Bullies

What makes a bully? Usually it is a horrible embarrassment that creates a defense system that is a cover up reaction to and of a much greater (to the victim) hurt. So this new identity this bigger and meaner persona is formed to deflect and protect. It creates the very thing they think (as bully) they need, protection. Yet it prevents connection and joy and love to enter as well. So the flaw in this response to pain and hurt and shame is in the long run a very bad idea. Counterproductive to every human need or I should say the one thing that sustains life, LOVE. It is almost impossible to live without some form of energy and it is completely impossible to flourish for a long time without a positive life force. In other words people (Dick Cheney for one) can be evil and selfish and demented for a while maybe decades but somewhere they will implode and become diseased. It isn't a judgement it is a metaphysical LAW. There is one force and the only difference is whether is is for good or bad....and if the focus in our individual life is from a negative place or anti love then eventually we lose, we die...alone a festering,sad,scared death. On the other hand if we live to love and share and are joyous and generous with that joy we tend to blossom like flowers and the sunlight that radiates out of our hearts heals and promotes more of the same. In other words love is compounded. Well nothing could be more fun and gorgeous to live in. The bully is a cut off the happy beam person who has made a choice.
Now where I live we have a bully and she has made a lot of enemies. I was one of the few that felt sort of immune to it until I wasn't. Now I know as an adult that she is a wreck of a person and no one can hurt me unless I allow them to but it has been fascinating to experience a bully and their antics. It is almost like being on the playground again. This time I don't have to take it and (didn't) and yet it's fascinating to see that mechanism still very much in use to mask the obvious, pain.

Oh well...It is not my job to try and transform anyone. In fact I am not convinced anyone is needing anything but what they are experiencing now.

In other words I think it is NOT my job to help anyone, no one needs help. Unless someone asks for it I will assume regardless of what I think that they are loved and in the perfect place for them.


Me,I will be appreciating my joy, and generous heart and I will be confident they will eventually find their way.

We all do.

The broader perspective

My dear friend is in it with stress and worry and calm at moments too, his mother is sick, her kidneys have stopped doing their job. We are hopeful that she will clean up her blood and one day heal and no longer need dialysis. It isn't an easy road and my heart goes out to them. It did help inspire a thought about LIFE. I wish it were a simple topic but I will give it a try; The Broader perspective meaning what lies beyond our understanding about our individual lives. What it is that all of this means both to us as individuals and as a collective whole. What if we can't see everything we need to see in order to have complete understanding of say hardships. That everything is perfection and we are not ever in "the wrong place" and that we benefit from even the most unsavory of experiences because it is all designed to enhance our journey and help us help ourselves. Yet here now in this life we can only see a portion of what is going on or how it will benefit us. There is no way to push against this or prove it really. I think organized religion tries to form or shape or give an envelope to what could be "gods" work. Personally it isn't enough for me, I need more. I also want to understand an Omnipotent intelligence that is supreme. I want to understand how this being can allow say child abuse and every other crime against creatures in the entire Universe. Big subject this and I know there isn't an easy answer.

We have a whole slew of ideas and people with theories and of course none of them prove-able. So it once again leaves us with "faith' which to some of us is a dirty word. Okay, I try to wrap my understanding around say rape and torture of children (any rape or torture) but I cannot. I don't understand the act and I don't understand a GOD that allows this to occur. I can only allow an idea that maybe it has to do with a broader story a perspective that somehow benefits us. That something is bigger and more complicated then we could ever understand and the very acts that are unmentionable and yet happen to innocents and not so innocents that somehow there is a benefit. STILL...

I don't understand it and I can only breath in and out with some comfort "hopeful" that in fact we just don't get to know or see the bigger picture, the broader perspective and if we could we would see that EVERYTHING is a good thing for everyone it happens to. That we are not alone , that we are held in the highest place of love and respect. I know I may come off as a simpleton and maybe it is exactly what I am but I struggle with God as an omnipotent supreme being and all knowing who allows bad things to happen to us. I just don't get it...until I allow for knowing only a small portion of the story.

Then I think Ah, it's a question of perspective and our puny minds can't handle it,

... YET!

The oppressed

It is old news how African Americans are oppressed on many levels and the white poor share many of the hardship so oppression really is color blind. Yet when you add up or tally many things that have occurred in this country over the last two hundred years against the African American it is pretty damning and I know everyone wants to move on yet it matters that people especially of color understand their history and know that our situation in this country isn't all self made. That in fact their are huge hurdles to over come that can be traced to a certain class of folks here that refuse to share a piece of the proverbial pie. I watched the movie "The Blind side" and appreciated they way it showed our ghetto projects how different the experience is on the two sides of town. Affluence and that...misery. It made me think what if the same abuses were given to the ruling elite class in this country no doubt many of them would be destitute and miserable living off of each other and amounting to little like it is for millions who live in the projects of this country. I think the socioeconomic differences in this country between the African American project dwellers/the poor and the ruling white elite can be traced to systemic racism that have occurred throughout the system and that our democracy although better then most countries has been skewed toward others getting the "job" as it were. The healing that needs to continue within our community is one of hope and love and self love...and of course never giving up. We can as group make this situation work in our favor. I suspect the need of one group to dominate everyone else is human nature. Yet something tells me it is coming time to level the field.

