Finished

Nothing is more refreshing then the start of a new year and decade. I like that we begin double digits in this new cycle starting with 2010. That is a sexy number. 9's have always been a bit brutish a number vibrationally for me. It's important to have challenges no doubt it keeps us sharp but 9's are almost Saturn-ish (sharp, harsh, task masters) by definition they take no prisoners. Death, loss and other dramas so to say goodbye to a nine year is a slice of heaven for me. Bye bye...oh good things do come from hardship no doubt but it's nice to celebrate the shift, the relief as it comes. I have a long list of things I want to get done or start and achieve. Mainly I need to grasp myself, know myself better, hold myself close and yet not too close so as to lose perspective yet continue the dive into the depths of my secrets yet not dwell in the murky material either. I think there is a flaw with the entire human potential movement and that is if we spend too much time dwelling and ruminating and being in "pain body" like denial or avoidance that too can be bad or off balance and destructive. So it's balancing the two being deep when needed and lightening up when needing to, too. It's possible we will have an exciting decade ahead filled with triumphant accomplishments and insights and no doubt a bit of tragedy, the ever present contrast.

It is said we all should welcome it; contrast.
Life in all it's color...literally.
Adios 2009 it was interesting and I am glad it is over.

Sticks and stones

Today I read a disturbing note sent to me by a friend on FB who is smarting (hurt) from what they say was a personal attack from another facebook friend. It seems that he was attacked literally by comments aimed at his person and his families honor. Now I am certain we are grownups here on the thread and certainly can separate between what is truth and what is an others opinion. At least I hope so. What you think about me is not my business. In fact what anyone else thinks or feels about me in general is NOT my business so I don't worry about it. First as a way to find liberation from unnecessary mental anguish and second because there is nothing I can do to alter your feelings. Nor is it my business to try. Save your energy people. The moment each of us can get that lesson the better we all will feel. What another is up to is NOT your business, period. So stay out of it. Even if they are screaming negatives about your person and or your family. They have lost their mind, even if the words heard are painful, step away, change the channel; log off. I am not a fan of attackers and I can confess I have attacked many a poor soul in my history and I feel remorse, genuine pain for stepping out of my circle of influence and projecting my story onto innocent people confused that what they do affects me. Oh sure someone can alter your future by say; not hiring you. Still it's really your job or our job to decide how we use the information. How it impacts us. I have a long standing argument with a very close friend who makes it her business to find fault and personal attack and deficiency in everything. I am certain nothing is further from fact. No matter how diabolical a person is they don't have the power to affect us UNLESS we say YES to it. In other words I decide if your actions will impact my NOW. Okay apologies for sounding abstract, but it holds, my decision to let your actions affect me are MINE, not yours. To the person who wrote to me (on FB) this morning complaining about another friend we have on FB It isn't possible for them to truly hurt you UNLESS you let them. They are out of their business when they attack you. Just like you are out of yours when you let their attack affect you.

So my advice is stay home and be happier in general. My job isn't to police people on my FB page I try but I make mistakes or miss stuff. If a person can't control themselves and it bugs you ignore it and move on.

I do...it saves me years of unnecessary grief.

Stay in your business and love yourself up. It's fun and it's magic.
Happy new year may you never forget this simple truth.

Spontaneous bliss

Good morning! I woke up clear and full with understanding that if we stop and appreciate everything exactly as it is in our experience this very instance we immediately receive JOY. Right where you are , right here and now is perfectly on schedule in the broader picture of your special life. The voices that tell us otherwise are usually connected to a part of our psyche that is unsatisfied and competitive and unhappy. Honestly no matter what you may "think" you need to have accomplished by now and haven't doesn't account for the fun you may or may not known you were having getting to the goal. How many times have we heard heroic stories of misery and escape (Mandela) or ultimate triumphant and every single aspect of their stories has a detail we tend to over look which is the "journey" the long hard well fought journey. THAT is the triumph...the real end result. As we struggle with ourselves to learn a very hard lesson (true self love) we discover if we are lucky that the fight or struggle starts with wrestling our own inner voices that shut us down, beat us up and pulverize our experiences. We do have to be diligent with that ego centric tyrant and we have to enjoy the moments, here now. It is in these micro moments that we live. None of us is encouraged to take the time to say thank you. So I am asking that today regardless of the outward possible "facts" (lack of everything you want) enjoy your life fully. Enjoy everything and be grateful and I mean LOVE it up.

