Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Starting with myself I have a list of things needing to be forgiven. I can list a few unsavory things and a few less so. Nothing too monstrous, still I wish I could be without a lot of my lame habits. These habits I hold on to could use adjusting and then I think well its what makes life live able being human and imperfect. In fact being real is more loving for all. Okay then I can regress back to my worst self and get mad at say family, my father in particular. Yesterday someone I adore said they disliked dad just from the things I have written here about him. It makes me feel sweetly supported and yet he doesn't deserve anger and hate as much as understanding. I can analyse his ways, have done so all of my life and see a very human, yes deeply flawed man; So I have to give him slack. I have to be generous like I need to be generous to myself. We all need to lighten up when it comes to be wronged by those who have annihilated us. Even if it means surviving a death of a loved one who was murdered. Now I am not condoning murder or murderers but I do understand why surviving families of victims forgive the killer. I get it. This is why I forgive my father. Its not worth living a long life with the stress of hate. Hate breeds illness in our bodies and who needs that to compound our grief? We must forgive all those we have issues with for the same reasons. I do believe that if they knew, truly knew what they were doing they would not do it. This is how much faith I have in the human system of reason. I am not talking about the insane,lost or confused (drug addled) I am talking about if a soul a person were made to truly understand their impact on their environment they would not commit any harm. In my families case I know we do what we do because we are in FEAR!
We commit evil in society because some how in our thinking we think the world has ditched us and we need to take, in some cases take a life. Sad and frightening but it must be this way. I know with everything we need to address mental ill health is a BIGGIE with a capital B. Most of the insane are walking around undiagnosed.

So in my personal life I go in and out of understanding and being generous to my father. I can malign him and enjoy it and then I stop because it's picking on the disabled. So I want to ask my fans and friends and loved ones not to dislike Tommy Chong unless he really has hurt you and separate from here and me you have issues. To those of you who have gathered information from me about him don't hate on him. I don't, I love him and he deserves like everyone in the universe deserves another chance to be a good man, or not. We all try to do our best. We do...some of us are better at it then most.

He is flawed and he is scared like all of us,especially me.

Forgive,for me...thanks.


SaunaMatti said...

Very nicely written Rae!! You are a good person as are a lot of people deep down inside. I understand where you are coming from. I have done the same about my father. You are right, it should always be easier to forgive as it lifts the burden high off the shoulders where hatred brings you down to the ground. It isn't worth spending your life living in hatred. We are all flawed in one way or another. Some more than others. It is just a fact of life.

glt said...

God! I love you Rd! I sure wish you would still link yer blog to FB...but I suppose you have yer reasons.

Many people loved my dad here in redneckland, but he was afraid of me, his own flesh and blood...I didn't really realize it until I was about 15. I had an inkling so I decided to try and really scare him. He left thru the front door and I ran down to the garage and when he opened the door I was standing there with a weird crazy face forcing out at him! His eyes bugged out and his face went pale!
That's when I decided I needed to go my own way and make my own life and values. We argued and fought for many years and he sorta cursed me on his deathbed for not being's too long a story for here. Humans can't move forward clinging to a heavy past anyway.