A White Christmas

This is a big subject that takes a lot of research to get the statistics right but I feel compelled to write about it as I finish the last chapters of the book by Isabel Wilkerson “The Great migration” if you haven’t had a look at it buy it and read it is a splendid journey. So I was thinking about how does one approach the subject of fairness and opportunity and the idea of what we interpret as a fair playing field without noticing that decade after decade since the first African set foot on these shores, that the opportunities have been almost nonexistent as far as the average everyday man and women looking for a peaceful safe place to live and good employment. How would others who were like the Jews but the far worse off African Americans have survived? Would they have ghetto’s like they did in Poland but still desperate and in full force today in every American city, would they resort to a life of crime to support a life addicted to drink and drugs because how much resistance and unfairness and debasing hatred can one man face? Honestly how would an average white American man survive say Jim Crow? How would the average white American man survive the unfairness and cronyism that exists keeping him out of any type of employment that would indeed lift him out of poverty? He would be in the exact ruin that the average African American man who is uneducated and possibly ghetto dwelling, post jail or worse a death curse, death before 30, this is what he faces today. So I say it is miraculous we have such a bright light in President Obama who is fighting the very system that has continued to keep us (who are blessed to be of color) down. What is the face of the billionaire? He is 50 plus white and entitled. How many Billionaires of color who are African American? I can think of two Oprah and Johnson from BET. There has to be a few more. This is out of hundreds and I think it is reflective of the unspoken cronyism, the racist radical, okay not all conservatives are racist maybe but I will say it; The racist radical conservative RIGHT. Yes Mr. Murdoch. Now as I think this I hear my friend Julie say nothing is viler then the smug liberal who fancies him or herself not racist but in fact is the worst kind. They are closeted in their racism…Okay so this lack of opportunity it bleeds over to woman and children this dominance but it is still so present and damaging and sadly difficult to see it changing either because it may be biological the survival of the fittest. Or so systemic it will take decades to shift. Go Occupiers! Finally in sports a sanctioned form of slavery where some athletes are compensated but not until they break free of the shackles of college football and ownership of NCAA where billions are made for a chosen few on the backs of talented majority African American athletes. Again another horrid imbalance of power sanctioned by institutions across America, when people hint that racism is dead, I laugh and say look to the street look into every corner of every American city and see the color of poverty, it is brown and it is female and it is children. Look at the faces of privilege, what color is it? It is White.
Tell me with a straight face that racism is dead…I think not. It is a gloomy message but the holidays bring it out of me because there is something systemically wrong about Victorian Christmas when so many are suffering. Peace.

Ouch!

It just occurred to me that this country the USA has a daddy fixation and it is expressed through the GOP race. We want a big cat to come and rescue the economy like magic. Just wrinkle their big daddy nose like bewitched and save us. Only the caveat is we cannot feel the effects of the newness. I know for fact that most mortals would not be able to do or be doing a good job(as the President) with this political climate or structure or deficit. Nonetheless we expect our president to do just that and I feel the deal with the devil (Newt Gingrich)that seems to be the GOP race will in fact present a threat to President Obama. Imagine a Newt world seriously just sit back and imagine the most racist divided weird world were all of us have to carry our passports to say visit Manhattan? Misery! I am going to say something I mean with my whole heart. I want all of the racist baby boomers to expire and open up the field so the younger generation can fix this mess. It is true we need a giant overhaul we need to exclude corporations from the process. Until that becomes the normal we will never see prosperity in this country because tax loop holes designed to protect corporations will prevent us from getting our fair share of taxes that support our programs that encourage our young and protect the old and needy so until those loop holes are closed we will never get out of the red. Pray for us.

Integration...at home.

Is it racism that is underneath the deep hate for Obama and maybe hate is a strong word, maybe its aversion? To what you ask? To his intelligence, his swagger, his soft stance, in his style or his passive aggressiveness where on the surface we think he is treading water but in fact he is rooting out dictators and despots being a ninja badass. Unlike his predecessor he is actually doing something to help us... I have a few friends who are staunch conservatives which is code for they don’t have any friends intimate friends of color who want fiscal prioritizing meaning profits at all costs who dislike this man in office because he is “other”. Now I hold faith that these people are possibly ignorant for fear of the new and I hold that one day we will each be more tolerant of the differences we each have. Till then I am amazed by the entrenched racism and how many of us are blatant in practicing it. Maybe I am a bigot against bigotry which isn’t good either. Still we have an economy to build up a country to help and love and support and it is important that it start at home in our smaller circle, it’s important that we examine our hearts. Do we have a diverse group of friends? Do we help others who need us by volunteering for the less fortunate? Are we quick to extend friendship where it isn’t going to benefit us? Do we fear the intelligent and the informed? I pray the conservative right can rescue themselves in morality and ethics and all things good because watching the run up to the GOP primary listening to the republican candidates makes me shudder in fear. I find myself holding “them” in judgment like I fear they hold us who are liberal and of “color” and who support Obama for another term.

Winter Solistice

Yesterday I was walking my two dogs both large breed sport dogs, Abby and Jeppe. We had almost finished our walk when we turned a corner to go home, after sprinting up a steep but small hill, there in a stand of bushy young pine trees that are approximately 12 feet tall hiding in the dense young trees was a young buck, a two pointer with a bright white tail and a full thick coat. Now I wasn’t expecting him or him us but my female shot ahead and was running after him as he bound and leapt above her head. When I realized that the noise wasn’t the two dogs but one chasing a deer I was lucky to see it. I looked up to full body view of the young two point buck leap over and away from us as my female gave chase for a moment. My male didn’t quite register what was happening because he had his head buried into the back of my body which he does occasionally as we run up the hills. He does this and it makes me think he is pushing me or helping me run up those hills because compared to them I am very slow. So by the time he registered the deer it was way too late. This buck looked like Santa’s and it made me realize that the creator of that myth did a good job in describing the way they move. This creature shot up in the air as if defying gravity it was thrilling for the milliseconds I saw it in front of me. Later that day I took the doggies out again they do need to walk as much as possible as do I. There in the same stand of trees or bushes was a creature, something big and I suspect it was our young buck. He is now our young buck and we like him. This must be his nest and it spooked when it heard us walk back there again. It was in the exact area of where we saw him earlier. We didn’t actually see it as it shot through the stand of trees down the hill in the opposite direction as we were going. It made me squeal as we obviously disturbed him. Now I am hooked and as we went further into the woods I saw females, three of them near the part of our park I call the low land. We have a park where I live that is made up of three attached parcels of land that make up a 60 acre wood and it is all ours. I walk in it every day and I love it and realize I am lucky to have a “park’ and boy do we know it. I get to relax and enjoy nature. I am happy to announce that we share it with a big beautiful buck, and more very healthy looking deer and I bet that is why I sometimes we see proof of hunters in my wood. We have a lot of deer so I support hunting with permits of course and conservative practices. Still I am delighted to imagine that our wood is home to many beautiful creatures and what a blessing it is to share this magical wood with them. No matter how frustrated and cranky or put upon I feel I smarten up when I remember my good fortune and I have a lot but what really jolted me was seeing that creature as it shot high into the air just above my head. It was as if winter was announced as being almost here.

Gratitude is rampant in my house!

Happy holidays to you and yours! May everyone enjoy love, patience, kindness and joy with a lot of laughter and exercise before, during and after the upcoming feast.
It has been the most entertaining election cycle and I have been watching it like a reality show. I cannot believe how many candidates have turned away from ethics and honestly any semblance of morality, instead they have thrown everything representing good character out the proverbial window to get elected President. I am certain this has been a huge teaching moment for America and I hope it will make the young people watching if they are watching learn how NOT to be.
I cannot believe I am going to say this but I completely agree with Ron Paul regarding the war on drugs. Thank you Mr. Paul for risking your election hopes by voicing the obvious; the war on drugs is a sham and a failure as large as the two wars we are still tangle up in.
Why oh why the republicans don’t give Huntsman more attention is baffling someone suggested he is too intelligent.
I know there are republicans who think and have intelligence, okay maybe it is just Dick Cheney and company that have brains, not true, I kid. Still this crop of characters running for office is shameful excluding Huntsman and someone needs to call them out with the flip flopping, the lies and the misinformation being spread.
Oh and please can’t they stop Norquist already, do you know he does standup comedy?
If you haven’t been watching the debates please do; they are fantastic I urge you to tune in if you want to see how it isn’t done how to sacrifice truth and how to blindly grasp at something at the expense of character.
Every once in a while I watch Fox news to see how they spin things and they do…in fairness MSNBC does the same although I do believe we on the left try to stay on point and in fact we do like truthiness…thank you Steve Corbert.
Life is good, be kind and make someone smile…love to you.

Monsters

What a weird tragic filled week of news and drama first I wanna focus on something Herman Cain’s wife said on the radio this morning about her husband and I quote: She said” Herman would have to be a split personality to have done the things he is accused of” I think she is speaking the truth in that part of her sentence and statement he is split a big wide split that makes sense when you watch and listen to him speak. Also when he speaks he blinks a lot which is a ‘tell’ that we know about in acting it is usually when we are lying and unsure of the territory we are going into we start to blink and cannot control it because it is born this insecurity from the deepest part of our consciousness that cannot tell a lie. Where even Psychotics cannot dupe that part of the cerebral cortex/limbic systems; Monsters don’t think they are a monster which is how they do the damage they do somewhere they see themselves as equal to or worse off than their victims like the pervert Jerry Sandusky. We as a society cannot grasp the depths of depravity people can go and so we deny its existence. Maybe this is a safe guard to defending against uncomfortable feelings but it excludes the most vulnerable of society women and children. I do believe Coach Paterno is guilty as an assessor to Sandusky’s crimes and therefore deserves to be brought up on charges. He protected himself at the expense of hurting severely children; Hitler like in its insensitivity. We are so lucky because two vital examples of monster hood have been outed and that is grace now it behooves us to punish the guilty fair and square.