This week is really about love...at least in my book. Love of the Christ within each of us. To borrow from the idea of it, Christ being love of what is.

... We are it!

Always, Merry Christ Consciousness!

Michigan

Recently I was invited to sign autographs at Comic Con in Michigan and I was paranoid it was a set up from the dark and evil prince of Blackwater, and that he was setting me up to be killed mysteriously in some freak accident driving to or from the arena. Meanwhile I do know I am not that important and my little writing that I do online although at times potent doesn't alter policy. Still I am scared of them.
I got worried and a bit paranoid because I honestly believe we are under siege in America from a rather sinister group of bible thumpers cloaked in
banal propaganda who have no idea how dark and malicious their beliefs are or how their need to promote and force the rest of us to toe the Neo-conservative Christian line is fascist. It chills me to the bone.

There are many educated people crying out the warning but so many of us are not listening and it is serious. There are millions of Christians in America who are tithing to crazy cults in the name of Jesus. I for one think Religion and Politics make strange bedfellows and we should be vigilant instead most of us are slackers. We are not awake or concerned so here I am once again saying wake up and start getting smarter so at least if shit gets weird you will know where to go and what to do and who to side with. The average person has no idea what is happening in America or that these organizations have simple pro life names like "Americans for family values" cults all...and the Neocon right has loudly distracted the simple minded masses (Fox news, Glen ,Rush) who want to be afraid of the Liberals (Obama) when in fact the liberals don't have an Army for hire, we don't have Blackwater at our beck and call, obviously. Actually these same weirdo's are trying to make the actual Army super church Christian, they are offering program in Muslim countries (Iraq) to encourage the actual US Army personnel to pass out the bible. That Naomi Wolf who is one of the voices screeching to the people about the soon to be loss of our freedom here at home from "Them" she unfortunately sounds like a kook at times and extra paranoid and I know I am close (sounding crazy) writing this today. Unfortunately Ms. Wolf is spot on and generous for warning us we are being attacked from within from the corn fields and fly over states of America our choice to be who we are...if we are not smarter we are close to Marshall Law. Folks I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I beg you to investigate and be informed. Read everything you can about these groups. I may be silly to think I am a target? Yet it takes one voice to cause a tipping point reaction. One action to begin a chain of events. If these American who are claiming to restore us back to the values of the 1950's were truly intelligent they would see that we need to move forward and to integrate what works best and to allow freedom of beliefs and speech. Yet if we listen closely we can see that it's these freedoms (Gay marriage for one) that are being challenged in a more sinister and far reaching way. When will they stop?

I don't think I will be going to Comic Con because I am little worried about them.

Call me crazy.

Motivated

Okay; it's the holidays and we don't celebrate it. It makes us sad because it feels like a tradition with no basis. I am certain if each of us really examined Christmas it is about the decorations and the feasting and the gift giving and the collection of loot and our place in the tribal pecking order. As a young woman I had a pretty cool collection of decorations for the tree that were pinched by my housekeeper who now that I have had a couple of decades to forgive her, I think she needed them. She needed a big part of me. I now see the brilliance of the theft. Of course it killed Christmas for me right then and there. All the fuss. Lately though the sweetest people who can't help themselves have given us gifts. I stress constantly that we ignore Christmas but folks can't believe it or me. I accept their tokens of love and I feel fine no guilt for not reciprocating although everyone is obsessed with that horrible gift game "Yankee Swap" which I call take back and hurt people with it. I HATE,HATE,HATE the game...it is like watching those competitive shows where someone loses and everyone is made fun of. Idol, Amazing Race and every Dance show. Pain television and we are obsessed. So it doesn't surprise me that people get a kick out of the take back Yankee swap game. Vile and mean. In essence Christmas is the mean season where nothing but drama and pain abound. Where we spend it, with whom and what we get or don't get and the partying which wreaks havoc on my waist line. I can tell you. I can't say no to some of the goodies and inevitably I have just gotten off a court and am famished and lo and behold I have consumed way to many dense holiday calories...oooohhhhh no! Plus my wine LOVE red bring it on. Except when I wake up at 3 in the morning parched thinking "did I have to have that much wine?" No, I did not, but I do...man it's hard out here in Christmas land for a woman.

