When I run my body sings and yells and screams and if I am unlucky I will listen and I will decide I need to switch to spinning or something less difficult. I miss the point when if I slow down and allow my self to find my more natural gait and speed. Slowing down I miss gliding through the protests into "The zone". If I can just make it past the protests I will do well and maybe enjoy the run and it will ease itself into something more say spiritual then drudgery. I never do I whimp out. I am afraid of pain. I was laughed at as a wee little athlete age 5, yes by my father for coming in dead last in a race. I still can hear his booming laughter and my shame for not being a "natural" runner and for losing. I am slow. Still I fancy I will discover my form and I will one day explode into a gorgeous natural free spirited runner. I hike and walk miles a day with my puppies, I know it's not the same as running. My dogs they run circles around me as I baby my joints and fear the screaming aches and pains this body has. I am afraid to hurt and feel nauseous and well I am afraid I will be last. Still I long for the wind in my hair kind of freedom. I long for the confidence that my legs will carry me through a series of lovely miles. Mileage my dream. I know I am a great runner if not good enough I just have to do it, one step at a time. I have to run to find "her" ....my next frontier. Finding that warrior athlete who is confident in her natural born gift.
Something new to look for...still I am afraid.