Freedom-hood.

The best things in life are free…so goes the saying and so goes success. Ask yourself would you do what you do for a living or work whatever you call everyday for free? If so you are the luckiest and if not there is a wee bit o work to be done in our perceptions of what we call “work” or our careers. I am guilty of always going about my career for the wrong values and have been adrift for decades trying to jump start my drive for making movies and or television which interestingly enough started to wane (my career) right when I was becoming more whole and honest. In other words I was very successful as a kid when it is manic need that propelled me forward. What I realized after years pf therapy was that I was motivated by a need to be loved. Then a funny thing happened I achieved the goal I found the thing I most needed or thought I lacked and needed and Voila my career evaporated and the drive evaporated at the same time. As if getting sober emotionally killed what made me fascinating. Don’t you notice how certain actors were way more interesting in their work when they were raging drunks or coke heads. It is true for some but maybe not across the board or in every case but still a few major stars have maybe ruined their “hotness” by becoming sober as if they were de-clawed or neutered. I work as a volunteer trying to get films for our local film festival and nothing makes a person realize how powerless we all truly are than trying to get Hollywood-sters to give us their films. The town just lets one know how very unimportant I am by the abuse we face when trying to showcase films. Even if you star in them. Last year was rugged and I may never recover from the abuse of a certain studio. I know in my heart who lead the charge and I suspect their motivation was fear that I “little ol’ me” would steal their thunder which I did not. Still we were jerked around by them and I curse them for it. I kind of wish them all ill. I know not very evolved but hey they behaved badly. Maybe getting old and being overweight is sin against the machine that is Hollywood. I am not obese just not Hollywood thin and I am not young I am old compared to what they like. I get that. Yet on the other hand, I think reality TV has given us a glimpse into a truth. The truth is if it(content) is good and real and interesting it doesn’t matter what it looks like. That is the saving grace, “the thing” it has to be very good. When I say good it has to capture our attention and hold it. I think weirdo’s like Ted Nugent mistake the genius of Howard Stern…they don’t realize that he is measured in his outrageousness that he practices how far he can go as if he and only he knows what it is. In fact it is true he knows the limit from decades of practice. When some one flails so feloniously inappropriate threats against the President to make a point it is a measure of society and how far it has gone down. So we just have to take a breath and say “poor guy” he needs attention and this is how he wants to get it. I think he should be arrested for threatening to kill. I think he should be arrested for inciting murder amongst his followers. I like what I do and I do it for free occasionally I get a check or something but honestly it is for free what I get paid for is auditioning. I didn’t make that up, Phillip Seymour Hoffman told me that once. He said his real job was directing a theater company and that they pay him to audition and leave his day job. He would do the acting part for free. I say here, here…