If this holiday season doesn't kill me, next year I may get with it and decorate our space or start back with the Christmas decoration collection. I saw a couple tree onrnaments I fancied. Oh and the spirit of giving is best when we donate to a cause whether it's a school in Haiti where we are sponsoring someone or local charity for women and Children.

... I am always up for that.

The loot is nice but not necessary and the food...I have to say I could do without all of it.

I do like the need to smile and share love which makes it groovier.

That's just it!

... Christmas for me needs more rhythm.

More swing, less food, more love and fellowship.

Christmas could be wonderful.

Ideas...

Last year I wrote a spec pilot and this year I want to see it made.
I am longing to get something made or back on television.
We need more women in leadership roles and more people of color on TV.

...Diversity.

I am going to be bold and go out on a limb here and say race relations have worsened
with our beloved President in office the first African American I notice a bigger awareness or measurement of content in regards to race. I notice a tightening of the wagons in media.
I notice more articles in the press about this division and about the races in general.
Plus the sinister subject of white dominance and the question of whether white is dominant?It is still the dominant race especially in finance, maybe not in numbers globally still the power positions in the west are still held by non-ethnics.

White is still king and it makes me sad nonetheless that the yard stick is OUT and we are in a race of some sort. I was sad when Sherry Shepard was exposed as being so stupid years ago when she wasn't sure if the world was flat. She said as much on her show The View. It pained me because I feel the establishment doesn't want to show people of color with brains and moderate behaviors. It is skewed toward extreme and embarrassing stuff. I wouldn't feel so sensitive about it if we were represented better. We do have a smart handsome charmer in the White house but can we have a few representatives on television in media too? In Films that make us proud? Please?

It's hard when there is only that side of the African American experience being highlighted in media. The loud brash and stupid.

A reader of my blog wondered if media has become pro war. Maybe to justify our continuing presence in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Maybe...I notice we will support our government that way so yes. We are a war mongering country. Wow, for some reason I never imagined America as such, I know how can I forget Vietnam.

Back to race in American media. Tiger woods has many people laying in wait to tear him down. I am sad because his timing could not have been worse. It seems we are under attack racially that media is dying to show our inferiority and worse. We are human and there isn't a perfect race or perfect person alive on planet earth.

Although Tiger was close...shame on us for falling for it.

The thought that someone like Sarah Palin could sell 400,000 books. This country has lost it's mind. Where on planet earth except in America could a pretty face with a hunting rifle do so well? Okay I pick on hunters and I think hunting isn't bad in fact I appreciate the nature conservation that hunters helped bring to America. It isn't bad to hunt its human nature to do;hunt it's our nature. I do think it is bad to be dumb and I think Sarah Palin is a dumb ass and if she is even remotely successful as a candidate (2012) then look forward to more Obama.
You tea party, birthers.
I wish there wasn't a tit for tat competition of who is better racially.
Then again it would NOT be planet earth I suppose. I am just itching for us to be judged on character and smarts and kindness not the color of our skin.

It's christmess and I can wish can't I?
We love a good fight don't we?