Protecting institutions...

So the debate was highly entertaining but one thing struck me as extremely important regarding what the republicans are saying and what society seem to be saying; the rape and abuse of women and children is no big deal. So if this is the message I am deeply troubled and I think we have a lot of soul searching to do regarding the above.
I am hoping this is not the case but listening to Herman discuss and defend himself reminds me of the classic abuser who is in denial an there is the outside chance that his split personality may be real and he may not remember especially if it is under the influence of booze his actions. Still I am pretty certain just by the feelings I get in my gut he is guilty as charged.
That this coach defended and protected his program above the welfare of little boys like the Catholic Church and maybe more institutions of abuse is once again unforgivable and systemic.
That Arizona has prisons for profit that supported Richard Pearce who was just voted out of office who has direct ties to white supremacist groups who wrote the "papers please law" that targets ethnics especially Latino citizens and then you see the size of the populations in these prisons which are heavily tilted toward Latino and Black inmates I say HELLO! Close these places down and arrest these men and free the inmates who are not there for violent crimes but because they’re illegal’s? Let them go…where is the over sight?
Finally the people are speaking with their vote, Halleluiah. Still I am worried and don’t want to be smug regarding president Obama’s chances at re-election yet it is looking good for us. This country has a big ask yes job creation and the economy but we have moral and ethical issues too and I suggest we start with our ideas and beliefs regarding the violence toward women and children and then the prison population in Arizona and then I believe we need to outlaw prisons for profit it reeks of Jim Crow.
I can smell Dick Cheney in there call me crazy but something tells me this is his industry and if my memory serves me he invests in prisons for profit, of course he does.

Voting and early registration issues every where; please copy, paste and post...

This is a report written and compiled by Bev Harris; She give permission to copy and paste and post to all...so please spread the word.

By Bev Harris: Part 2A of a 5-part series on voter list data

There is still time to correct these problems by 2012. This story is not just about Shelby County, Tennessee, where I believe the elections commission is competently addressing these problems for 2012. Last-minute dumps of new voter registration forms was a national problem in 2008, and across America voters reported that when they showed up to vote, their name was missing from the list.

The 2008 presidential election brought millions of new voters to the polls, with enthusiasm especially high among youth and minority voters. Yet in Shelby County (the home of the great city of Memphis), over 15,000 voters, disproportionately young or Black voters, were omitted from the list of valid voters at the time of early voting; by Election Day, the names finally made it to the list.

These omissions correlate with an influx of last-minute voter registration forms. This study highlights the importance of third-party registration groups promptly submitting new registration forms. In some states, 48-hour submission is now a legal requirement, with somewhat draconian fines for failure to comply. Regardless of whether prompt submission is the law, it is important to emphasize the need to educate voter registration groups to promptly submit new registration forms. Like taking checks to the bank for your employer; like an insurance agent who must promptly submit forms for those he insures; like a real estate agent who has to submit bids immediately, voter registration groups have a fiduciary-like duty to the voter, who has every reason to believe they will be registered timely after signing forms and entrusting them to a responsible person.

In Memphis, approximately 30,000 new registration forms flowed in during the last five weeks before the 2008 presidential election. Only half of these made it onto the voter list by the start of early voting. Apparently, the number of new forms being submitted was greater than they could enter into the database on time.

OMISSION OF VALID VOTERS FROM "WHO CAN VOTE" LISTS

In 2008, Actor Tim Robbins showed up to vote in New York, and was told he was not on the list. After asserting his right to vote, his registration was eventually located and he was allowed to vote a normal ballot.(1)

Reports flowing in to Black Box Voting indicate that the "Tim Robbins" problem happened all over America. In fact, it happened right next to me. When I went to vote, the woman beside me was told she was not on the voter list. She was deaf, and the poll worker made no attempt to explain anything comprehensible to her, so I assisted. Instead of telling her to vote a provisional ballot, the poll worker told her to register and come back next year. After I asserted her right to vote a provisional ballot, the poll worker found her registration after all and she was allowed to vote a normal ballot.

*Registered voters who are told they are not on the voter list may vote a "provisional ballot", an important right, but provisionals are second-class ballots. Provisional ballots are examined after the election and if deemed legitimate, are counted. Unfortunately, poll worker errors sometimes cause these ballots to be rejected; also, poll workers sometimes fail to inform voters of their right to provisional ballots; and provisional ballots are not factored in to Election Night winner projections.

We have not been able to learn much about how these errors take place, or quantify how many people were left off the lists. Until now. I obtained 87 Shelby County voter lists from 2006 through 2010. Examining these lists reveals a staggering scope of voter list omissions. Two and a half percent -- 15,199 total voters -- were left off the early voting list. Of these, 9,080 weren't submitted until the last day of registration.

THE IMPORTANCE OF PUBLIC ACCOUNTING IN ELECTIONS

As a self-governing people, we have the right to authenticate the basic accounting in our own elections. The most essential parts of this accounting are:
1. Who can vote (the voter list)
2. Who did vote (the participating voter list)
3. Chain of custody
4. The count

Obstructions or inaccuracies in any of these four areas can create an unfair election. Inaccuracies in the voter list will certainly affect the count if valid voters cannot vote, and may affect the count if invalid voters can vote (I will quantify invalid votes for 2008 in Part B of this report).

WHY WERE VOTERS LEFT OFF THE LIST?

Voter lists show a "Registration Date." In Shelby County, the last day to register to vote for the 2008 presidential election was Oct. 6, 2008. The later the voter registration forms were submitted, the fewer voters made it on to the voter list at early voting:

Spidey sense...

Signing a pledge to never raise taxes ever at first sounds understandable but then again we have so many loopholes that keep corporations from paying their fair share of taxes never raising them or making corporation pay them sounds ultimately self destructive. This happens because they promise to hire people and build and keep large production facilities in some parts of the US but then again they haven’t always done that. No, in fact they take subsidies and don’t pay taxes and they move off shore…they lie. In fact they all have some part of the corporate hands in tax payers’ pockets and still the rich refuse to have taxes and loop holes made fair. No, seeking a balance, leveling the tax field because life isn’t fair. Someone asked me why middle or lower middle class elders the actually voting majority keep voting against their own interests? Their own issues? Good question in other words why do the poor and the middle class vote for no taxes for the rich and taxes for themselves and program cutting and Medicare cutting which directly affects them?
... A behavior scientist said because everyone dreams of being rich “someday” so they protect the American dream or what is sold to them as that. I wonder if Grover Norquist is breaking the law by making politicians sign pledges for their constituents; I don’t know. I am certain Obama has made huge mistakes but I still feel confident he is better than all of them combined. I also hope he can survive and usher us through another 4 years although I am certain most of don’t deserve his intelligent leadership because in a climate where dumb and dumbest is considered good and intelligence is considered elite we are in trouble. I don’t think being a country bumpkin who is uniformed is safe or smart or funny and I certainly don’t want that representing me in Washington with his hand anywhere near the “Football” I mean the nukes. So I am hoping and working hard to make sure we never have another debacle like Bush in office again and I am also hoping with all my spidey senses that we can impeach congress and make them suffer for hurting our economy and blocking the jobs bill. I think they all should be booted out of the halls of government TODAY! It is a cluster f*&k of the highest order up on the hill and I hope they pay like we have been as main stream or the street or the silent majority. Stay alert people stay alert!

What is our history, again?

So let me get this straight people like Pat Buchanan wax poetic about America's lost greatest as a past thing because when he was growing up and immigration wasn't an issue and white Anglo Saxon protestant and or Catholics outnumbered blacks or other ethnic races. Where as diversity in our population today according to his thesis marks the end of "The great White dominance"and the end of all things good, makes me think he is a bigot and has rose colored glasses because being from the ruling class insulated him to the oppression of the Jim Crow laws and other socioeconomic discrepancies. When I look at his thesis and I think of this countries history I see a woeful abuse of the underclass and horrible inequality not just racially but sexually as well. I think from the very first European foot fall onto these shores when it was 100% native Americans we have witnessed genocide. It is a matter of perspective what is good or bad, and yes to some integration is natural, it is a good thing that we evolve. So we now have begun to see the warmth of different cultures infiltrate America, it is a good thing. This isn't Europe or Scandinavia if you want to surrounded by that type, go there...but even they cannot escape the inevitable spread of pigment. Not that diversity is just epidermis, it is cultural too. I am delighted to imagine an America with more brown skinned folks of differing cultures, bring it on. For me being brown it is a blessing and I am delighted to protest anyone who claims it was better 40 years ago. It was very different and it wasn't good for anyone of color or for woman and everyone who laments those times as good times are racist sexist relics. America should be ashamed of its history of abuse toward people of color America should hang it's head in shame, especially in the south but the north has blood on its hands too. Right up to and past Rosa Parks refusal to go to the back of the bus. People who are not part of the 1 percent know what its like to feel left out. That is a good thing hopefully we can embrace our future of deep diversity for the wealth that it is and not lament a darker more inequitable past for its shamefulness and its inequality. When the first European settles arrived and tamed the savages it was a crime. Just because retribution has NOT been meted out for the initial genocide of early natives doesn't mean it won't be. Life is about balance and in the end America will most likely be predominantly brown skinned just like it was before first contact, because karma has patience.

Please spread the news!

A 5 year-Old Black Girl Disappears and No One Cares
Posted by Jacqueline Burt
on October 18, 2011 at 1:25 PM

Comments (486)|
Likes (48)

jhessye shockley
Missing 5-Year-Old Jhessye ShockleyThere are several striking similarities between the disappearances of 10-month-old baby Lisa Irwin and 5-year-old Jhessye Shockley. Both children are girls, both were last seen in their homes. Lisa has been missing for over a week, Jhessye has been missing for nearly a week. Police investigating both cases have been challenged by strings of dead-end tips and a lack of evidence in general. The mothers of both Lisa and Jhessye have made tearful televised pleas for their children's safe return.

