This past Friday a rather sleazy producer passed away. I regretted ever working for him and wish I wasn’t so driven because everything he was associated with somehow was below par for me and he even forged my signature on a document allowing his company to show frontal nudity. Extremely painful and deceitful and wrong, as both a man and director and producer he was just despicable so when I heard he had battled cancer and died I was overjoyed. Seriously I was tickled pink and feel he fully deserved his end and everything that happened to him. I know horrible me.
I have always thought I was a forgiving person who mainly forgave because I’d have mostly forgotten whom ever had done me wrong and there is a long list(sadly) plus I also accept my own responsibility for my experiences both positive and negatively so I get that I am 50% responsible for the bad stuff too. Still I am shocked at my joy at the misfortune of someone else. I do believe it plunks me to the bottom of the list of enlightened souls. OH boy am I busted. I delight in his death and feel like he deserved every miserable moment of pain because he is or was an evil bad man. Where is my Buddha hood now? Missing in action I admit and I laugh or giggle at my viciousness what a revengeful minx am I. Revenge isn’t good but it certainly is powerful and listen I didn’t have to work with him exposing myself to his vibe and company and films it was all my fault. So I need to cleanse and get going with my own teachings because obviously I have a LOT of work to do. Wow.