Our Path

Reading one of my Google widgets which informs me whenever somewhere on the web something is printed about me. Most of the time it's pretty cool and positive sometimes it's rather scathing and in this case brutal. It was regarding a syndrome a "where are they now" syndrome. It used to be called the Shelly long syndrome but now it's become the RDC syndrome. Ouch...It serves me right for being vain and keeping tabs. I heard or read that Kevin Bacon uses this handy widget so I am in good company. Now I didn't feel as bad as I could have or would have maybe ten years ago. I mean I am way off the grid and living a life and no longer grinding the offices of casting people. I kind of like it...no I lie I am loving it. This life has perks that that other life didn't. One of the things we miss as real citizens of the world is maybe the big hoopla that goes with working in films and T.V. the money is very sweet when it comes. Otherwise I am a clam that is happy here in the real world with you. Still I have dreams of seeing my work my writing produced and getting a chance to direct again and again and maybe act occasionally and who knows? Yet this exile could very well be that, the end of that life for me. I will never do it (act) again. So how do I feel about it? I feel like a lover of reality and if that is my reality then I welcome it with a huge grin and open arms. How famous does want need to be? Mind you being reduced to a syndrome is a wee bit hurtful...do I make them itch? Sheesh, next life I promise to be quieter and less needy for attention. Okay that is the gist of it. I was as a child desperate for love and found the attention I got from performing a welcome solution to unmet needs. Until I got healthier in the late 80's and early nineties and stopped needing that kind of love. So that is my deal. I got healthy and shifted and maybe it all coincided with my losing interest in the Hollywood machinery and honestly my time had come and passed these things happen. I reckon it happens over and over again we get to recreate ourselves no matter whether it's in Hollywood or somewhere in Iowa we get to reinvent our lives. So here it is today a reinvention of sorts. I am constantly being asked to write a book (not by publishers) but by friends here and fans on FB. I need guidance, plus I am a wee bit stuck about what to write about. I could take a few routes I suppose and be helpful and funny or deliriously self absorbed like this blog is starting to feel. Apologies to my friends here...I am in recovery for being outed as a "syndrome" never easy this name calling no matter what YOU say. Okay so I need to get off my butt and do this thing write a proper book, only what is proper and what could I possibly have to say?


I don't know.

Wood

America is in kindergarten when it comes to sexuality. There is so much judgement and distortion about the creative urge. I find the fascination with Tiger Woods sexuality very boring and sad and typical. Gee a wealthy superstar can't keep his extracurricular dalliances in check. What a shock. He marries impulsively and now finds himself in a scandal of his own making and we are supposed to be shocked. It's like asking a chronic over eater to a food show and asking them not to taste anything. He is gorgeous and rich and everyone wants a taste literally. He is human. Only in America can we hang someone for their sexuality. Okay I am not for deviant sexuality personally but for people who get a kick our of say fetish or what have you and as long as children and animals are out of the mix I say BRAVO! Go for it...the concept of infidelity or say Monogamy is forced and unnatural. Oh sure I follow this monogamous thing because it makes my lover happy and I find it is a bit more peaceful. I can't seem to handle more then one lover at a time without causing everyone pain. I wish in a perfect world this didn't have to cause so much grief. I know for fact it is scientific that women want new lovers every few years or so...it's nature/biology making sure we don't put all our eggs in one basket. Still in modern society we are forced to follow rules and these rules are all about monogamy. My BF is adamant about it and so far it isn't too difficult yet I wonder how normal it is and why the French seem to have it so right. A lover can give a woman a pip in her step. It can make the dull seem glorious , the old seem new...here in America we shudder at excitement we judge as horrible the dangerous and we shun passion as out of control. Too bad and is it any wonder we are FAT asses?

In America we are eating and they say eating is a substitute for unmet needs. I just wonder if we had more honesty around our sexuality and if we weren't so judgemental about our lives and our relationships and if we didn't stay in dead end relationships because we are afraid of what people will think or what our families will think? Would we be a better world? Would be be kinder to ourselves and others? I am not saying go wild and screw everything in sight, no. I am all about balance. Imagine a world where we stayed out of each others business where it wasn't a judgement thing, where we just honored our privacy and we didn't confuse love with ownership? Marriage with property? I don't think Tiger was right to have so many sloppy dalliances, girls lying around just itching to go public. He obviously wants out of his marriage. I just think he shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. He should have made the right decision and stayed a bachelor.

