Growing up I could list in long colorful details everything I felt was done to me by my Dad. As if he was supposed to be this tower of perfection the redefinition of Fatherhood. I was so upset that I had this guy as my Dad and yet I adored him like mad. Still do, I miss him when I don’t see him and I am in agony when I do see him or hear about him and it’s something he has done some crime committed that just irks me just throws me off my game. If he wasn’t so important to me I wouldn’t hang on his every action as if it mattered. Someone once said to me when I had given my father a wide berth (years) of space. They said you will miss him when he goes (dies) more then you will know and it will haunt you so get over what ever you have between him and love him. I forgot to call him on his birthday and it has really caused him and me pain. In truth it was his pain of having to remind me that it was his birthday that I felt. It is one thing to hate a person for their very being but not mean it (I never did mean it) it is another thing to really see that in deed I do affect him and it is to the quick so to speak.
AGH… fathers why is it that it is this lightening rod of “stuff” of history and it is so meaningful?
I am deeply grateful Tommy Chong is my father . His behavior growing up and as recent as yesterday has shaped me. It has helped me see my own deep wounds and faults which are many. And he has taught me tolerance., I love this guy and his imperfections. He is THE BEST father for me and I love him.
Happy Birthday daddy you are a sweet spot in my heart, my delight… my beloved.