Wednesday, December 2, 2009


What makes a bully? Usually it is a horrible embarrassment that creates a defense system that is a cover up reaction to and of a much greater (to the victim) hurt. So this new identity this bigger and meaner persona is formed to deflect and protect. It creates the very thing they think (as bully) they need, protection. Yet it prevents connection and joy and love to enter as well. So the flaw in this response to pain and hurt and shame is in the long run a very bad idea. Counterproductive to every human need or I should say the one thing that sustains life, LOVE. It is almost impossible to live without some form of energy and it is completely impossible to flourish for a long time without a positive life force. In other words people (Dick Cheney for one) can be evil and selfish and demented for a while maybe decades but somewhere they will implode and become diseased. It isn't a judgement it is a metaphysical LAW. There is one force and the only difference is whether is is for good or bad....and if the focus in our individual life is from a negative place or anti love then eventually we lose, we die...alone a festering,sad,scared death. On the other hand if we live to love and share and are joyous and generous with that joy we tend to blossom like flowers and the sunlight that radiates out of our hearts heals and promotes more of the same. In other words love is compounded. Well nothing could be more fun and gorgeous to live in. The bully is a cut off the happy beam person who has made a choice.
Now where I live we have a bully and she has made a lot of enemies. I was one of the few that felt sort of immune to it until I wasn't. Now I know as an adult that she is a wreck of a person and no one can hurt me unless I allow them to but it has been fascinating to experience a bully and their antics. It is almost like being on the playground again. This time I don't have to take it and (didn't) and yet it's fascinating to see that mechanism still very much in use to mask the obvious, pain.

Oh well...It is not my job to try and transform anyone. In fact I am not convinced anyone is needing anything but what they are experiencing now.

In other words I think it is NOT my job to help anyone, no one needs help. Unless someone asks for it I will assume regardless of what I think that they are loved and in the perfect place for them.

Me,I will be appreciating my joy, and generous heart and I will be confident they will eventually find their way.

We all do.


Cheryl Carlyle said...

Hi Rae,
Well the school system says zero tolerance for bullies. This is not true at all. My son was a victim in the 8th grade because he dressed differently and was goth type at the time. He was picked on continuously. We were new to the area and school. He became sick, made himself sick so he didn't have to go to school. I continuously tried to get help from the school and principal, did nothing. He failed grade 8. He wouldn't go back there to re do grade 8 so I homeschooled him for the year. Trying to get help is the hardest part. There was a couple here in area that sued the bully's parents and took them to court. I think that is great.

I think the bully needs as much help as the victim if not more.
My son is doing great now, preparing to go to college.

Well that person you knew who was the bully needed the help back then. Where is she at now? Still same? It's a cry for help.
I enjoy your blogs very much, thank you, Cheryl.

Rae Dawn Chong said...

at your service...always.