It's his business and he's a public figure but there isn't one famous man in sports or Hollywood or Politics who hasn't "THOUGHT" about it let alone who hasn't acted on it! We lie. So who will ever know. I know that some very prominent long time married men in Hollywood who are the first to throw stones and judge and who are also racist (against non African Americans) have snuck around behind their spouses backs and dipped in places they probably shouldn't have with non ethnic woman too, only they didn't get caught YET. These big mouthed superstars are hypocrites, sleazy horrible cowards, the worst. Why? Because they don't man up and be who they are and they pretend to be all about purity of the race and other horse shit. Pretenders, all the while the prey on production PA's and starlets. Pretending to be happily married it's fascinating, why?

Why ask why? Ask how can we find peace so people don't have to be "Down Low". So Men can be men and woman can be woman without so much pain.

Imagine if people were up front and honest about their sexuality?
It would save alot of us a lot of heart ache.

... and surprise?

The world would be a happier more fulfilled place.

Are we there yet?

Recently I was asked to read an article about the negative impact movies like Precious and (Color Purple) have on the community (African American) and the fallout culturally. I handed the article to my family especially my beloved man Nathan who was offended by the writer stating that we as a community don't need to see this aspect of African American life. That that story line of African American
man as enemy is over played. This writer says no more! It's a conspiracy. My boyfriend says that isn't real life and we shoudl be able to see all aspects of life not just the triumphant stories. He isn't African American so he doesn't have the wound and so he can't speak from "that place".

There is a wound.

The article has issue with the stereo type of Black man as perpetrator -rapist -incestor. I can understand the beef. I was in both The Color Purple and Soul man another divisive film that created a dialogue as it languished in theatres not doing the business it could have or should have because it too offended "the wounded" still at the end of the day it was a delightful film. Still it offended Spike Lee and he has a big platform (especially back then) and he hurt the film. It is THE WOUND speaking and there is nothing we can do about IT! I am sad about one thing though...Hollywood is fragile it is filled to the brim with people who are not creative yet are deft politicians who are expert at getting hired and promoted but lame at being creative and risky. In fact the brave soul who can greenlight a fresh idea is in Paris or England somewhere else. He or she isn't in Hollywood. It is the land of mediocrity. The thesis basically says that there is a subconscious need to keep us down. I have to say it is a slippery slope because if you look at the vast wasteland of media offering in regards to level or diverse programming with regards to African Americans well it's a sad pitiful lack there of. Nothing but Ghetto level obnoxious representation excepting reruns of "Girlfriends" and maybe "The Cosby show " and this doesn't include Oprah or Tyra because that isn't drama. So it is understandable that some people feel there is a conspiracy to badly represent us...in Media. I am not so sure. I just think people who have the ability to green light projects go with what they think they know and what they feel has less risk. 99.9% of the time it's white guy product. Meaning written and sourced from a guy or woman who isn't ethnic starring non ethnic people. So the argument isn't sound. It is subconscious because decisions are made in Hollywood from FEAR. The need to keep things status quo. I mean we should be cautious of some news outlets (Fox) and or corporate giants and their biased politics ie;Rupert Murdock. Unless Doug Coe or Mr. Dobson take over someone like John Malone so far okay. Still it's a white mans world and I am thinking it is easy to see how films like "Precious" feed awkward negative stereotypes in a time where things are just starting to really look up for us in African American America. Got that? Honestly I agree that Tyler Perry is guilty of "Coonery" or that Oprah has issues regarding what she likes (herself) and what she doesn't like (pretty women and Black men)still it's their domain and they can do what they want and we who don't have their clout should sit back and appreciate what they do and try to create our own kingdoms. I am not a fan of spike Lee the man but I love his directing I think he is talented. I am not a fan of Lee Daniels but Precious is very well made. It would not be my idea for a film but do I think we shouldn't have tough stories told about us? No...I think we can handle it. I just wish the field where more level. If there was at least two or three other films or television shows that showed a successful kind and balanced view of Black America I think the nerves would calm down,the wound would begin to recede into the shadows. But it is not the case and here we are looking at 2010 and nothing on network television or in the cinema's shows people of color triumphing without the help of someone who isn't white. The big film "Blindside" which I loved is a man being helped by a white woman who is the more powerful one in this mix. That he is sexless helps the film sell tickets. So it is a sad situation that men (of ethnicity)are OKAY in mainstream media as long as a white person is helping them succeed and they have no sexuality. This is harsh and this is the message.

