My Father just wrote a series of messages about my body gossiping that I am "Fat" and suggesting I do ads like Kirtsy Ally in weight watchers essentially comparing me to her. I have great respect for Kirsty Ally as a woman and as an actor recently I have deep sadness and compassion for her path, she must have a LOT to deal with. We let ourselves go. I am not tipping the scales anywhere near that. Yet to be thought of as that fat. I sit here in starbucks and feel my heart as it breaks. The sad crack of a broken heart. Wow.
I am kind of appreciating the searing sadness and feeling of absolute shock as I process the words, the message that he is telling me.
I disagree that I am "Fat" obviously and I understand why he is comparing me to the social skeletons of his tribe. Truly unless I have 7% body fat I am fat? Really dad? 21% is fat?
I am sad he is that "guy" that insensitive uncaring unintelligent man. This my dad. Is it any wonder as a child I had to deal with so much?
Wow...I just want to hug myself and say he is asleep and stupid and under a terrible spell.
Every bite I take in life will be with love. Every time from this moment forward I will step onto the tennis court and swing my racket will be with love and awareness. I think in some foggy corner of our minds we are so jealous and competitive we need to hurt people.
I think he is that way...wow.
I am not fat I may not be skinny but I am not fat.
I think my dad is mentally fat and mean and I hope he finds his heart and I hope it cracks open and he finds kindness.
We all can be cruel it's just devastating when we do it unconsciously.
I have a big day ahead of me just to regain my balance and self understanding and LOVE.
Fathers are powerful.