Right about now you may be wondering why you haven't heard more about Jhessye Shockley, or maybe even why you haven't heard of her at all, when Lisa Irwin's story has been plastered all over the news.

The fact of the matter is, you probably haven't heard much about Jhessye Shockley because of the one striking difference between her and Lisa Irwin:

Lisa Irwin is white. Jhessye Shockley is black.

I know it's a hard and ugly truth to swallow, representative of a reality we don't want to believe exists anymore. But sadly, nothing else explains why the country is currently obsessed with finding Lisa Irwin and largely unaware that Jhessye Shockley is even lost.

We know everything there is to know about Lisa Irwin's mother, Deborah Bradley, from the details of her divorce to what she had to drink the night Lisa vanished. Meanwhile, Jhessye Shockley's mother was sentenced to eight years in prison in 2006 for "injury to a child" and deemed a "threat to the well-being of her children," and no one seems to know or care how or why she got out of jail early.

Jhessye's three siblings are now in the custody of Child Protective Services, while Lisa Irwin's two brothers are at home, being sheltered from the press.

The main thing, one might argue, is that both girls return home safely, not how much attention their individual cases get. But when it comes to missing children, often the higher profile a disappearance, the higher the likelihood that child will be found.

The situation is already tragic. Now it's tragically unjust.

Do you think Jhessye Shockley's race is the reason why she isn't getting as much attention as Lisa Irwin?

The rewrite

Is it me or are we in the weird age of saying something and then denying it publicly even though “statements” are filmed captured to be pulled up and displayed at will. So what I find fascinating is how public figures can blatantly deny intent when re-watching them shows that in fact they were not “joking” but it seems all of the current crop of republican candidates do it. Very strange lesson to be teaching our children if they are paying attention to the ramp up to the next election which something tells me they are not, so telling us the public that they meant one thing whilst it is obvious to anyone watching they certainly meant the opposite, when we can see plain as day what “they” mean. So this is what we are today in America, we rewrite immediate history. I dislike Herman Cain because he is a coward and ashamed of his heritage and a denier…everything he represents including his bully name of his pizza business spells “Asshole” to me. That he would go public and say Rosa Parks should have sat in the back of the bus knowing full well she was a catalyst to the most important movement in America that he said this is shameful. I mean the rev. Jefress is a bigot straight up and it is absolutely entertaining to see him implode Rick Perry chances and they are imploding. My father says Jefress looks like Warren Jeffs. He does another lunatic running a church instead of being locked up in an asylum. So we wait and watch the one candidate that is smart and hasn’t wavered or sold out to some cult is Huntsman and I have decided the one thing these Republicans hate is intelligence and Huntsman has it in spades and they hate him. Fascinating so in reality this country could go back to the challenged thinking that defined GW Bush tenure. I for one cannot imagine a worse scenario and I for one hope and am willing to work for another 4 for Obama. I know full well he isn’t perfect and they screwed some things up but at least he reads and is doing the best anyone would have done with brains. So we need him for 4 more and then we need to pray Hilary will run or Elizabeth warren and then again maybe this protesting will undo the whole shebang and we can reset and become a truly great nation instead of one on the brink of extinction. We have the ability to be true global leaders for the right things and sure it still beats China America but watching our political process grind to a halt because it is corrupt saddens me and I begin to feel like we do need a revolution and it isn’t one that is drunk with Biblical un-facts but a revolution that is pro-humanity and tolerance and dignity and intelligence. I know dream on…one can hope can’t I?

Bad Judgement

Why hasn’t the public or the courts arrested and tried Joe Jackson for terrorizing the family; crimes against Michael and his family? It is sleaze and money and influence that only this doctor is being called out. Joe was a pimp and used his children to get rich. Hello? This is a witch burning which is a waste of tax payer’s money when in truth it is the Father Joe Jackson who is guilty and should be in court for being an abusive task master who damaged his family irreparably. That we are wasting time on this Doctor both in the media and in court is lame. What is he guilty of really being greedy and maybe having questionable ethics etc…do we care and must he be tried for murder? How rich is it that Joe was the loudest one to bang the drum to get this guy in court ewwww. Someone please call Joe Jackson out. Watching a bit of the Martin Bashir documentary of MJ was sadder the second time. He was obviously so split. Shattered both as a human being and within his sexuality (straight/ gay) and it was obvious he had deep psychic scars. MJ was a brilliant show man a professional dance and song machine. Yet he suffered as well as his family, all of them from a long list of defensive coping mechanics. It is a truth that extreme abuse creates coping mechanisms. On the show with Bashir, Michael lists some of it (the abuse) and tries to diminish some of it too and it is obvious it was horrid. Just look at how secretive they are and weird the entire family every single one is damaged. I suppose watching this trial unfold and its wastefulness is another part of how we hold celebrity to a different standard than the average person and now we waste millions trying a man that the wealthy celebrity hired; a medical doctor to administer his drugs that eventually killed him. Seems cut and dry really, do we have to imagine that MJ wasn’t trying to destroy himself, is it a stretch? I am of the school that the only man who should be on trial is Joe the father who battered the boys into submission to fill his greasy pockets. It is shameful and this trial a gigantic waste.

Mama's and Papa's and you...

I have a theory if you are raised with a mother that is present and yet very powerful and demanding and tough and in ones business I wonder if it doesn’t predispose one to anorexia. Because in some cases (not all) the ability to control one’s body and appetite is a way to regain a sense of power, being creatures who long for a sense of self or autonomy unless damaged beyond hope. Recently I was reading about one such mother a tiger mom only she wasn’t Asian and her daughters were both recovering from Anorexia. Still if we are raised in an abandonment situation where mothering or parental influence is lacking or nonexistent then I think the opposite of anorexia holds. One is hungry all the time and food or drink or both is the go to expression and consequently being overweight. I wonder if this is a correlation to an eating disorder. I have to discipline myself and step away from the table and let’s face it I am not always successful and I didn’t have that Mother thing. I longed for both parents severely. Whereas I say this again I know not everyone conforms to a general theory such as this one I am presenting but I have a hunch I may be on to something. Now if you take a person who doesn’t have pressures that create disharmony in the childhood and life just burbles along and they are parented in a balanced way those people and they are precious or rare they have a pretty balanced relationship with food. It is a marvel as I meet people in my travels who describe their backgrounds as simple or sweet and drama free they have an easy go with food. These people just relax and enjoy it but don’t fret and or get compulsive. So if you are a parent and have little ones be careful to manage your states and energetic vibration so they can have a chance and be healthier when it comes to their bodies…please.

Simply put

It is heartening to hear some of the Democratic politico’s discuss their horror over the raw jubilation the GOP party had recently at a debate when the audience erupted in applause over the death of an uninsured man, the man died of an impacted wisdom tooth infection. It also is important to note that it makes all of us more aware of where in our thinking we don’t pay attention to things that hurt others. I do this every day I will be unedited and I will say something sensitive in an insensitive way and I will realize only after what I have done. It is my life’s work to become better at compassion. What we are talking about is kindness and compassion which isn’t in vogue in America and I think is considered weakness. So I applaud the men and women who are pointing out where we have reduced our thinking and beliefs to below humane and even monstrous levels. Celebrating the death penalty for innocent men and woman and promoting biased views without the help of experts hurts us, deeply as a whole and as individuals. Climate change is on…it doesn’t take a scientist to see the changes and most of the shenanigans in Washington are race driven and hurting us , you and me as citizens. I want safe water, air and less chemical exposure and I want it today forever. I want safe updated improved schools and I would LOVE to see us weaned off fossil fuels. I would love ethanol to be the norm and majority. I want values that are not religious but intelligent and I welcome tolerance for those who need religion including not excluding our brethren who follow the Koran. Biking to work, walking to school and staying home and eating in…fun stuff that promotes health and love for the simple things.

The Advocate

Who will be the advocate in Hollywood of African American woman in Media? Who is it? Not Oprah who has shown the world that she advocates for herself and people she wants to be like or feels reflects her ideas. Not the various men and woman who occupy the studio leadership and make the green light decisions. Most are white males a majority white Jewish men who are allowed to fulfill there childhood fantasy on screen those men and woman called Goyem, (white Anglo-Saxon men and woman) in Yiddish. Unmet childhood needs color our likes and dislikes so maybe we all would b guilty of casting from there. Who is the advocate for the many hues both physically and emotionally and socioeconomically of the African American woman? Not Tyler Perry who dresses in drag and whose portrayal of women is both strong and degrading and popular I suspect because this is all we are going to get. Not Spike Lee whose movies are like him taut, angry and male centric. It is fascinating that the only director of note to step into the Black woman fray is a foreigner…Luc Bresson (see Columbiana) here’s to you Luc. Who is going to open up and let us in? Will we ever be allowed to express ourselves on screen in any other capacity than hard luck over burden domestics? If it were not so enjoyable to watch “The Help” it would be revealed as yet another story where white people are helping black woman or men survive. I am exhausted and sad and fully aware of my own place in the larger scheme of things. I sit in my house away form the palm trees of Sunset Blvd and the lies of the establishment because I just don’t have it in me to fight and I have too many faults to be a contender. I had a shot and it didn’t matter. Win an Oscar it still won’t matter (see Halle Berry)
I see that no matter what something will keep us down. Oprah the last great black hope and yet all we really are left with is her unmet childhood needs in the form of Oprah isms. Oprah on every magazine cover and central to any and all her shows, only always.
…UGH. A level playing field in both movies and shows that reflect who we are the multifaceted beautiful and sometimes not so pretty woman and men, who will be the brave one and when will it happen if it will happen or maybe should we refuse to move to the back of the pile of scripts and books sitting undeveloped on every major studio bosses desk. There are thousands of unread undeveloped stories worthy of the talent that is moldering in Hollywood and in NYC, stories that are worthy of our essence, of our unique spectacular mystery. Who will be our advocate and see this to fruition?