I want a world where we can have many differing representations of color in media. Where it is a vast cornucopia of wealth in story lines and textures and color instead of a small niche of the same O ghetto fabulous rap music inspired saga's.

Still its' better then nothing.

So it means a black man in a fat suit playing a woman who eats chicken all day and screams at everybody who ends up in prison? It's better then nothing.

Precious is a well crafted story yet the real story here is that we need more...a lot more.

Otherwise we are not "there" yet! We have not arrived,truly.

Intimacy

Intimacy is a word like love that is bandied around and yet I doubt we really know it's true meaning. Another thing I wonder about the "I" word or intimacy is do we really experience it or allow ourselves to get intimate say with ourselves first before say our spouses? I find I am very intimate with my longtime BF F's there is something so safe about being close and intimate with someone who doesn't see me naked regularly. Isn't that silly? The idea of getting emotionally close to my partner at times sound wonderful and other times horrible. I want myself for myself or I worry I will get lost in him. I am so new at this yet I know I crave intimacy like air...we all do. It scares us and yet it is the elixir of life for us all. Still we need classes in the how to of intimacy starting in kindergarten. listening to NPR this morning they discussed marriage and the intimacy equation and lo and behold it is an issue that is universal we have varying levels of it and we are frightened and maybe rightly so of it, intimacy. I also think people think they are being intimate when it fact they are not. They are faking it.

Oh I am not an expert here in fact I am a beginner big time and my baby steps are more often tumbles or head plants. I live with a man and I love him enough but I can honestly say at times I wonder aloud "Who is this guy?" and I am certain he feels exactly the same about me.

Maybe we have it wrong maybe we are right and intimacy is possibly over rated or impossible.

Maybe...

Entertain me...

We went to the movies last night and watched "Precious" I think it is very well done, everything was spot on. I felt for everyone and was perfectly "molested" by the horrendous tale. I am not certain I would call it entertainment and yet I am so happy that her story was and is being witnessed by many. It will hopefully give people pause before they judge those of us who are "large" and dealing with so many pressures like sexual abuse or any abuse and homelessness. I do want us as a species to be kinder. Still I am not certain we were up for the onslaught and I was devastated by the story absolutely wrecked, tears were on my cheeks the whole way through. Go see it but be prepared. I am glad we watched it in a theatre because I know I would have turned it off at home. I am a wimp, my heart is on my sleeves. Still I like to be entertained. I watched "district 9 and fell in love with it, what a masterpiece. I have nothing but pure respect for the film makers. That is also one of the things about Precious. The Director, I met years ago, Lee Daniels and like his movie I found him very, very creepy. I know people are just doing the best they can in their situations. He is a deeply talented man...and creepy. Ha...I am so bad. I should be so lucky to work with him. It's been a while. I need to stop now and appreciate deeply gifted people and movies like Precious which serve a higher purpose. They make us feel and know the forgotten and that is mighty important.
We must care and be concerned for our sisters and brothers in need because there is no difference between us. Barely any...So please go see this movie and do a good deed for the day and if you want to watch a strange but powerful love story see "District 9" as well. It rocks.

