Identified...

Listening to people comment about race recently whether it is Whoopie explaining that she has good radar for deciphering racial slurs and racists or CNN taking a “Race poll” on television asking the audience if race is still a hot button issue. Yes, race as an issue is more alive and divisive now then say in the 1960’s. I find it fascinating that people who are intelligent and educated still seem to forget that we just got the right, we as in (African Americans) to vote with a modicum of safety. I mean we did get the vote in the 1860’s legally but the actual ability to vote didn’t truly kick in till the civil rights movement. Thank you MLK, I still get the shivers when I think about what he gave us in devoting his life to the cause. I am not sure I have it in me to be that big hearted to lead a movement that dangerous and all that demonstrating and THE march? Amazing sacrifices in fact I know he knew almost with certainty that he will be hurt even killed. Would I devote my time at the sacrifice of all to help millions? I am not sure I have that kind of character. I would have to really think about it. Mind you all of my life I have in small and large ways helped people. So it may be a silly question…if given an opportunity to be of huge assistance to mankind would I? Probably, yet I will have to wait and see if it comes up. So back to the ridiculousness of color and social inequities, my BFF Michelle never likes it when I talk about how horrid Hollywood is in developing good juicy roles that are front and center for women of color and age(me). She thinks I am being a baby and whiny when I kvetch about the lack of opportunity in the media. I still stand firm on my assessment. Hollywood is white and it only takes one sweeping glance at the audience during the Oscars to prove my point. When the audience is diversified like a bouquet of exotic flowers let’s talk. Till then “shut up” its white all the way just look at the shows on television current and coming up. I see more blond haired blue eyed damsels in distress in new upcoming programming…I know on the cable networks there are a few color exceptions or the new JJ Abrams show which looks stretched and lame since when does a women who must be an adult only she looks to be 12 years old posturing (is it believable?) as a spy who is married and having difficulties? Okay I may be bitter woman (of a certain vintage) who is becoming boring, okay I am boring myself complaining about the lack of anything even if it be true. Still RACE is an issue and Obama’s presidency has enlightened us to its very big persistent presence in our world and culture. Rap music and sports have leveled the playing field a lot in the minds of the young and hip but not in the elite corridors of wealth and power. That is still the domain of very white people, but maybe it is changing and maybe they will begin to see diversification for what it can do in the positive? Maybe? I know I am eager to see race be a non issue I have spent my entire career trying to be a human being and less a racial character some moments I have succeeded yet I think my biggest stumbling block was and is thinking like a Spike Lee. He came up and blocked me (attacked me in the press) because let’s face it some of the most racists people are ethnic and losing that currency is a challenge to ones very identity. We believe we are a race that that is the sum total of which we are. It’s a part a big part but to me not the totality of whom I am, please. Isn’t that the deal isn’t racism a sickness? A big fear induced malaise that promotes hate? I think so…and defendedness a stance that never brings peace? I think so…so can we get over it? I think so.

Mel Gibson

Listening to the raging Mel Gibson as he freaks out and sounds so pathetic and confused and hurt and obviously betrayed it really makes me sad for all. The women who he is threatening and with whom he has had a baby with and him, Mel Gibson someone who has accomplished a lot in his career. I think he is a fine actor and director who obviously has so much energy and talent and grief and mental anguish and hurt and deep psychological wounds. So here it is in the age of electronics where everyone should take note because everything is being filmed by everyone and nothing is sacred or private really. I hurt for everyone I hurt because it is once again a case of being too famous and rich and to get help where help is needed. I am not defending Mel at all in fact I have always kept a distance and have met him before but for whatever reason didn’t make it a point to be friendly not for any reason but gut instinct. There are people who one doesn’t have chemistry with. I am sad for Jodie Foster because she has just directed a film with him that could be wonderful but will not have much chance because it is tainted by his out of control behaviors. I am sad for the mother Oksana regardless of whether she is a gold digger or whatever she is being abused and no one should be struck and abused verbally or otherwise. I am sad for his entire family all of his children nothing is more heart breaking than watching our father go to hell, by losing it. Sad all of it all around, no one is supposed to be perfect but we demand it of celebrity. I am certain there isn’t a place for Mel to hide where he can face what ails him without feeling horrid and exposed. We need to lose our minds to find ourselves this is the road to mental health, to spiritual health. Listening to the private conversation where he loses it on her isn’t pretty and I couldn’t complete the task. It hurts all too much. Money can corrupt and so can celebrity and in this case Mel needs deep work not just rehab. He needs spiritual help not just the bible or Catholicism. He needs to begin again and find the place that isn’t run by ego. He needs deep strong forces and guidance and I am not certain he will get it. He was right when he yelled I need a real woman and I can tell he longs for true contact and it isn’t easy to find the soul. It isn’t easy to find the divine within. We can’t find it by torturing those who have disappointed and we can’t find it in Hollywood. I pray for everyone the world over who has lost their way…and I have perfect confidence they will find themselves and their powerful loving source. We all do it just takes a lot of humility and commitment and great strong guidance. Good luck.