A taste of President Obama's health care reform and what it holds...for us.

I decided to show a small but important part of the law regarding President Obama's health care reform law and what it is since I suspect those complaining about it have NOT read it. Below are some of the facts;


About the New Law Relief for You Myths and Facts Healthcare News 50 States 50 Stories
The Affordable Care Act

The Affordable Care Act, passed by Congress and signed into law by the President in March 2010, gives you better health security by putting in place comprehensive health insurance reforms that hold insurance companies accountable, lower health care costs, guarantee more choice, and enhance the quality of care for all Americans.

SEE: How it works Starting Sept. 23, 2010 A bridge to 2014 Reducing Costs Progress
How it Works

The Act will not be implemented all at once. Portions of the law have already taken effect like provisions that implement a new Patient’s Bill of Rights that put an end to some of the worst insurance company practices.
The New Law

Ban Lifetime Limits
Bans Dropping Your Coverage When you Need It Most
Helps Cover Young Adults on Their Parent’s Plan
Prohibits Discriminating Against Children With Pre-Existing Conditions
Restricts the Use of Annual Limits

Before reform, cancer patients and individuals suffering from other serious and chronic diseases were often forced to limit or go without treatment because of an insurer’s lifetime limit on their coverage. Insurance companies can no longer put a lifetime limit on the amount of coverage enrollees receive, so families can live with the security of knowing that their coverage will be there when they need it most.

Up to
20,400
people who typically hit their lifetime limits will benefit from this provision.

Along with nearly
102 mil.
consumers who will no longer have a lifetime limit on their insurance policy.


Benefits Starting on September 23, 2010

If you purchase or join a new plan on or after September 23, 2010 insurance companies must:

Cover recommended preventive services without charging out of pocket costs: Services like mammograms, colonoscopies, immunizations, pre-natal and new baby care will be covered, and insurance companies will be prohibited from charging deductibles, co-payments or co-insurance.

Provide an opportunity to appeal coverage decisions: Consumers will be guaranteed the right to appeal insurance company decisions to an independent third party.

Guarantee enrollees their choice of primary care provider: Consumers will have their choice of provider within the plan’s network of doctors, including OB-GYNs and pediatricians, without a referral, as well as out-of-network emergency care.

These three provisions will benefit up to 88 million people by 2013.
A Bridge to 2014

Other changes including new benefits, protections and cost savings will be implemented between now and 2014.

The Affordable Care Act builds a bridge to 2014 when a new competitive insurance marketplace will be established. The new marketplace will include state-run health insurance exchanges where millions of Americans and small businesses will be able to purchase affordable coverage, and have the same choices of insurance as Members of Congress.
Reducing Costs

The Affordable Care Act will bring down costs, improve the quality of health care delivered to all Americans and expand coverage to 32 million Americans.

Independent experts have found that the new law helps reduce costs for families and businesses, cuts the deficit and strengthens Medicare, adding years to the trust fund while maintaining seniors guaranteed benefits.

The Congressional Budget Office, the government’s non-partisan scorekeeper, said the Affordable Care Act would save over $100 billion over the next ten years, and over $1 trillion in the following decade.
Progress

Many provisions in the Affordable Care Act are already being implemented, and other changes will be implemented through 2014 and beyond. The law is already strengthening our health care system. Provisions of the law that have already been implemented include:

Important consumer protections and a new Patient’s Bill of Rights that end some of the worst insurance company abuses.

New resources for states to help crack down on health insurance premium increases, protect consumers and develop health insurance exchanges where consumers will have the same health insurance choices as Members of Congress.

The establishment of the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan to provide coverage to Americans who have been uninsured because of a pre-existing condition.

Launch of the Early Retiree Reinsurance Program to make it easier for businesses to provide coverage to retirees who are not eligible for Medicare.

Distribution of important information that will help small businesses claim the law’s small business tax credit.

Cost saving measures, including provisions that will make our system more efficient.

Oracles

Oracles are fascinating in how we use them and how much weight we put in to them. From tarot cards, to playing cards (Destiny system) to astrology to dousing with a crystal it is being superstitious. So how we interpret the results matters and can influence our mood. Is there provable science behind any of the tools I mentioned, no probably not but for me it helps me relax and I feel connected to the mystery that is THAT. So I will settle down and clear my mind and ask an oracle a thing or two. Recently I ask about the political environment and how Obama will do in the re-elections and it is not being definite which in my interpretation means the jury is out and he could lose. I get riled when I hear the attacks on him which I feel are unfair and racists even though his tenure has not been without huge mistakes I am thoroughly convinced no one else especially on the GOP side could have done a better job given the circumstances he inherited. Still he must watch his back our backs as it were since we are under attack and it is from within. The small or meek shall inherit the earth? Well the fundamentalists are after America and although they seem to have a good plan with reverting America to the olden days of slavery (Michelle Bachman) I want progress, personally. I wonder if our president were to take a fantastically radical stance I wonder how long he would be alive. That he is so center I think has been the good and the bad of his tenure as president. I wonder if he had gone all the way with one pay medical would he still be breathing. It is a good question, I pray we are NOT subjected to 4 years of the old Bush mania with the likes of Perry and Bachman it was not a great time for this country no matter how much one argues it was. Even my staunch conservative associates cannot fully explain why we invaded Iraq? It is rich that Dick Cheney who must have stood to rake in billions has not been arrested and tried for pillaging American tax dollars with his various companies who profited from Iraq’s destruction. I wonder if there is a statute of limitation. We must mobilize and fight for keeping America on track and I pray this President has another four years to keep the cart pointed in the right direction and still I do want him to be more boastful and effective and show his pair because I think they are pretty big.

Her

Last weekend I had a conversation with a woman who had just started weight watchers and she was excited and looking forward to losing weight. I asked her if she liked her thin self. She looked at me surprised and yet she thought about it for a moment and said that was a good question and no she didn’t like her thin self. I too have asked myself “do I like my thinner self”? I was/am surprised by the response I had and maybe you will too; Not so much. She is thin and can wear anything but when I was my thinnest I felt insignificant and waifish and boy like. With my curves and heft I feel womanly and “big momma’ish “more effective. Both things are untrue in fact. I can be effective at my thinner weight. I just have to allow that when I was thinner I was all those things because I was younger. Today at a thinner weight I am effective and healthier and able to be effective and very womanly. So I have had in meditations to say yes to my thin woman and welcome her into my dreams and life. Surprise, my body is allowing her to appear. Losing weight is a must for me because I don’t need the extra heft with my new medication (Armour Thyroid) and no gluten and less wine…I am making big shifts. I feel stronger and happier lighter because my joints hurt less. I must say I am taking amazing supplements to assist the process stuff that helps with digestion and tricks the mechanisms in my body that holds onto fat. We are designed not to starve. What was a curse my body holding onto to fat is in fact a blessing in times of stress and crisis since I am not in stress or crisis I can afford to shed extra flab. Not to mention I work very hard with my fitness and it is nice to see what is an outcome of all those hours of running cycling and playing tennis; I like my shape, my muscles and stamina. So do you know her? Do you know the thinner lighter self and do you like her? Does she make you smile or frown is she full and satisfied or desperate and hungry? Does she have friends? Do you resent the compliments she gets or do you welcome them? Is the pressure to be thinner insulting? These are some very important questions and I am certain there are more that we need to address when on the journey toward our thinner self. I remember when Madonna changed her diet and her face got thinner because of the weight loss she looked like a wrestler or a roided weight lifter, hard and old. So I know I will look older and am I ready for that? Yes…I am even though I am older, hello? Still I may need to envision her some more and allow her to exist so that I can reach my goal with love and no pressure and fear. I have no choice and most of us don’t it is a matter of life and death. We do better with less fat so here it goes cheers.

The Help

A year ago my dear friend Chris read out loud most of a book called “The Help” I say most because we did not get to the last 3 pages or so because he left where we were and flew home and by then we were so disappointed by the ending simply because it fell short. I am not by nature a jump on the “race “ band wagon woman, in fact could be accused of being insensitive to the horrific scenarios my race has endured because I have been cradled in the lap of Hollywood or was , not now. So when I was watching The telly and Lawrence o Donnell featured Melissa Perry Harris a professor at Tulane giving her 2 cents of critique on the movie;
her critique was negative and yet her views were spot on…she expressed the pain I felt inside my heart when I realized that yet again Hollywood will make a movie where women of color are maids who service the white woman stars both for the story and for us to remember where we came from. She mentioned the lynching, the rape and degradation…you see one cannot say those things enough…the lynching, the rape and the degradation. All of it fresh like it happened NOW. We who are of color know and will always know that those times were the darkest point in our history forever so back the f#*K up from it Hollywood! I love you Professor Perry Harris you are exactly what I aspire to be and know, keep me honest! It is never a cute era…I cannot watch Mad Men because my people, I could not vote…so, why even journey back there. It is a wound I admit and I admit it is VERY, very raw, still.

Screwed!