Feminine Protection

As a young child growing up the big box of Kotex under our bathroom sink was a terrible scary thing. I dreaded the day when I would have to tackle anything that remotely looked like the mega mattresses called "kotex" and I certainly didn't want to ever NEED those horrid looking long tailed monstrosities. There was nothing but fear and panic that one day those hideous things would be on my body attached with a nasty looking belt that didn't have one good thing going for it. Oh my goodness did that box make me dread maturity. Funnily enough I never had to go there. By the time I grew up and started my flow I was of the age of Obi or Tampax and it wasn't so scary. I tell you the shrinking of "The pad" was and is one of the most important discoveries for us women. It may be too gross for most to imagine but our early sexuality was greatly impacted by how we were approached and educated about "Aunt Flow". It wasn't a pretty tea and crumpets "Menarche" party for me and my sister, no way, never happened we were pretty much on our own. I got my first period at Barbra Streisand's house in Malibu. I kid you not. I was 11 and I was wearing white ditto jeans, skin tight. I was with my friend Tatum o Neal and her dad Ryan. We were there for something or other Babs and Ryan being old chums and all. I looked down at my pants and saw blood everywhere. Oh I guessed immediately what was going on with me I was mortified. I was at "her " house, and she wasn't the warmest women I have ever met. So I kept my mouth shut and my legs closed and I wrapped my sweater around myself and tried to figure out how to sit or not sit in the back seat with the gorgeous white leather interior of Ryan O' Neal's Bentley. I stood sat so I didn't get my blood on it. I was so stressed that I did not enjoy meeting Babs for the first time come to think of it ever she's just not so nice. It was a serious trauma my first moment of being a woman. UGH...This memory was sparked by a group discussion yesterday about the hideous big box of Kotex that almost every household had. How that box freaked out all of us as young women. How the thought of using one of those contraptions almost made us want to never grow up. It did me. Oh I am so pleased all of this is different for girls today and there are lovely things called Menarche celebrations and Dads are part of it too.
Ahhh progress, just in time.

Bullies

What makes a bully? Usually it is a horrible embarrassment that creates a defense system that is a cover up reaction to and of a much greater (to the victim) hurt. So this new identity this bigger and meaner persona is formed to deflect and protect. It creates the very thing they think (as bully) they need, protection. Yet it prevents connection and joy and love to enter as well. So the flaw in this response to pain and hurt and shame is in the long run a very bad idea. Counterproductive to every human need or I should say the one thing that sustains life, LOVE. It is almost impossible to live without some form of energy and it is completely impossible to flourish for a long time without a positive life force. In other words people (Dick Cheney for one) can be evil and selfish and demented for a while maybe decades but somewhere they will implode and become diseased. It isn't a judgement it is a metaphysical LAW. There is one force and the only difference is whether is is for good or bad....and if the focus in our individual life is from a negative place or anti love then eventually we lose, we die...alone a festering,sad,scared death. On the other hand if we live to love and share and are joyous and generous with that joy we tend to blossom like flowers and the sunlight that radiates out of our hearts heals and promotes more of the same. In other words love is compounded. Well nothing could be more fun and gorgeous to live in. The bully is a cut off the happy beam person who has made a choice.
Now where I live we have a bully and she has made a lot of enemies. I was one of the few that felt sort of immune to it until I wasn't. Now I know as an adult that she is a wreck of a person and no one can hurt me unless I allow them to but it has been fascinating to experience a bully and their antics. It is almost like being on the playground again. This time I don't have to take it and (didn't) and yet it's fascinating to see that mechanism still very much in use to mask the obvious, pain.

Oh well...It is not my job to try and transform anyone. In fact I am not convinced anyone is needing anything but what they are experiencing now.

In other words I think it is NOT my job to help anyone, no one needs help. Unless someone asks for it I will assume regardless of what I think that they are loved and in the perfect place for them.


Me,I will be appreciating my joy, and generous heart and I will be confident they will eventually find their way.

We all do.