Thursday, September 16, 2010
Gawd!
Every day I struggle with the concept of God. Nothing gets me more aroused with a mixture of contempt and hope then thinking about God. I want there to be a God head a divine omnipotence but I don’t always trust that it exists and I understand those who say it doesn’t just as I can embrace the faithful who say it does exist. In the course of miracles everything is in the hands of God and for some rebellious reason that offends me no end. Now when stuff gets hairy as in not good I will revert to prayer. Who is it I am praying to? Given a death or some spectacular tragedy I will pray to something called God. Meanwhile I do feel something a presence in my life my day to day existence. An intelligence that gently nudges me toward things that are good for me and the same nudging away from things that is suspect and not so good for me, does that prove Gods existence? Not really and listen I am not here to prove the argument, it’s impossible. I want there to be something that is omnipotent supreme, I do. I want there to be a love that is so gigantic to be immeasurable and badass indestructible. Is that asking too much?
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6 comments:
I feel the same way. While I often feel the presence and see things happen where I have to think "there is a god", there are times where I sit and wonder if it's all in my head. Is this higher power just a mixture of coincidence and self empowerment? I usually settle on the mystical man in the sky theory, but it's an everyday argument.
Can I tell you that your phot is so beautiful and erotic.
YOU are a goddess.
This world... this universe just could not have happened by accident. I fought for years to find a way to prove there couldn't be a God, and the harder I tried, the more the evidence said their had to be. From the percentage of gravity, to the percentage of oxygen, to the distance of the sun and moon, the tilt of the earth, the tides... so many things at work at the same time. And it all works perfectly to keep us alive. Then the design of our bodies... the whole design of reproduction being physical, mental, emotional. You can't get that kind of engineering on that many different levels by accident.
I think the final thing for me is that when things get bad, everyone has that spark in them that "wants" to look for something/someone who is greater than themselves to come to the rescue and/or make sense of it. Like we have a homing device inside us. Some may suppress it or explain it away, but when things get bad enough the spark ignites.
You can pray for a miracle, but you can't pray for a coincidence. And like you, I need to believe God is there. If i don't, this world instantly goes from being a beautiful place to a horrible one. I believe in the Trinity because even when people show "evidence" that the "concept" came from something else, it may show its not new, but it doesn't prove it's not true.
Taking that step to get to know Him personal is a great decision for me.
I was at work yesterday, sitting in a room with the sun was shining on my back. I felt the "warmth" and noticed it more than usual. I even mentioned it to somebody. Then I came home and picked up a book I was reading about God and the first thing I read was "I am the wind which rustles your hair. I am the sun which warms your body. I am the rain which dances on your face. I am the smell of flowers in the air, and I am the flowers which send their fragrance upward. I am the air which 'carries' the fragrance.
I am the beginning of your first thought. I am the end of your last. I am the idea which sparked your most brilliant moment. It continues on, but I feel that if we sit and notice, we will feel God all around us. Sometimes we get so caught up in our physical life that we forget to notice our spiritual side. I felt I was being reminded when I picked the book up and read that first paragraph.
Thanks...
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