There is a burning question I have regarding the American Medical Association’s pricing of services rendered by Doctors and hospitals. Who decides what things cost? It must be the very powerful insurance industry because the cost of doing business or the prices compared to countries (France, Canada) to name two seems wildly inflated. Why does it cost 150 dollars to visit a doctor in America where as in Canada or France or England it is either free or 30.00? Subsidized medicine costs are lower because its socialized medicine? Perhaps or the real cost of being treated is 400% lower because America has been getting priced gauged by the medical community and Big insurance for 60 years. What is tragic and criminal is because we have run away campaign financing laws where it seems anything goes…we keep electing bought by Big Insurance policy makers. So the abuse keeps going into perpetuity. The character assassination of Obama is financed by these people this same lobby and more. If we as Joe public say no to the gauging done by the medical community and big insurance it will change. Has a study been done of the actual cost of every procedure and test? Has cost comparison been done with American institutions of health care and say England’s or France? This is 2011 and there must be well documented proof of what all of those costs even with government subsidies are. You cannot get away with the price gauging we are subjected to in a country like Canada because government pays the big bills. We are abused by the very group who run commercials that say “Obama care is bad”. Off topic but just as sick; speaking of abuse. Warren Jeff’s and his cronies created a religion so they could molest children. How insane, evil and sick and why aren’t all of those men of his cult being pulled into court and arrested, WTF?

Moga

Tonight I began watching a French film (to practice the language) about a white woman in Africa who is trying to maintain her life there as the country is torn apart by civil unrest. The director Claire Denis has a simple shot of a middle aged man as he scratches his head after they are hassled at a military traffic stop. In that moment my heart burst open. I could feel his life in his beloved country being held hostage first by his leadership than by colonialists and now by militant rebels…I could feel his confusion and helplessness just by the way he stroked his skull. Which immediately thrust me into trying to imagine life today in Somalia, their day to day life which is beyond our western too fat perceptions? Imagine that each human being has a simple desire for shelter, food, safety and enough warmth or cool or safety for his partner and children and a place to define him or herself where he is part of a culture? Now strip that human being of all of this and subject them to unbearable starvation and mental if not physical torture and remove anything close to normalcy and you have a fragment a small piece of life now, today in Somalia and Darfur only it is much worse. We have no idea what bad is as we struggle here in our own mounting stresses life over there is inhumane. We have allowed it to get that bad and worse. You see it will reach us here…my beloved sister in law Julie mentioned that all the American people and our leaders care about is the pirate problem (big business) but you see it is so much more than just that; in fact if people have the basics they tend to avoid groups that hurt others. Imagine that if some other country like say Italy and Spain and France stepped into Mogadishu and offered infrastructure it could help save the world ultimately. China is helping because it can and soon other countries like Germany need to step up. America has done enough and can do more but only if THEY step up as well or in fact Germany could save Somalia…it has the resources. There is a man who steps into his one uniform everyday and directs traffic without pay in Mogadishu he does it because he has nowhere else to go…my husband thinks he is dead or that he isn’t real it is a BS journalists idea of a good tale. I find it revealing that we cannot fathom, imagine how bad, bad is…unless we investigate over there. If we keep ignoring them they will impact us. In ways we will not like. This alone is why we need to admire Angelina Jolie I know she is on her way there…or wants to be because it must be one if not the worst place on planet Earth. If I won the lottery I would immediately create a foundation to help Somalia get back to being civilized. I think it deserves that…and more. My heart is in pain for them and us.

The abooo

Nothing is more irritating than having someone tell us “under the guise of friendship” what we need to "do" in the moment of a crisis. It is a phenomena that I notice people don’t talk about enough. It is true we can see into a murky situation better from a distance and yet when the tone begins and the words appear we can hear them alright, clear as day and sometimes even understand their correctness, but it bugs the crap out of us and we shut down. I am so guilty of dishing out heaps of advice which I always find I need in the moment I spout the words out of my yapper. So I will take this moment to apologize to my friends and family for the decades of RDC advice probably none of it welcome. I suspect it is because we don’t want help we want to stew and fester and sink. It’s my life let me blow the turns of it. So I noticed yesterday when I was speaking to a friend who is having a very big moment of pain this is someone who I adore and have been friends with for over 3 decades and you know we both have not changed all that much. She was in “it” I listened and sure enough as I was gently (a lie) explained a few tidbits wanting to ease her confusion she wasn’t having it. I had an “ah ha” moment. Why should she get my wisdom and it’s 2 cents worth? It is her path, her life and she is on it and how dare I? So I listened and didn’t get bored or sad or anything, I just listened and then I remembered my Father centuries ago trying to help me and I rejected everything he offered because I could and did. I also remembered that he was right and I should have listened but having spent a huge majority of my time disliking him I suffered. So I listened and I was and am sort of impressed by the fact that we don’t want advice. We want an ear and a quiet co existence someone to hold the space of misery together. So that is what I did and it was really a challenge. It was also a practice in self love because afterward I listened to myself my untold advice and everything I wanted to share I needed to implement myself. So there it is; my bit of advice about withholding advice and the loving act of just that, being quiet and trusting us as we tumble and bump and crash through the cosmos.

Giggle this...

Every time we allow people to buy US treasuries we make money.

Watch this;


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUOFTPbxuWA

What is the fuss?

Amy

I am sad that Amy Winehouse finally killed herself not JUST because she was devastatingly talented (she was) but that her voice is one of such true natural talent or that her song writing was kick ass and sassy (it was)but she was the anti Simon Cowell who is on a tear to ruin music both he and the other Simon (fuller), Nasty fat and greedy boys with talent to exploit and be mean and okay spot talent but really at the end of the day what will they be remembered for NOTHING! No I am sad because Amy Winehouse was the real deal in the age of auto tune it is devastating when a talent like this cannot take the heaping servicing of BS that the BIZ delivers and she obviously opted out. I will mourn her because in the midst of this drama her drama I derived zero pleasure in her mishaps and wished deeply she would pull herself together. I wanted my girl to get a grip so I could selfishly enjoy more of her. She dumped those nasty fat boys and I am so happy she had the foresight to…I just wish she didn’t let her demons rule the day. But alas who says living a long life is good or gracious or even necessary? I will miss her because I wanted her to overcome the bad bits and be bigger than them…not so fast.
So she followed the old school course and kicked the bucket. Fuck, I will and do miss her voice.

Hubris

Hubris is a tricky thing like the flu it overcomes us when we least expect it. One of the draw backs for me personally is “futuring” where my focus isn’t on the moment but ahead in the future where because I am not “present” I lose my way. Or in the case of the US women’s soccer game you lose a match. You could see the players lifting when they took a shot. Meaning they ever so slightly lifted their heads when they took shots so it made them miss by fractions, inches…life is exactly like this. When we are focused slightly above or beyond our present we miss the mark in everything we do. Hubris kills literally. So if there is anything I can offer for you to think about today it is this stay in the moment, finish your stroke or task with 100% focus otherwise you will miss the mark or finish sloppy and lose. That simple, painful but so valuable, as I watched our chance at world cup victory slip away with one weird shot after another I thought this is more valuable to our American entitled hubris filled ego than a win. We are so full of it here in America. My friend Chris said something so true this morning which was with the money we spend on one month of the defense budget we would be able to fix our roads, pay our teachers, begin to rebuild this country. Keep our heads still, focus on the moment, finish your task with complete joy and focus ,not thinking for a moment beyond the moment, stay in the now…for success.

In Essence...

It is a tough subject to write about but I am going to give it a shot because I caught a glimpse of something on the TV and it sparked my imagination and has made me get off my ass and write something. First of all I was listening as a couple of lovely women were on television talking about an event they were attending that was turning out to be important culturally. The event is the Essence Magazine fair in New Orleans. Various African American luminaries have made the trek to hot and steamy and always lovely New Orleans to share their vision of what life means to us and how we can make life better and what we need to focus on to accomplish as much. It made me think about something I have always grappled with as a women of mixed race. Where does one pitch their tent (psychically and physically and emotionally) without offending? I know the one drop rule but there is more to it. We were raised in a white dominant place (Canada) part time, the other part in Hollywood. We, my family (Mom, sister and myself) had a year and change in the ghetto of Detroit Michigan that was unforgettable. It was so frightening in fact, because we had prior to living there, we had been in Vancouver Canada which still today has a .005 percent African Canadian population who by the way I am related to. We would see a brown skinned person and lo and behold it would be cousin “so and so” or Aunt “what’s her name” or uncle “you know who”. When we migrated to America it was to Detroit during the race riots of 1968/69. So things were very violent and angry and loud, we were not complete sheltered princesses mind you, my family presided over three night clubs and we as tiny children were exposed to many violent fist fights. But I digress, what I have noticed about our personal (family) racial identity is that it is weird. It is different and awkward. Our(my sister and I) racial history started in a place devoid of color almost then progressed to Laurel canyon in Hollywood more diverse and certainly colorful. Yet, I adopted as a rebellious gesture against my parents whom I absolutely disliked growing up, my rebellion was to embody as best I could, to become a hippy. I wanted to be Joni Mitchell with the blond hair and everything including her long bad ass list of fabulous lovers. I sang her songs knowing every lick and lyric and wanted so badly to morph into her that when I did finally become friends with her (if one calls what we are friends) I was surprised to find out she wanted to be a woman of color herself. Not me exactly but she spent decades being chased and chasing a lot of men who happened to be African American both for professional reasons and other mystical magical stuff. How ironic? So race is up for me as I listened to the young women talk about how wonderful it is to be in celebration of all things African American and how healing it is to listen to our luminaries further inspiring us. It made me happy to be me and sad too…As I watch our President and his lovely Wife face thinly veiled racism as they do the best job they can governing this country and say what you will no one would have succeeded as well as they have done. It is a thankless huge undertaking with endless pitfalls, being president today in America. When will they be celebrated for the good they have done? Both of them thank goodness for Michelle Obama addressing diet and obesity in our youth, which is vital to our surviving in the very near future because there is a correlation between proper healthy nutrition a child has early and how much better they do in classrooms and the better they will do in society, nutrition affects comprehension and health. Better nutrition and education and watch the percentage of first time crime offenders in the African American population drop, clearer thinking perhaps? What is a haunting and disturbing trend in the direct correlation between performance in schools due to poor nutrition (low) coupled with low to zero employment opportunities upon completion of high school if they complete, creates the likely hood of crimes being committed which fills up our prisons. As the prisons fill up with our young men and women who mainly are suffering from either drug related crimes or in poverty related crimes as this vicious cycle is perpetrated in the media as a deficiency on our race as a whole, which then justifies the “White Elite” into not wanting to share the pie. The top wealthy 1% who possesses 99% of the world’s wealth happens to be 90% White or maybe 97%, not to be a conspiracy kook but it makes one step back and say “What?” Something awfully sinister is cooking and has been for 200 years and it isn’t looking good for those on the lower economic scale. I include all not just people of color; woman and their children are clumped into the lowest economic group. Another irony is that the people who are most sensitive to race and want to take the presidency away from Obama on the basis of his race the people who did not elect him in the first place, a majority of them would suffer if the Tea-party, right wing conservatives get their way. I will call some of them (Koch’s)the hyper rich folks who want tax cuts and smaller government, the same folks who cut civic programs and collective bargaining and want teachers and fireman to pay for the upper class to flourish. I am torn and confused and saddened by this I feel like a victim of the “Black is bad” propaganda of the 60’s and seventies” we had in every media outlet. I personally am a recovering hate my heritage child still because I wish I had had an earlier positive exposure to my African American heritage it would have been so sweet and peaceful and rich. Today I am always open to learning everything I can about who I am and where my ancestors were, including my Chinese and my Scotch/ Irish. I am glad we care, keep going people, we are a lovely hugely important group of souls who have survived unthinkable atrocities and injustices, still today. I just want to encourage the lost and confused to choose a better way and to ask for help and to educate them to facilitate and create better everything. Let’s empty out the prisons of our rank. Let’s not fall into the traps set to destroy us. I suppose the start is with early education…Come on lets all get smarter.

