Monday, April 18, 2011

I used to be cute...

I used to be cute as everyone was when they were young and feisty and running “the streets” as my mom would say we did. I am certain I ate and slept back than I just have no memory of sitting down and eating or properly going to sleep in my bed. I must confess I was a gypsy in my late teens and spent a majority of my nights at my friend Michelle’s home until I finally moved out at 15. Today in my middle years I feel decidedly un-cute for natural normal reasons and although it would be lovely to fit in to the same size jeans I wore back than (size 4) it ain’t happening today and I know the work it would take or the terminal illness I would have to be suffering from to get that small. Ugh…I do know playing tennis is my excuse for favoring too short skirts and I play tennis to get away with it seriously. I am so sad to think my body will be forever changed from now till I die. On the other hand as I was studying a photo of the very un-cute Gertrude Stein looking at her made me feel quite glorious. She who was brilliant and gay and rich and cranky and supremely un-cute…maybe not even “handsome” yet she is interesting still but she was frumpy and challenged in the look department, oh but, she was a genius. I am not a genius and I have my definitely frumpy days where I look like my version of Gertrude. This is so shallow to say but… I miss that simple carefree cute because I am young and thin because my metabolism is just so. Okay I cannot complain I have hair like a wild animal that just sticks up and makes a statement, I am different looking because I am an ethnic hodgepodge and that is never dull. I may be chunkier than say someone like Cate Blanchet and not nearly as actor-y or as popular and I have that haunted eerie inkling that if I were whippet thin I would work more, yes people, corporations would hire me for something lucrative. I think this to be true but as I sit with my chunk and my wrinkles which will never see a needle filled with Botox or a scalpel either and maybe soon I will stop shading my hair in my fight against that tired looking grey (maybe) I can’t help but feel happy. Be damned you lucrative contracts that I have missed because I am fat! I welcome aging not as a badge of accomplishment but as a foe that is winning the fight and is much stronger than me. I mean time keeps marching on…and when my sweet supporters say lovely things like you never age I know they are lying in that good white lie kind of way. My chunk, my middle aged spread is exactly my age. Oh it may be firm since I run around like a kid but it is still “there” and even my fat phobic father once compared me to Kirstie Alley because fat is so forbidden in his household and my glorious chubba wubba offended him. I may not be as fat as a Kirstie Alley who I admire by the way and think she is so “out there” and I love her and think her fantastically talented as an actor and doing fabulously well on “Dancing with the stars”. Which by the way I could not do for a million bucks, so leave us alone! I say…let us be and okay it would be nice to get booked for some endorsement or say a lovely role on a major network with a fascinating character to portray every week, I admit it would. Still I suppose I will just have to see if my “kind” ever comes into vogue and if not I suspect life will continue as it does in its sweet, imperfectly perfect way. So yes I will just jiggle my way into the sunset, filled with appreciation for all that I have and love, thank you!

12 comments:

emullins75 said...

i so love you.. I can't wait to see you in a couple weeks... cause we're gonna be going out to play some tennis.. I love the way that you are open and honest about yourself. You're so awesome... take care and see ya in a couple...

emullins75 said...

Oh I forgot to say this too


S. F. C.

hahha :D

Charles said...

I would love to see you back on TV. I always thought you were really cute and I think you're being your own worst critic. The things you mention are just glitches and your hair, your eyes and complexion are what attract us fans. Law and Order has a good track record of having vets on their show. I'll have my people talk to Mr. Wolf. Seriously, I think you would fit right in as a guest.

Rae Dawn Chong said...

Mr. Wolf hates me..LOL. I had an agent tell me so...once.
I am too vulnerable if you notice he likes tough women almost S&M like very dominatrix almost. Rumor has it thats his "thing". So I fall OUT of THAT catagory not to mention I think he is a bit old fashioned and prefers very specific representations of each sex and race. Unfortunately I fall inbetween which is challenging to cast because I reflect so many differing influences and Television thus far likes their characters basic and simple. Notice that? I think I represent the "other" and so am more futuristic boundryless and maybe that irritates hard line old timers. I notice younger people are not so challenged. I need a character that transcends catagories and is appreciated for her inner life whilst her outer exterior is less important. Even if it fascinates. Just saying...Thank you for your vote anyway I appreciate you.

Rae Dawn Chong said...

Oh yeah and sometimes my acting sucks so it could be that too.

Charles said...

Contradictions my dear, you're just the opposite. Hoping to see you on screen again soon. Best :)

Dwane T. said...

"I used to be cute as everyone was when they were young and feisty and running “the streets” as my mom would say we did."

Michael Jordan is no longer the best ballplayer in the world, but it doesn't diminish who he was. And he can still compete... even at his age. But he doesn't have to because he is great at what he does for where he is in life.

Rae, let me say this. You were not as cute as everyone. You were one of the most beautiful women in America, and one of the two or three most beautiful in Hollywood. And you can still compete with both the youngsters and the women your age in terms of looks, because your audience grew up with you and we still consider you a majestic beauty. But you don't have to, because you are great for where you are in life.

Personally, I enjoy you in your old movies and look forward to your new ones. Just like when young guys talk about LeBron, people my age talk about Jordan, when young folks talk about Natalie Portman, your fans talk about you.

Suzi from Ojai said...

Rae Dawn, YOU ARE STILL CUTE!!! Compare yourself with others your age! You are exotic looking and I would love to look just like YOU!

xo

Rae Dawn Chong said...

I am so BUSTED?! Thank you for the appreciation.

LOL

So busted, nothing is worse than fishing for compliments!!!

xo

rd

emullins75 said...

Yeah.. but you love us.. as we love you... BTW... do you know where you're going to be sitting at, at Chiller this coming weekend???

glt said...

Jesus god! Law and order sucks! Everyone who had anything to do with those shows should be executed at dawn! You are cute metamorphised into a floating beauty...damn 'em.

Here's the brightest concept:

You are a greeter at Walmart. You have no friends and your relatives live in Europe or Canada and have written you off. You just had an epiphany that causes you to want to reach out to all humanity. You greet all shoppers with personal advances and sincere questions expecting sincere answers. They freak at yer sincerity...but eventually give in and become more real and caring.

Huh? I like it...we can nail big corporations while promoting individual thought! Why not?

Clifton said...

Rae,
Thank you again for coming to the MotorCityConvention. My grandson and I enjoyed talking to you very much. You have so much to offer both personally and professionally. Thank you for recommending your “favorite movies” to me (LOL) I will certainly watch them and let you know how much I like your performances. Take care, like I said you are a sweetheart and look FANTASTIC!!! Hope to see you at another Con.

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