Someone warned me about creeps and weirdos and I must confess it scared me until I realized we're all a bit creepy and can be weird too so I relaxed. I have a fan who I am certain lives in Port authority and he e-mails me. I have met him and spoken to him . He wears a huge parka all year and he is very smart and kind and I am weirdly invested in him although I keep a distance. It seems so unfair that he isn't in a proper home but then again Byron Katie would say "proper home" a story and it's obviously not his. So live. I appreciate that, it is just a story of what is nice and not nice or a bad death versus a good death. We were speaking about a friend who is here visiting who isn't having a good time. She is essentially stalking an ex lover. I suggested maybe instead of looking at this situation as tragic we should see it as triumph, she is here in the States doing what she set out to do annoy her ex lover. He seems to be successfully avoiding her and everyone is getting exactly what they want. We do. We all do. We get exactly what we want. I have a long long list of things I want lately. I won't divulge them since it will cause discomfort to the ones I live with but...it's a doozy. I think it is my job to fulfill the list and I am on it! Now I notice there is this thing called being "kind" and "grown up" which can really stop the selfish express. So I cannot indulge every whim. I want to but cannot. It gives me great pleasure to push against conformity though , it almost turns me on! I am certain "the story" of our lives could be richer and more fun if we let it and if we weren't so concerned about how we look. I know I am a HOT MESS (thank you Chelsea Handler) but a delightful one. I am having a pretty great summer although my list is starting to cut into my ribs a bit.
So I have to be more attentive to my bliss...or so they say. I am glad my friend keeps me posted to life in NYC from his perspective. It allows me to appreciate my own clouded point of view.
Everyday I get a bit bold-er and that is a good thing.