If a Tree falls

This is the documentary I was talking about yesterday this is a review I am reprinting it here;


"Marshall Curry's documentary, which won an editing award, centers on activist members of the Earth Liberation Front categorized as "domestic terrorists" by the FBI.

PARK CITY -- With Americans' concerns about joblessness and a sputtering economy far ahead of worries about the environment, acclaimed documentary filmmaker Marshall Curry finds new relevance in these issues by profiling the development of radical environmentalism through the lens of domestic terrorism.

Winner of the Documentary Editing Award at the 2011 Sundance Film Festival, If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front is slated for broadcast later this year on PBS' POV series and will remain an evergreen title in educational settings as well. Select theatrical dates in targeted markets could also prove fruitful.

RELATED: Sundance Announces 2011 Festival Award Winners

Curry traces the origins of the loosely affiliated Earth Liberation Front (ELF) to Eugene, Ore., in the 1990s. As anti-logging activists focusing on the region's extensive public forests became increasingly frustrated with the slow pace of policy reform in the Pacific Northwest, some turned to "direct action" techniques rooted in the nonviolent tactics of previous social-change movements.

For some activists, even the more extreme forms of protest advocated by groups like Earth First! were not aggressive enough to confront the onslaught of logging. In 1996, Eugene resident Jake Ferguson and several accomplices burned down two vacant U.S. Forest Service ranger stations in ELF's first targeted arson.

Drawn to ELF's no-compromise tactics, Daniel McGowan began assisting with the Eugene group's arson planning and execution. Along with unprecedented access to former ELF members and law enforcement investigators, Curry's in-depth interviews with McGowan help frame the context for examining ELF's philosophy and strategies.

McGowan was a transplant from the New York area, where he grew up in a middle-class family and studied business in college. After relocating to Eugene, he became more deeply involved in environmental issues, motivated by his sense of outrage and search for justice. At the same time, direct-action protests were escalating nationwide as law enforcement response became more violent, sometimes involving intensive use of tear gas, pepper spray, water cannons and even rubber bullets to disperse demonstrations and arrest protestors.

McGowan's first ELF assignment involved assisting as a lookout while Ferguson and other ELF members burned down an Oregon timber plant. "I didn't have a problem with what I was doing" at the time, McGowan acknowledges in an interview. ELF adopted a variety of clandestine techniques to avoid exposure, operating as autonomous cells without any central leadership or coordination. Other ELF arson targets included a horse slaughtering plant, an SUV dealership and a $12 million Vail, Colo., ski lodge, which represented ELF's most visible act of "economic sabotage."

As ELF actions escalated, law enforcement agencies stepped up their activity as well, with the FBI categorizing the activists as "domestic terrorists" under Bush-era legislation, and the investigation become the largest domestic terrorism case in the U.S., spearheaded by Assistant U.S. Attorney Kirk Engdall.

After burning down an Oregon tree farm, McGowan discovered that ELF had been misinformed about the target. Another fire set at the University of Washington got out of control, destroying a large amount of property, and McGowan began re-evaluating his involvement with the group, eventually withdrawing from ELF and moving back to New York. But federal agents continued to work the cases he'd been involved with, as well as other fires subsequently set by ELF.

Once they'd compiled charges against Jake Ferguson, investigators convinced him to help incriminate other current and former ELF members. Four years after leaving the group, the FBI arrested McGowan after Ferguson caught him admitting to the Oregon arsons on a surveillance tape. McGowan's sister bailed him out, and he was put on house arrest for seven months as the feds prepared their case for trial, after McGowan admitted his involvement in two ELF arsons, for which he faced life in prison under anti-terrorism statutes.

Interviews with McGowan, who's rather shy and still seems a bit bewildered by his actions and the charges against him, form the backbone of the documentary, supported by location footage, law enforcement video, animated sequences re-creating some of the ELF actions and additional interviews with McGowan's former acquaintances, ELF accomplices and law enforcement representatives.

Curry and co-editor Matthew Hamachek assemble the wide-ranging material into an informative, compelling story line, although details about McGowan's upbringing and early years in the environmental movement slow the narrative down and some of the footage of McGowan puttering around his sister's apartment proves too mundane to hold much interest.

In the film's final scenes, McGowan agrees to plead guilty to federal charges, including domestic terrorism, and accepts a reduced sentence of seven years in federal prison. (Ferguson was never charged with any of his alleged crimes.) Since ELF's actions have never targeted individuals or injured anyone, If a Tree Falls implicitly questions whether intentional property destruction should qualify as domestic terrorism, even as it critically reassess the future of the American environmental movement."

Venue: Sundance Film Festival, U.S. Documentary Competition
Production companies: Marshall Curry Productions and the Independent Television Service
Director: Marshall Curry
Screenwriters: Matthew Hamachek, Marshall Curry
Producer: Marshall Curry, Sam Cullman
Executive producers: Stephen Bannatyne, Marcia Carver, Sally Jo Fifer, Simon Kilmurry, Fraser
Director of photography: Sam Cullman
Music: James Baxter, The National
Editors: Matthew Hamachek, Marshall Curry
Sales: Marshall Curry Prods.
No rating, 85 minutes

Freedom

What does it mean to be free in the land of internet with Big Brother becoming a reality here in America? The patriot act, wire tapping, extended rights to open mail and go through garbage, all to protect us AND to control us. Scary stuff, I am looking forward to the documentary about the domestic warrior who fights big corporation that do major damage to our planet. The group this particular fellow works with is Earth First. I am starting to think it is important to have a "Mother Earth Dow Jones" so we can keep track of her and the things we do to this planet called "home". What the impact of our inertia toward change and its consequences. Is it a crime if it prevents corporations from deforestation? Do we punish the young, the men and women at our peril? These saints who seem motivated to protect Earth from us?So far we get a D grade as far as being trust worthy and self responsible or worse in our trusting Government to protect her, this is our Mother Earth. So why are we punishing the children, the people who are resisting the damage? Fracking, which is spoiling our water tables every in America is frightening and if I see one more commercial with a pleasant looking man or woman espousing the virtues if natural gas as if it is something benign in our capturing of it. The sweet textured voice lulling us consumers to sleep. It isn't true we cannot be without oil we can look south to Brazil. We can get off the pipe. It may be criminal to set property on fire that doesn't belong to us and we may have to uphold laws but where are we that those same laws shelter the same actions that would otherwise on the surface be considered crimes? Why is it that the people who should be indicted are not (Bush Cheney Rumsfeld Rice, Bernanke, Paulson, etc...) and the man who is being indicted for something (John Edwards) no one really thinks is a crime yet the case will be thrown out and we are distracted by the move to indict. Meanwhile I keep asking who are they really going after with this campaign spending sleuthing? Palin? Its creepy and off point, I don't know if the people who break laws to protect endangered species or the Oceans of the world should be tried under the same rules we should have an exemption for the Earth First Warriors who are fighting for us, not against us. Us being people who want clean air ,water and drinking water, healthy top soil or just top soil. I want pesticide use to be mandated and made to be less harmful. I want industrialized agriculture to be broken up. I want it to be illegal for one gigantic company to control whole markets. I want Mansanto to be dis-banded and made to pay high fines for the terror they have wrought on the small farmer and the planet and the consumer. It's alright to relearn new modalities and ways to exist that respects Earth. This is what I want for Christmas...I know another corporate construct designed to promote consumption. Lets free the people who fight the good fight, not imprison them have them educate us share their fears and their beliefs, teach us.