I just hope it isn't too awkward and that there isn't blood shed. I may be hopeful yet foolish.

I loved the movie "The Blind side" it seems to bridge understanding and show love and care for humanity. This is key because I still feel there are many people who are afraid of every African American and everyone of them judges us as the same and it's just not true.

Each of us are very very different and each of us has a story...that should be heard.

Ingratitude

Forgetting to be thankful is epidemic in my life. I can wake up and ruin a perfectly good day by being crabby and sad and crazed about nothing of importance. Oh I know we need to be appreciative to be in the "allowing mode" as Abraham says or any of the many "self help" dialogues we sometimes indulge in. Still this day we are celebrating is rugged and filled with hazards of emotional firestorms. I am appreciative of many things when I remember to be. It isn't easy and yet I do feel better when I can sit back and really feel love for everything good and bad and ugly and scary and painful. We have to find that balance and be as caring and happy about the rough patches we all have to endure. Not easy. Or the person who gets under our skin...and makes it crawl. Funny but that person is our teacher in the most holiest of ways. They say turn the other cheek when in fact we should face integrate into what makes us uncomfortable.I know it is a tall order and Christ like and I have deep emotional resistances when it comes to loving someone or thing I judge as harsh ,horrid or evil...still we are to be thankful of those people , places and things that move us into the next level of understanding and experience.

I am deeply grateful for every rejection and failure because this is when I have found my wings and felt my own strength. Not when everyone wants to be my friend or carry me or help me...or give me my dreams. No it's in the gutter face down with crap on me that I get the best blessings.

Be afraid of losing everything, be very afraid because what we find when we really plunge the depths of our experience is Love. The deepest recognition of love.

When we clutch onto our comforts; we are in for it...when we fear the unknown; we are in for it. When we judge ourselves as harshly as we judge our neighbors; and we do, we are in for it.

This is the seat I paid for, this my life. I asked for all of it, in every sense of the word.

I do forget that fact and when I forget? I want to sit back and separate myself from LOVE.

Until I remember(again) my gratitude and then that leads me home to LOVE of all of THIS.

It is perfection your life, our lives.

Only Always.

Maybe less is more

I was watching a very famous actor on a talk show and I decided he was a lot less sexy when he spoke. I even met this guy once and he seemed okay, sexy in person but watching him speak and feeling his "vibe" I think he is less "that guy" of my fantasy. Ahhhh fantasy we all have them. I was a rabid Jackson 5 fan till I wasn't. I wanted to marry MJ, until the boy thing, so by then I didn't. I had grown up. When I was 9..I was in puppy love with Priscillio Obliglacio (a boy) from the Philippines who was gorgeous and looked exactly like Micheal. Well close enough, his mother wisely kept him away from me. He lived across the street on San Vicente Blvd in the rhythm section of L.A. a cluster of low income apartments that had the most beautiful palm trees that lined the street. If you didn't look too closely it looked almost tropical and higher rent then it actually was. Coming from Detroit we thought we had arrived. It took a couple of years and a few weird experiences to realize we didn't live in anything close to paradise but then again anything was better then a Detroit ghetto. I didn't complain plus I was small and wild and having fun anyway. Kids can adjust to cement playgrounds and lack of toys or diversions. We made up games and played till the sun went down.

Still it is better to be more mysterious.I wish this actor had not gone on television he seemed dumpy and less cool. I wonder if he knows this? I have made the same mistakes gone on television and made an ass of myself. We forget,we lose ourselves. We get depressed and mistakenly go public with it. You who are not famous need to realize how lucky you are it is much easier to lose ones mind in private. We all need to let go once in a while and if you are in the show biz thing the studio forces you to go on shows to promote the films and what if you are having a low day or just not up to it. Well too bad...off you go.

I am not sure this actor realizes he is even low or weird. He just isn't as sexy in person.

I hate it when I lose my idols or my fantasies. I cherish my phantom paradise.
I look forward to get aways to the islands of my imagination.

Now I will have to lust after someone else?

What fun...

Tigeress

We have power, stored unleashed unbelievable power. Like that famous Nelson Mandela saying about "playing small" we are frightened by it. When some of us display it in public instantly we/they are separated and if it's a female they are scolded for it. If it is a male usually they are rewarded for their powerful display of manliness. Not fair but what is? Playing small shouldn't be acceptable and yet it is often times demanded of us. yet this nuclear strength our intrinsic divinity is formidable and if it isn't allowed out it will find an outlet and if it isn't productive this outlet bad things can happen. Most of us have no idea or concept of our inner powers and strengths we are not familiar nor do we imagine we could withstand the isolation or derision if we were to step into it and release and expose this power our greatness. We went to the movies last weekend and saw the MJ film "This is it" thoroughly enjoyed the first half and started to feel weird the second half. I was reminded of what I loved about him from the beginning his fantastic musicality. So musical, such talent and so professional. I think that directness does have a cost. It isn't free there will be consequences. Yet if it's true that Buddha lived for 80 years, there must be a way to balance greatness...This was a creature who channeled God force through song and dance, still he MJ, suffered. It is very difficult to look at him.