The big disservice

Reading about the fabulous fiscal surplus Bill Clinton created while in office reminded me what it felt like in this country to be financially on top. It was a comforting feeling one I think only the Chinese would know about today. I remember how astounded I was and proud of his administration when they balanced the budget. I knew in my heart it could be done. Impossible can be done. Today after the exact opposite occurred during Bush Jr.’s administration under the guidance of the Evil Mr. Rove who apparently finds it okay to blame Obama for our current financial night mare that is our humungous deficit. I find it fascinating and scary how quickly the conservative right aka’ the Republicans suffer from amnesia when it comes to who did what to whom. I am certain given a chance it would only get way worse had Mc Cain won; God forbid. Recently my friend Chris asked me why we cannot pull out of Afghanistan and I explained that it is impossible because of Pakistan Nuclear threat and that the terrorists are positioned inside Pakistan to take over that country if allowed and then they will be armed in a way we would not like. So Afghanistan is a staging place, a base we continue to support and occupy to be closer to THAT hot mess. Also it is interesting how the press doesn’t cover the events exactly or that they leave out details that we in the public have to dig up and discover on our own. Imagine if we had the current press corp. during Watergate? It would not have been uncovered. Tricky dick would have gotten away with it. So today we are at a disadvantage because the media cannot be trusted to cover the events as it happens they are addicted to access and have to pander to the player involved in order to maintain media access. You understand? It’s an inbuilt lack of integrity and so facts are excluded bylines distorted and we the public get screwed. Many of my right wing “nuts” listen to the talk radio bigots religiously and then they like to share their fears always excluding that Bush and Rove and Cheney hand fed us to the bad guys by weakening our entire financial structure as they bum rushed us into a fantastically expensive fake war, Iraq. Today we are less safe than we ever were, although I do know that the Clinton administration ignored the terrorist threats that culminated in 9/11 it took Condi Rice to insure that they would also ignore the threats too and look what happened. So in fairness the hubris started before Bush as far as taking the threats seriously. So all the finger pointing going on isn’t helpful and when we can separate the racial fear mongering and call it what it is; bigotry compared to what is happening in America with actual factual events (we are doing amazingly well considering our recession) then we can look at life in America and decide what the story is truly. Till then it is so insulting. If I hear another idiot complain about the Blackification of America, I will go postal! Look at our culture. When I see more black faces in media content as leads, representing American life until our representation in all media reaches at least 30% than we’ll talk. Yet, even then it wouldn’t be enough. We make up less than 1% of starring roles in Hollywood so really people, is Obama nation taking place? Has the black become the ruling class today? NO! Especially if it were measured in finances, job opportunities or equality and or power of any kind, let alone media content. Media hasn’t caught up with reality in America we don’t inhabit 13% of content, I would know. Oh the distances we have yet to traverse. What is it? Is it malaise? Cultural, political, global? Perhaps like the tragedy in the Gulf we suffer from gooey, toxic muck, in our "thinking". Gawd help us.

Good Hair

I just watched “Good Hair” a documentary made by Chris Rock about Black women and their hair. Being graced with mixed chick hair which is a hybrid of the best of both black and white hair I have always flaunted and underappreciated my locks. Duality at its best, because growing up my mother would compare our nappy just out of bed hair to a “sheep’s behind” which from a child’s perspective is rightly disgusting, matted and full of shit! Now as an adult who is of a fine vintage (older) whose hair has started to thin and yet is still stunning by “good hair” terms I never fully got(understood) how blessed I am, till tonight. I get to be athletic and wild and wet and full throttle knowing if it (my hair) gets wet, I will survive in terms of good looks, because by the time it dries my "good hair" will “naturally” behave. It will flounce back into something pretty.
This is HUGE. This is the difference...being chosen. I kid when I write this I am no more chosen then the most nappy headed women but by social pressures I am just damn lucky. Lucky because I don't spend any money making my hair do weird stuff just to be pretty. I luckily don't have to have foreign hair on my head either. It feels like a nasty stinky sweater that is sewn into tight painful corn rows. Torture that is expensive and itchy. In fact I used to torture it with weaves and chemicals and straightening devices that were medieval. Today I am not so stupid or vain or driven to be “white “stylistically. I am not white and I will never be white and I have lost the race trying to be. Having said this I get to be me and it’s been pretty fabulous and I have been blessed by “good hair” or hair that isn’t too much expense or hassle. I will occasionally bump it with some smoother curls with my curling iron. Yes, I do curl my curly hair so that some of my curls fall the way I want but as a rule or compared with most women of color or not of color my hair is easy and free swinging, and inexpensive, Oooh la la.
I guess I should thank the lucky star I was born under. I will right now…Thank you hair genie! Once when I was visiting a friend who was working with Victoria Secret, I joined him at an editing session with the head honchos and I had decided to straighten for the day my hair. Sitting there an executive, who was a woman not so subtly, ran her hands through my hair to see if I had tracks, she tried to play it off that she was checking for texture, but that bitch was looking for tracks and I knew it. It was like being called the N word. I was appalled and immediately disliked her and found myself leaving the room miffed and exploited. Still I had pleasure knowing she didn’t find one single track. I was au natural…

One day I may be bald who knows? Life has a fabulous way of testing us. We never do know what will happen. I will wear my head as proudly as I wear this full head of luscious curls. I tell you I tried to wear my gray (lots of it) but everyone including myself thought I looked tired. Ha…I did I looked very tired and it sort of looked fake. So that transition will have to wait maybe my sixtieth Birthday or something. Till then I will parade my locks as close to natural as possible excluding my coloring the grey out (not so natural) and I will thank my lucky stars for being graced with this hair. It has been kind and it has made my life very good. Crazy that hair can be such a hot topic. I pray every sister gets perspective and gets off the weave “pipe” and the chemical addiction (relaxer) I pray that we each embrace our nappy real gorgeous different self.
It’s uniquely us…to be so nappy and so different. It’s time to be naturally curly centric and happy about it.