The easiest way I know to measure my weakness is to measure how low I will shoot to avoid being hurt. I have to admit it's ridiculously low. I am embarrassed and sort of shocked by my lack of confidence in the quality of my work. It's interesting but I think in order to truly succeed we have to be a bit "psychotic" and or highly narcissist or something to that effect, you know, entitled. All of this is against what is my natural mental/emotional conditioning it flies in the face of years of therapy to "ground" myself in "reality". I am obviously uncomfortable there. I think maybe wrong. Maybe the issue all of these last two decades is I have not shot high enough, kept the "dreams big". I suppose I shoot lower in my dreams because I am wounded and afraid of being once again hurt. This is bogus behavior and yes I need to get a grip and "cut it out!" Still my heart feels battered by disappointments and half cocked attempts at selling my materials and it pains me when things don't move the way I need them or want them to. Funny, I said moved, since recently my gut has been gripped in agony for four days by some mysterious bug of course I rush to think it's the H1N1 virus because the media keeps telling me we are all going to get the thing...I am hurting.
I want to be bolder and to dream bigger dreams. I must remember we are made of mystical star dust and we can do the impossible. I must lose my mind in the headiness of success and reach for the very best life has to offer. "Aim high Rae Dawn" and don't worry about being immodest.
Like that famous Mandela saying it is a sin not to "Go big" or something to that effect.
Wow...please forgive me.