most 'older' men are not harmful.
People shouldn't be judged on age alone...it's unconstitutional and ageistic. A lot of the mental 'damage' from sex crimes has it's source in the strict puritanical values of this country's masses...which in my opinion only serve to keep us down---in many more ways than one!

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