Stumble

In my rush to grow up I missed a lot of steps and now in my adulthood I realize those missed steps are vital. So now it is my job to retake some of those steps or better create these steps anew. I never graduated from anything and so next week I get to don a cap and gown and celebrate a graduation of sorts. Sure it is the GED but to someone who missed the step of finishing high school it is a very important step for me to take. I have always diminished pomp and circumstance because it was painful to me. When I was younger I lacked witnesses, so simple things were a source of pain. I know a lot of us had similar issues growing up of working mothers and absent fathers but nonetheless it was a way to avoid the agony of having no one to celebrate my little accomplishments. So I grew up dismissing them as lame only now I realize it is another facet of our growth that we need. We need to develop the emotional muscle of self celebration. It is funny to put it that way and maybe silly to think of our emotions as muscles that need development but they do. It is like learning to allow someone to love us deeply; it’s not natural to some of us it feels like fire burning our skin or worse like being skinless. Love is tricky too because REAL love doesn’t act like media love and certainly never looks like media love. So we are a jumble, a confused bunch growing up. Taking steps are important they teach us many things vital to enjoyment, vital to respecting the processes that make up our lives. In my haste to skip a few I missed out on some soft, quiet yet hugely important moments that make up the healthy psyche of a young woman. As a not so young woman now I am taking those steps for the first time completely aware and awake, there’s sure to be a tear here and there from me because that is also what we miss when we skip steps; happy tears of real love.

Just cause it's easy doesn't mean its good.

I am on vacation and am sitting in my room listening/watching the news “Democracy Now” regarding the phenomena of filtering what we see and search for online. Let me clarify filtering is done by Google and Facebook and a host of other sites and browsers. They manage our tastes and help guide us to what they think we want to see focusing on similarities instead of allowing us the INDVIVDUAL and opportunity to choose such an important thing. Let’s face it most of us are lazy and think it a compliment when we are served whether it is a table in our favorite restaurant or if we order a coffee and the vendors knows what we like before we order it. We think it is fabulous to be “loved” that way until it isn’t. So when we allow every act we do online to be recorded and managed and used we open up a huge universe of trouble. That trouble can lead us into a police state we would deeply regret and this is why I personally stopped face booking last May. It occurred to me after reading a book called “Free” that nothing is Free and we open ourselves to slavery by simple things as free sites and easy access and social websites the ease of them is the warning. Plus we are new to the web really and it’s is something that HUGE Corporations are spending tens of millions of dollars to figure out how to control and manage and dominate and exploit. We are helping them get this by being unaware of what out simple “click of the button” means its value. Information is value you give it away every time you surf the web or go online and face book or any of them. Tough stuff because we have geared so much to social sites now people still constantly ask me to connect with them on FB and I say sorry I cannot and don’t. It’s made us lazy and we are paying with our freedom. Then my fave news outlet shared the horrendous practice of Fracking and how we are having to fight for Mother Earth yet again because big business wants to Frack all over America at the expense of not only our drinking water but our health the contaminants that methane mixed with chlorine creates directly makes cancers deep dark nasty cancers which we cannot and don’t want in the first place. HELP! Join environmental groups give money to the real warriors on the ground that fight for us who want to save our aquifers and our health. Why are we so short sighted? We have to stay vigilant when it freedom and if something is easy to use it doesn’t mean it’s safe in the long run or free. The simpler the program usually it means it is milking you for all your habits and taste and preferences watch out everybody big trouble is lurking BIG BROTHER is coming for our freedom.

Black oak rising...

Oh brother! Now I feel like such a reject because I have no memory of being groped and abused sexually by Arnold. I was groped possibly but I remember dodging it and making him behave so it didn't feel scary or troublesome to me. I mean who hasn’t had hands in awkward places from wealthy or famous guys at one time or another? In case you haven’t it happens a lot and it’s uncool. I can’t think anyone especially a hot girl who hasn’t had a moment that wasn’t awkward when (usually) younger I am talking post 60’s and 70’s into the 80’s. By the way I am not condoning this behavior and I find the rape of the housekeeper in the Strauss Kahn affair absolutely terrible and I think he is guilty and I think SHE is heroic in stepping up and getting him arrested. I will say I have been forced to have sex (raped) and it isn’t pleasant and I don’t think it is a light subject and I am very happy people like Arnold and John Ensign are being called on to the carpet for their misuse of power. These were employees and it is unfair to prey and introduce anything inappropriate in the work place. Still sexuality is tricky and it is an urge that is animalistic and nearly impossible to control look at the Catholic priest problem historically and globally. It is hard for me to imagine the Pope being canonized when he had to be aware that bad things were happening to millions of children worldwide for the last 150 years or more. They want to make him a saint? What? No way and yes it baffles my mind. I think he is not a saint a true saint would have stopped the madness. Arnold definitely is frisky and very motivated but who isn’t? I know many famous men who are dogs or pigs as the news outlets are calling them. If society were less judgmental maybe these “pigs” would get help? And be less DL or hidden about attacking people? I mean when I say that,is that if we wouldn't immediately label them bad (they are ill) we could understand the illness better and maybe they would get help instead of hide their issues. Maybe, meanwhile I suppose that is the sex appeal to molesting people to be doing something secretive. They say it points to child abuse in the perp. I can see that. I hate to call people animals names( dog , pig) as a punishment since most animals are better behaved.

Our Ass...

There is a revolution afoot and its home grown or at least I hope so. It is the green movement the revolution of resetting how we live and consume and care for our environment. Turns out if we don’t start the complete renewal immediately we will die sooner(12 years) than later. That is incentive and I use the word incentive properly not like the current mash up of “izing” every verb as if to emphasize (pun intended) the point. We are looking at some fascinating weather ahead in every market. I am currently reading Thomas Friedman’s book “Hot, Flat, and crowded” read it. He outlines in complete details why we are in for it is we don’t make massive changes and there it is again our need to revisit how we allow our politicians to lull us into lies and more lies about how well we are doing when we are not doing well at all. When we could look to our neighbors like Brazil and Denmark and other off the grid cultures who have somehow managed to get off “The pipe” I mean the crude OILPIPE…my beloved husband says it is impossible with the current climate of bipartisan BS on the hill. I say it is possible because we have a black president. The book says the same thing too…read it with me and let me know what you think. Peace…oh and get on that bicycle and burn a few calories with me in solidarity for the love of Mother Earth.

Polarized

There are a zillion reasons we should all gather together and boycott NBC because of their unwavering support of a nasty bigot like Trump. That only Groupon has pulled out of sponsoring his show (last I checked) makes me think that maybe Trump is voicing a radical racism that is prevalent and maybe his views are shared by the corporations that are still behind his show. I think we who are not radically racist should consider boycotting everyone who stands behind him. Recently I was doing a signing show in New Jersey when Gary Busey approached me and mauled me essentially (hugs and wet cheek kiss) I was caught off guard. I don’t like or know Mr. Busey and I feel sorry for him and I felt caught. First because I don’t like him BECAUSE he supports Trump also because he is sick and will not get the help he needs. This is why I don’t want the photos of him hugging me to misrepresent my beliefs because I don’t support anyone who remotely supports Trump or anyone like him. I do think NBC needs to fire him because he is a polarizing influence a hater, a race baiting fool. I risk being bigoted against a bigot and that’s not nice either but I want to make a statement, I want to stand up in protest against the vile poisonous rhetoric someone as self delusional as Trump spreads. We become complacent and accepting of misbehavior because people don’t want to get involved meanwhile get involved. The latest news is indicative of someone being home in the Whitehouse. The news of Osama being killed is good news and I pray it inspires good decisions about leaving Afghanistan and Iraq. We do need to pull back and out of the region. It isn’t our job to police these regions and I think we cannot afford. Suze Orman would loudly agree we cannot afford to police the world. Remember fighting in Afghanistan 12 years ago helped destroy the Soviet Union. It has definitely undermined us here in the USA. Please Mr. President lets seriously reduce and regroup overseas. Lets bring everyone home and could we please protect Mother nature and could you encourage Ethanol funding so we could become more like Brazil and less like China?

The gift

The craziness around President Obama is very disturbing the core issue or reason all of it is here is his race. I am very proud he is our leader and he has done a very good job yes there is much to be done and more to achieve but given the other choice of candidate he gets 5 stars, he wins.
One of the biggest gifts he has given the world is the opportunity to experience what it feels like to harassed because of race. It is possible that for the first time many people can along with the President experience what we of color live with every day. The ignorant painful struggle for simple equality; I am so proud he is here and deeply grateful for the experiences we have had to endure these past three years during his Presidency because it has blown wide open the doors of hate and the pain the accompanies it. The President has allowed you and everyone else in on a dirty secret and a not so nice experience. I hope we can come together and evolve out of it, the need to be better than, the need to diminish and make wrong that which is different. I know “good luck with that” still today everyone out there has had a few moments to imagine what it is like to be under attack and belittled because of ones differences. That gift is priceless, because of this those who would never before know get to know what it is like to walk in his shoes and to face the insanity of his worthiness because of the color of his skin, this is a gift.

Where else will we go?