We celebrate pureness of force when we like the package. Whether it is in art a painting that moves us or song or movements on stage. This force is in all of us. When it doesn't get an outlet it implodes. We implode. I was glad to watch the movie and I am sad his life took a weird turn, then again why be sad? Still I have guilt as if my admiration helped facilitate his weirdness.

This is about our inner strength, it's developement and acceptance.

Power isn't acceptable in most social situations and yet we need it. We need to own our own inner force and learn to use it productively, not shy away from it. We need to facilitate situations where everyone especially young girls learn to use it. Imagine a world where children are not afraid of their inner strengths? Yes!
Where there isn't a code of outdated morality or images of femininity that hinder and hurt our individuality our hard earned awareness our strengths.

High heels/fashion/ body augmentations, binge/anorexia,cutting a toxic mix ready to express as mental illness.

Cultural expression or things designed to make us feel bad, throw us off balance.
Oh sure heels look good according to fashion but they are useless as far as function and like Chinese foot binding horrendous for the body.

Magazines celebrating eternal youth and extreme thinness as the ideal for all of us.

Question the need to be a "girl"...or girlie. High pitched voice and cutesy wootsey ness. Okay in a tween maybe but us, women? Yikes.

I am not saying we shouldn't be soft or gentle. That is absolutely acceptable.
I am just saying celebrate the Tigress too, because she will find a way to get out.
I am convinced this is a root cause of disease.

Suppressing our power.

The walk about...

If drugs were decriminalized many people who are marginalized on the streets living in squalor would have an opportunity to get help or get shelter and safety and some much needed dignity. Why we care what people put in their bodies if they are adults and able to support their needs, I don't get it. Since we have such negativity attached to drugs and prostitution to get drugs we cut off a huge population and we separate ourselves from loved ones who are willing to live like this. I for one love my family.
How we treat our friend, family and loved ones who decide to brave the depths of misery because drugs and the life of drugs is their preferred choice makes my heart break. I am not one to judge since we are all so close to the streets ourselves. How we as a society can call ourselves compassionate and Christian and yet marginalize an entire sector of our society shows just how far we need to go to advance to be truly Christian. Again I have said this before we could learn so much from the Dutch. Drugs aren't interesting when you can easily get them. Drinking loses it's luster because we notice it makes us fat and it is boring to be a drunk, in most cases. For our brothers and sisters who can't or don't have a shut off valve. In a perfect drug decriminalized society we could provide help, assistance from a clinic and/or programs based on compassionate care and these same folks who needed to plunge into hell for a spell (if drugs didn't have the criminal stigma) may when they regain balance be able to get back on the road to health and regain solid footing. BUT because we have made it a CRIME we separate these souls who are needing this sojourn. Yes we prevent them from ever getting back in the game because of what? Some outdated Christian value? Laws that are harsh if not not flagrantly designed to keep certain sectors of life in America down? Laws whose very foundation is set on sand. Cast the first stone those without sin. Everyone at one time or another loses their way it's part of the human experience. Sometimes some of us need to get down and low and dirty (dirty only because it's driven to the corners of society)...why can't we provide a safe CLEAN space for losing our minds without criminality?
Why?

Because...
It is a bother like Health care for everyone. I am not of the mind to try and convince people drugs are safe. They are not and they are harmful, yet does that make them criminal? Does making them illegal take away the problem? NO!

No , No, no.... it does not

We don't need these laws we need to decriminalize drugs, empty the prisons. We need to re-embrace our lost relations or at least help them, we need to regain our streets and our senses and to reclaim our lost souls, family in many cases, the people we have shunted down to the skid rows in every city.

I want to see the end of every skid row.

I want to see the end of the fear of addiction. I want to see understanding and empathy, patience and compassion and love toward the people we have "lost" to drugs.

If it were decriminalized our junkie relations would be able to maybe keep their jobs or get new ones. They would be cleaner and live more controlled lives while they deal with their choices. With the current laws they have to steal and lie and deal and other horrific things to get their drugs of choice.

I believe our collective societal resistance to not understanding addictions and the souls need to plunge the depths of the "dark side " or the "dark night of the soul" is ANTI- Christian. The true core or cause of addiction is our call or need for the God experience.

So in essence criminalization of illicit drugs is a way of saying no to the very God these so called laws are here to reflect.

Your soul, my soul needs what it needs and making it wrong or illegal will not make the need stop or stop the pain.

Until we understand what is underneath the needs and pains of our family and friends who are drug addicted we will never understand GOD Or Man...

It's all connected, so deal with it.