Yesterday I as I was channel surfing obsessed with the news of late because of the unrest in the middle East which directly impacts us and as I realize with sadness that this administration is only a slight improvement from the hideous Bush Cheney juggernaut it made me think. I was pondering how easy it is to forget countries which are still suffering under horrendous conditions and people are still being slaughtered by corrupt regimes (Somalia, Darfur) because they are not us and they are not white and they are not rich so we let them “die”. I was thinking about our own domestic complex relationship between the races and how all of the right wingers whether Tea baggers or the true conservative Christians who are barely able to contain their disdain for Obama; his race, his family ties; his everything. Mainly his race I was thinking that racism is such a dirty word that even people of color are loathe to utter the word or talk about its impact and it’s prevalence globally. It is everywhere the white against color bias. Asian culture are as bad or worse when it comes to skin tone the lighter and less Asian the better. Underneath it all is cash, the more you have the lighter you appear to be until you are no longer a dirty “something” unless Arab , in that case “dirty” no matter how much cash will always be something you will have to fight or push against because we have continued to separate “you” desert dwelling tribal nomads with dust. It is uneducated and lame and Lawrence of Arabia showed us how lame it was and is and it is no wonder there is a strong dislike over there against the West. Like us Afro American/Canadians with slavery, no matter how much success and fame and fortune we always have the “burden” of our history in America the “stain” of it, when if you think of it, that stain should be shared by the elite white men who still hold most of the money and power in America. I was listening to Tyler Perry discuss his dislike and disapproval of Spike Lee, regarding his success, Tyler’s success, I think it so dated and so silly , anyone say “jealous”? No, we can’t win, no matter what, there will always be some beef about whatever anyone accomplishes of color. Obama cannot win because we need radical change and one 4 year term is not enough time or strength or support to initiate the actual change we need. No one would have succeeded. When I hear about Republican pledges signed by Republican politicians (for campaign financing) to insure no taxes are raised my blood boils because how are we ever going to begin the true rebuild? I remember the voices of reason when they cried out against globalization of industry in the 70’s as jobs flew overseas and factories closed and America rusted into where we are now. I remember “them” who saw this end saying we will regret it and slide into poverty. They never listened as they voted to destabilize and close all American industries. I think we deserve everything we are experiencing and more. Guantanamo must be closed and the men released and pardoned and Wiki leaks treated as a hero by enlightening us the public to the shenanigans’ of politicians and our government. There has never been a security crisis bigger than climate change and yet no one with power is sounding the bell. When we lose the honey bees and the food shrivels up and we are dying by the millions I reckon we will still be banging the same drums. More money, more money, more money, in Somalia where there is nothing but chaos no infrastructure, nothing but death and warlords and feminine and sadness. In Somalia a lone figure dresses in his policemen’s uniform stands on a crate and directs traffic every day same spot. He pulls no salary because there isn’t a police force or city for that matter. The photographer who took a famous photo of him doing his job which he reports to everyday asked him why he bothers. He said someone has to do it and why not him? Where else would he go?

Teach them to swim!

We were out listening to a duo Stew and Heidi of the “Negro Problem” that is their actual show title and one of the songs they played is called “Black men ski” it is a beautiful song that clearly outlines the although rare but actual fact “Black men do ski” and ski well except it’s a small few who do it each year the number is getting larger as more African Americans grow steadily more affluent and so can afford it. Let’s face it most things like a few elite past times (Golf, Tennis ,Skiing) cost money so unless you have lots after basic living expenses well you could find yourself out of luck and un able to say Ski. It made me laugh the song it was intended to be humorous, and it made me sad.
It inspired me to challenge Stew to write about how some women of color maybe more then not don’t swim and conversely neither do their children in fact a huge majority of African Americans don’t swim. It isn’t racist to notice this it’s a fact a sad fact.
I am not speaking about the islanders who live in Barbados or the island of St Lucia people of color in the Caribbean do swim one would hope so because that is a beautiful place to practice the sport. Still in America many people of color avoid the water and females especially because of hair. So a huge majority of children are raised all over America unable to swim and that is just wrong. I have mentioned / blogged about African American children who drown every year because they cannot dog paddle to safety and if by some accident they jump into a body of water; some drown. They drown in less than two feet of water frozen with fear and unfamiliar with the most basic of substances. We are conceived in water our first moments of life are in the amniotic fluid of the womb it seems like a natural divine right to be able to manage swimming but not so. I want to say shame on us for being so vain and so simple and stupid!
We need to learn many things, we would never know to learn and how does one step outside their comfort zone? Mothers barely making end meet cannot put swimming lessons on any list of things to do. Yet the state could? The federal government could, more taxes for the rich could.
I was watching Khloe Kardashian try to teach her adult husband Lamar Odom how to swim; he wasn’t having it he was freaked out. He is not unusual so it is a socio-economical issue. The more money one has the more exposure to places with swimming pools and the higher likely hood that you will learn to swim. It’s a class thing and get this more woman who live under the poverty line pay huge sums of money to look wealthy in order to attract wealth and find a way out yet depriving themselves and their children of rent money , food, clothing, extra curriculum tutoring. I mean the list is long and yet we will find the cash to make ourselves look smooth and sexy and in our social circles “All that”. It’s tragic; I don’t see a change coming anytime soon. Children will keep on drowning for no good reason well maybe it is a good reason because mom didn’t have the time or strength or money to teach junior how to swim. Wow that’s a shame and if you ask me this is as important an epidemic as childhood obesity. Yet because it only affects the economically challenged no one if making a bigger deal about it and that’s a damn shame.Teach them to swim.

FreeTV Channel

There is a channel high in the 300’s(on our TV) that is called Free speech TV channel where I watch everything from Al -Jezeera to Democracy Now and other cool non corporate owned media shows also very good documentaries that focus on real people in the real world. So today there was a documentary spot lighting minimum wage earners which was super depressing yet we couldn’t stop watching it. It highlighted something which I find interesting and think very important aside from the obvious things we need in America like revenue streams, like tax for all things that are rich and tax the rich corporations and deplete big oil incentives. What I found was something subtle yet deeply acute; each of us has a need to be comforted and when we cannot create it in a positive healthy way in our private lives we will succumb to illness and fall into a relationship with the medical community which aside from medical advice offers tenderness and attention and sustenance, comfort even as it costs someone or something millions we get deep comfort from our doctors. We are looking for help which is lacking for millions of people, the simple gesture of relief. So I watched as a super stressed out minimum wage earning single mother of three was being written a prescription for anti anxiety pills because her life sucks. The young doctor speaking in soft tones, encouraging her to get on these drugs because he is happy to provide her some relief, she is happy to get his attention as she gladly takes the prescription. I have a million issues with the way we have a pill for every ill and the half life the effects of being strung out on these meds is another HUGE topic that I will address at another time. She is in need for love and comfort and relief and he can give it to her for 15 minutes. What I saw this morning time after time case after case was the very poor getting hugs and attention and relief from doctors. It concerns me because of course to be American means you have the crappiest medical coverage in the world rated number 45th in the world, that’s low …we suck as far as taking care of each other and our citizens and we are strung out, lonely and hyper dependant on drugs ; what a sick circle. Imagine if we had entitlement programs and free education and proper low cost health care and a higher minimum wage and an enforced saving program and so social security was a supplement to our retirement income because every American had a pretty healthy savings account and the credit card industry was reigned in or better yet held accountable so only the people who can afford it had it. Imagine if those people and corporate entities who have paid a real amount of taxes where our entitlement programs didn’t suffer every election cycle. It would be a safer better America. I am certain Canadians are helped tremendously knowing that they can count on their local doctors and that they can get meds if needed for themselves and kids without being homeless because of it. On top of compounded financial misery we have health and mental health stresses how are we ever going to cope or go forward? I have relatives who will be homeless soon, who need mental health care and cannot get it or afford it. Its grim…we are in a very tough spot. It behooves us each to understand what it means to each of us (personally) if they take away entitlements and continue wars that are unwinnable and allow big business to withhold money from the coffers. The average struggling man and woman doesn’t understand that raising taxes for the rich is the only way…but we can always do more and the fine print. So much reform is needed in America and I will say this and I see it is needed. We lack love and care and comfort we need to be kinder and to be better friends and neighbors here we need to help each other and be generous. Life is tough enough without and we each can afford to give and taxes are a great way to start.

I used to be cute...

I used to be cute as everyone was when they were young and feisty and running “the streets” as my mom would say we did. I am certain I ate and slept back than I just have no memory of sitting down and eating or properly going to sleep in my bed. I must confess I was a gypsy in my late teens and spent a majority of my nights at my friend Michelle’s home until I finally moved out at 15. Today in my middle years I feel decidedly un-cute for natural normal reasons and although it would be lovely to fit in to the same size jeans I wore back than (size 4) it ain’t happening today and I know the work it would take or the terminal illness I would have to be suffering from to get that small. Ugh…I do know playing tennis is my excuse for favoring too short skirts and I play tennis to get away with it seriously. I am so sad to think my body will be forever changed from now till I die. On the other hand as I was studying a photo of the very un-cute Gertrude Stein looking at her made me feel quite glorious. She who was brilliant and gay and rich and cranky and supremely un-cute…maybe not even “handsome” yet she is interesting still but she was frumpy and challenged in the look department, oh but, she was a genius. I am not a genius and I have my definitely frumpy days where I look like my version of Gertrude. This is so shallow to say but… I miss that simple carefree cute because I am young and thin because my metabolism is just so. Okay I cannot complain I have hair like a wild animal that just sticks up and makes a statement, I am different looking because I am an ethnic hodgepodge and that is never dull. I may be chunkier than say someone like Cate Blanchet and not nearly as actor-y or as popular and I have that haunted eerie inkling that if I were whippet thin I would work more, yes people, corporations would hire me for something lucrative. I think this to be true but as I sit with my chunk and my wrinkles which will never see a needle filled with Botox or a scalpel either and maybe soon I will stop shading my hair in my fight against that tired looking grey (maybe) I can’t help but feel happy. Be damned you lucrative contracts that I have missed because I am fat! I welcome aging not as a badge of accomplishment but as a foe that is winning the fight and is much stronger than me. I mean time keeps marching on…and when my sweet supporters say lovely things like you never age I know they are lying in that good white lie kind of way. My chunk, my middle aged spread is exactly my age. Oh it may be firm since I run around like a kid but it is still “there” and even my fat phobic father once compared me to Kirstie Alley because fat is so forbidden in his household and my glorious chubba wubba offended him. I may not be as fat as a Kirstie Alley who I admire by the way and think she is so “out there” and I love her and think her fantastically talented as an actor and doing fabulously well on “Dancing with the stars”. Which by the way I could not do for a million bucks, so leave us alone! I say…let us be and okay it would be nice to get booked for some endorsement or say a lovely role on a major network with a fascinating character to portray every week, I admit it would. Still I suppose I will just have to see if my “kind” ever comes into vogue and if not I suspect life will continue as it does in its sweet, imperfectly perfect way. So yes I will just jiggle my way into the sunset, filled with appreciation for all that I have and love, thank you!